You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

The sound of idling motors and the rolling of suitcase wheels filled my ears as I stood in the parking lot of the Warner Brothers studio. Today was the big day, the day we'd all been waiting for, and we were leaving Las Vegas at any minute for our first show in New York. We'd spent the past week gambling and drinking (like we wouldn't do enough of that on tour), and it seemed to fly by. Still, I felt like the past week was the longest week of my life. I was so ready to get out of Vegas and show the world my talent.

When we arrived at our house last week, I found a note on the kitchen counter that said that Garrett had bought his own apartment in Vegas, and he'd written his address and apartment number on the note in case we needed to "reach him". For what? To apologize? Not anytime soon. Taylor was still a bit upset about me totally blowing up on her brother, and even though I felt awful for what I'd done to her, I didn't regret a word that I said to Garrett. I mean, he'd hurt the love of my life. How could I forgive him? Brian still looked terrible. The swelling in his nose and jaw had gone down and the bruises were now diminishing, but it still tore something deep down inside of me to look at him like that. I felt like it was my fault, and well, if you thought about it long and hard enough, it was my fault. All my fault, but he didn't seem to care. He loved me, and if getting in a fight with my guitarist and ex-best friend was the price he had to pay to love me then he was willing to pay anything to do it.

I boarded the bus knowing that everyone would be on it because our bus was new and probably had everything that the Avenged guys' didn't. Sure enough, there they all were, huddled around every electronic device they could find.

"Holy fuck! Abby, you have to check this shit out. I just took a piss in our bathroom, and the toilet flushes automatically!" Jordan shouted as he ran out of the bathroom. I couldn't help but laugh. I could already see that this tour was going to be quite interesting if Jordan was amazed by an automatic toilet.

"It'd be nice if we had one of those," Brian said from behind me. I turned around to find him leaning against the wall, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his Affliction jeans. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I walked over to him, but before I could reach him, our driver took off, causing the bus to lurch forward and causing me to stumble. Luckily, Brian was there to catch me. He held onto my arms, asking me if I was okay, and all I could think to do was look around. What if Matt is watching? I hadn't looked to see if everyone was on the bus, but that didn't mean that he wasn't. Brian laughed and said, "Matt's on our bus. There's nothing to worry about." I sighed in relief and melted into his arms. He kissed to top of my head and buried his face in the space between my neck and shoulders.

"Ever been to New York?" Brian asked into my neck.

I shook my head and said, "No. Is it nice?"

"Nice? Nice is an understatement, but it's nothing compared to California. I'd never live there. It's way too crowded, but there's a lot of cool shit to see there."

"You can't forget the amazing shopping," Taylor added.

"I'm guessing that's our first order of business." Taylor nodded her head vigorously. Taylor would never turn down a chance to spend money on herself.

"Shopping? What the hell do you need to go shopping for? Don't you already have enough shit?" Logan asked from where he sat on the couch at the back of the bus, drinking a beer and, obviously, drunk. He'd been drinking quite a bit lately, and it was almost twenty-four/seven, not just when everyone else was having a good time and drinking, too. He'd been watching Taylor like a hawk and glared at Zack everytime he touched her. His jealousy instincts were kicking in, and if something wasn't said to him soon, Zack, Taylor, and Logan would be in nearly the same situation me, Brian, and Garrett were in.

"At least I actually want to do something instead of sitting on a couch all day and drinking fucking beer. What kind of life is that, Logan?"

"The kind that comes with being a rock star, Taylor." The conversation was definitely heating up, and I knew it was my turn to say something.

"Why don't you two leave each other alone? Logan, if Taylor wants to shop when she gets to New York then let her. It's her money she's spending, not yours, but she does have a point. You have to stop drinking sometime."

"I'll stop drinking when she stops fucking that cock-sucking faggot she calls her boyfriend." All hell broke loose after that. Taylor lost all self-control and completely blew up on Logan. I'd never seen these two like this before, not even when they were dating. They fought then, of course, but not to this extent. Normally, he'd call her out on how materialistic she is, and she'd scream at him about how clingy he was but this time it was all about Zack who wasn't even there to defend himself. I couldn't stop them, though. I knew why they were fighting, and if we didn't let them continue, they'd never let each other see the truth and with another man in the picture now, Logan needed to see what was going on inside Taylor's mind.

"They still love each other," Brian said as he leaned back, bringing his arms down to rest on my waist. I nodded in agreement. "But with Zack in Taylor's life now, Logan can't do anything. His raging jealousy is going to tear them apart and then, they won't even be friends. How's he going to deal with that?"

I shrugged. Silence fell over Brian and I as I contemplated a thought for a moment. "What would you have done if I would've been seeing someone?"

He stared down at me for a moment then said, "If he would've made you happy then I would've been happy. That's how love goes, right?" My lips crashed onto his without warning. I couldn't help myself, and I sure as hell couldn't stop myself. He laughed into our kiss as he rested his hands on my cheeks.

"I love you," I said, fighting the tears. "I don't deserve you."

"I love you more, and yes, you do deserve me. You're the one for me Abigail Sanders, and I won't let anything change that." I smiled, blinking the tears away. "Why're you crying?"

"Because you say things to me that no man - no one - has ever said to me in my entire life."

"That's because I know you. I know how you work, I know what certain expressions mean, I know how to read you. I know what you're feeling when no one else knows what's going on. We were meant to be together, Abby. We're soulmates. That's why I say things like that to you because I know that no matter what or who comes between us, we'll always love each other."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Are you also promising that we'll be together forever?"

He smiled and said, "Yes, I promise you that we'll be together forever, and sometime in our forever, I promise to make you my wife." I couldn't fight the tears any longer. I cried into Brian's chest knowing that I was the luckiest girl in the world. I had his heart forever, and he had mine. The only responsibility we had was not to break them. By now, Taylor and Logan had stopped fighting and had confined themselves to opposite side of the bus, and everyone was watching us. Brian simply put his arms around me, resting his chin on top of my head. My entire life I'd heard three people tell my they loved me and truly mean it: Grams, Gramps, and Matt, and now, there was Brian and he didn't just love me because he was my best friend. He loved me because he was made for me. He loved me because he was me.

"Now look what you've done!" Natalie shouted at Logan and Taylor as if they were the reason I was crying. Logan rolled his eyes and took another drink of his beer, and Taylor stared at me sympathetically.

"No, no! It's not their fault," I said, releasing myself from Brian's grip. "It's his."

"Damn, dude. What'd you do to her?" Brett asked. "Abby never cries unless something devastating has happened."

"Lately, that's been quite a bit."

"She was crying because of what I said, not what I did."

"What'd you say?" Ciara asked.

"He said things that no one else has ever said to me, and well, my emotional side emerged and everything just sort of came spilling out. He didn't hurt me, and neither did Logan or Taylor. It would just be nice if they would get along with each other, and Logan would deal with the fact Taylor is seeing someone now."

"You know what, fuck you. Fuck all of you," Logan said as he got up from the couch, walking into the back of the bus where the bunks were.

"I'd watch it, Logan. I don't think you want to end up like Garrett," Brian said. Logan just rolled his eyes again and slammed the door behind him. Ciara sighed heavily and sunk down on the couch. She'd really come to like Garrett a lot and after find out that he was just using her for sex, she'd totally dropped him to be with Logan. Now, Logan's jealousy was getting the best of him and keeping him from realizing that there was a girl right in front of him that was just as good - if not, better - for him than Taylor. That's when it dawned on me. After I reunited with the guys, everything seemed to go downhill. Garrett and I weren't friends anymore because I was in love with Brian and not him, and now, Logan and Taylor's friendship was going down the drain because she was in love with Zack and not Logan. Is it just me or is a pattern beginning to form? I had to do something or else this was going to happen to someone else, and my worst fear was that it would happen to Matt and Val. Matt loved Val, and if anyone ever came between them, he'd fight to the death to keep her. I sighed, resting my head in my hands. I had a real problem on my hands, and since Matt knew nothing about Brian and I, it was up to me to fix it.

I glanced up at Brian as the most horrifying thought entered my mind. Maybe my life would be better without them. What was I thinking? Without them? Without them I'd be nothing. I'd have nothing! I loved Brian, and if he weren't here, there'd be a void waiting to be filled inside my chest. He's the missing piece of my puzzle. He's like the air that I breathe; I need him to survive. I felt like an idiot for thinking that. These guys were a part of my life now, and though it seemed like they were the reason my other life was falling apart, maybe it was time that I stopped living a double life. Maybe it was time that I combined the two of them and found common ground. Maybe I could save my friendship with Garrett and possibly Logan and Taylor's friendship. In a matter of seconds, things were starting to look up, but at that time, I didn't know that no matter what I did, nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen. Nothing could show me just how far "old friends" would go to get back what had been rightfully theirs. Nothing could have ever warned me of the cons of the guys being a part of my life again.

Nothing could prepare me for her.