You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

Blood had just begun to seep to the surface of my skin, lines of purple and black coloring the bruises. I tenderly brushed my fingers over my hips, hissing in pain as I did so. I never thought I'd see the day that Brian would physically hurt me, but I know he didn't intend to do it. I didn't mind, either, and it wasn't entirely his fault that he has no sense of reality in the heat of the moment. Though our escapade on the previous night had left me very sore, round three ensued early this morning. Once we were finished, Brian ushered me into the kitchen, claiming to be hungry. From there, we completed rounds four, five, six, and seven on the counter, on the floor, on the dining room table, and on the couch. Round eight ended nearly twenty minutes ago in the shower. Needless to say, I was exhausted, as was Brian.

With great ease, I carefully slipped a pair of black sweat pants onto my hips before adding a white cami to my torso. I threw my hair into a messy ponytail, leaving the bathroom. Brian smiled at me from where he lay in our bed wearing only a pair of basketball shorts. I returned the smile as I laid next to him. The time was nearing noon, and our plan was to relax all day. Yesterday had been very stressful and exciting for the both of us, and we needed time to rest. Brian softly kissed the top of my head as he placed his arm around my shoulders, gently stroking my arm with his thumb. I rested my head on his bare chest, his heart beat beneath my ear as I placed my hand on his abdomen. This was perfection. If only we could be like this every hour of every day.

As I began to drift into a deep slumber, Transformers blurring on the television as my eyes slowly closed, Brian's cell phone rang, Three Days Grace's Riot echoing inside our once silent room. He groaned as he reached for the gyrating device. When I awoke this morning, I found several text messages and missed calls from all of our friends congratulating me on my engagement. Brian had, obviously, relayed his plans to everyone before following through with them. Even my brother sent a congratulatory text message to me. Of course, I replied to all of them, thanking everyone for their support, but I had to do it quickly, seeing as Brian awoke only moments after I had. He pressed a few buttons, smiling as he read what I assumed to be a text message. He quickly typed a reply and said, "Jim and Lea are having a boy."

I smiled and replied, "I'm sure Jimmy's overjoyed."

Brian nodded. "He is. He's been bragging about it from the moment they left the doctor's office." I had no reply. I was exhausted, and I desperately needed sleep. A thought occurred to me, though, and it was one that terrified me in the most tantalizing fashion. Mentioning Leana's pregnancy helped me realize that I needed to make an appointment of my own. Brian and I were very sexually active, and even though we were getting married, I knew that neither of us wanted children any time soon. I planned to enjoy my married life before I ever thought of letting Brian impregnate me. I sighed heavily as I loosened Brian's hold, crawling out of the bed as I walked toward the door. I needed to research a suitable gynecologist/obstetrician before I could even think about making an appointment. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I need to do some research. Do you want to go with me?"

He sighed, smiling as he shook his head. "What are you researching?"

I toyed with a few stray threads on my cami and said, "I need a gynecologist in California."

He stared at me quizzically. "Why do you need a gynecologist in -" He paused, his eyes growing very wide as he continued. "Is there something you need to tell me about, Abby?"

I shook my head and laughed. "I'm not pregnant, Brian, but I am trying to prevent it. We make absolutely no effort to protect ourselves, and now that I'm sexually active, I feel that it's only right that I use birth control. Don't you?"

He sighed, smiling a bit. He was, obviously, relieved. "I do as long as I don't have to wear a condom."

"You don't have to wear a condom, baby," I added as I left the room. I heard footsteps behind me as I entered the living room where my laptop sat on the coffee table. I smiled to myself as Brian took a seat next to me on the couch. I'd definitely made him very nervous at the mention of a gynecologist, and it was obvious that he needed more than just one confirmation that I wasn't bearing his child. "Are you alright, Bri?" I asked as I waited for my laptop to spring to life, gently running my fingers through his hair.

He smiled as he rested his hand on my knee. "I'm fine."

"I know you all too well, Brian Haner. You can't lie to me."

He sighed, staring at the floor as he rubbed the back of his neck with his opposite hand. "Are you absolutely positive that you're not pregnant?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "Yes, I'm positive, and if I were, you'd know by now. I wouldn't take a pregnancy test without you with me. I'm not prepared to have a family, yet, Brian. We aren't prepared to have a family yet, and I assure you that I'm only researching a gynecologist for prevention purposes."

Brian smiled as he lightly brushed his fingers over mine, paying special attention to my sparkling engagement ring. "I'm glad, because even though I love you more than I'll ever be able to express, I'm not sure how I would react if I knew you were pregnant."

"I think you fear my brother's reaction more than your own," I added as I began my research.

He chuckled, saying, "You're probably right. He might kill me, you know."

"You have no reason to fear my brother, because when I am pregnant, we'll be married." Brian smiled down at me, softly kissing my lips as he did so. I noticed a change in his demeanor as he began to relax. Needless to say, I relaxed, too. It seemed as though Brian and I had telepathic emotions, if you will, but we've had times of less understanding. As I continued my research, Brian breezed into the kitchen, returning with two bottles of water. He placed one of the coffee table for me before kissing my lips once again, telling me that he was going to our room to sleep. I promised that I'd follow shortly once I'd finished before he left.

I quickly found a gynecologist/obstetrician that I felt I'd be comfortable with, scheduling an appointment for the following day at nine. I entered the kitchen, feeding Pinkly before I ascended the stairs to mine and Brian's room. I found Brian searching through several drawers, beneath the mattress, and inside our closet. He never acknowledged my presence as I crossed the room to our bed, Pinkly beneath my arm. I took a sip of my water as he searched behind his bureau, his eyes meeting mine as he faced me.

"Can I help you?" he asked as he searched through the cabinet containing all of his DVDs.

I placed Pinkly on the bed and said, "Yes. What the fuck are you doing?"

He incoherently mumbled a few words as he rearranged the DVDs before closing the cabinet. "I'm making sure that I have all the porn I need before you're pregnant. Eventually, I won't be able to have sex with you, and I need a Plan B."

"You have plenty of time to build your collection, honey," I said with a laugh as I crawled beneath the sheets.

He sighed, following suit as he said, "I know, but I want to be prepared."

"As do I, honey, as do I." Pinkly yawned as she crawled over to Brian, turning in circles a few times before resting on his chest. I laid my head on his shoulder, softly scratching her ears as Brian stroked her back. He placed his arm around my waist, gently rubbing circles on the bruises on my hips. I hissed in pain, shoving his hand aside, and he smiled down at me, kissing my lips. He knew that I was in terrible pain, and when he noticed the bruises after our shower, he felt awful for leaving marks on my body. I assured him that I'd heal, knowing very well that I'd left many marks on him.

Following Pinkly, he yawned and asked, "Did you schedule an appointment?"

I nodded as best I could and replied, "I'm seeing Dr. Kellie Redmond tomorrow at nine o'clock."

"Can I go with you?" he tempted. I wondered if he was still in doubt.

Smiling, I said, "Of course you can, honey. I'd prefer that you go with me."

He kissed the top of my head and added, "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too." Moments later, I drifted into a deep slumber, dreaming of only Brian.

---

Red fused with black as I stared at the clock beside my bed, the numbers falling into place. The time was nearly six. I'd been asleep for almost seven hours, and my fiancee was still sound asleep next to me. I smiled down at her sleeping form lying on my shoulder as her phone began playing The Used's Pretty Handsome Awkward. Leaning over her, I saw a very unwanted name flashing on the screen of her BlackBerry: Garrett. I sighed, opting not to wake her so that she could answer such a useless call. Though I'd agreed that it was best for Garrett to move to Huntington Beach, I would always be apprehensive of him, just as Abby was of Michelle. He was her past, and Michelle was mine. We would always fear them.

Gently removing the sheets from my body, I climbed out of the bed, trying my best not to disturb Abby or Pinkly as I did so. I left the room, feeling very parched. I entered the kitchen and searched the refrigerator for a beer. As I removed the cap, the doorbell rang. I wasn't curious as to who it might be. I assumed that it was one of mine or Abby's friends paying a visit, seeing as we hadn't made contact with anyone besides Leana all day, but upon opening the door, I found that I was terribly wrong.

"Why are you here?" I asked venomously.

He sighed, staring at the concrete beneath his feet as he answered, "Can we, please, forget about all of this, Brian? She's my best friend, and you're her -"

"Fiance," I inserted.

Garrett stared at me in disbelief. "You're her... her fiance? How is that possible?"

I smirked and replied, "I proposed, and she agreed to marry me."

"Don't you think you're moving a bit quickly? I mean, you were barely her boyfriend three months ago," he questioned nervously.

I leaned against the heavy door, taking a drink of my beer as I replied, "I've been in love with her for years. The notion was long overdue." Garrett chuckled, shaking his head. "What's so funny?"

His gray eyes met mine, and he asked, "Does she love you as much as you love her?"

As I contemplated my answer, I felt very confident. I nodded, answering, "She does."

"She never talked about you. She never talked about any of you, and if I were assuming her feelings, I'd say she didn't care."

Clenching my fists, the bottle in my hand prepared to shatter at any moment, I said, "This conversation is over." As I shoved the door in his direction, walking away, he placed his hand on the heavy oak, holding it open.

"I know there's bad blood between me and you, man, but as long as I'm her best friend and you're her future husband, we have to find common ground." I sighed, not speaking as I allowed him inside. Closing the door behind him, I walked into the kitchen to grab another beer from the refrigerator. I opened the bottle on the corner of the island where the stone had begun to chip from repeated use, offering to the alcohol to him. He took it with a smile as I led him over to the living room. I took a seat in my recliner as he eased onto the leather sofa across from me.

I stared at him as I took another drink of my beer. "You came here to find common ground, so find it," I demanded.

We spent nearly two hours telling our stories. As Garrett had hoped, we did find some common ground. I understood Abby's reason for not speaking of myself or anyone else in her past. If she would've told them about us, though, we could've avoided so many horrible things that have happened, but I couldn't blame her. It must've been painful to speak of us. Garrett and I also made many apologies, finally recovering from all the fights we'd endured. As I came to know him better, Garrett didn't seem to be the horrible person I'd made him out to be. We became friends, if you will. There was still much we'd yet to learn about each other, but only time would tell.

"Did your sister tell you about Abby's plan?" I asked.

He nodded and said, "Of course she did. She called me two days ago, and I instantly booked a flight. I'm staying with Zach and Taylor until I can find a place of my own. Jordan offered to buy a house with me, so I think we should find a decent place in a few weeks." Before I could reply, Abby's voice drifted down the stairs calling my name.

"I'm here, baby," I answered, meeting her at the bottom of the stairs. Pinkly followed quickly behind her, entering the living room where she began barking at Garrett. She smiled at me, kissing my lips a few times as she buried her face in my chest.

She inhaled deeply, kissing my skin as she replied, "You smell so good."

I kissed the top of her head as I led her into the living room. "You have a visitor."

"Who is it, Bri? I thought we were spending the day alone," she whined.

I laughed and replied, "I thought so, too, but I think you'll be glad to see him." As we entered the living room, Garrett stood, smiling brightly at Abby. She returned the smile, running into his arms. Something deep inside me shattered as she screamed his name, reminding me of the way she said mine in the heat of the moment. I silently prayed that I'd never have to hear her say his name like that again. Regardless of the conversation Garrett and I had just shared, I'd always be jealous of him. I'd always hope that he never existed, but a part of me would forever be in debt to him, thankful that he cared for Abby while I was absent. A conversation ensued between the two, so I chose to let them be, taking Pinkly outside. I took a seat in a deck chair as Pinkly thrashed around in the sand, chasing crabs into the ocean and barking at passers by. After some time of relaxing beneath the warm California sun, my phone began vibrating inside my pocket. I quickly retrieved it as Pinkly ran into my lap, finding that I had a text message from Abby.

I love you. I really do. I love you more than you know, Brian Haner, Jr., and thank you for what you did. I really appreciate it, honey.

I smiled. Garrett had, obviously, told her about our conversation. You're welcome, baby. I'd do anything to see you smile, and since we're both going to be a part of your life for a very long time, it was only fair that we make amends.

Rather than replying, she walked onto the deck, setting Pinkly aside as she straddled my lap to parade me with kisses. I assumed that Garrett had left, though neither of us seemed to care if he hadn't. She hungrily kissed down my neck, tugging the strings of my shorts downward. I laughed, gently gripping her hips to hold her steady. It seemed that her pain had quickly subsided.

"We should take this inside before we're arrested," I said as she softly kissed my jaw, nibbling on my earlobe.

She stopped her actions for a moment, whispering, "I'd gladly arrest you." She could say no more as I swept her into my arms.

We needed a room... and fast.