You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

I was fortunate to find my bed empty the following morning. I gingerly crawled from beneath the sheets, drawing the curtains. The room instantly darkened, my eyes adjusting to the contrast. I contemplated going downstairs for a moment. If he was awake, what would I say? If he was asleep, what would I do? I could only find the answer to those questions on the first floor. I opened the door, leaving the room and softly bounding down the staircase. I peeked over the banister to find Brian sound asleep on the leather sofa. It seemed as though our positions had alternated, but I didn't mind. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen to find that it was barely nine o'clock. I had plenty of time to have a stroke or a heart attack rather than having lunch with my so-called "parents". Shaking my head at my desperation, I sauntered into the kitchen, reaching into the refrigerator for the orange juice pitcher. I retrieved a small drinking glass from a local cabinet, and as I began to fill the container, I heard the sound of his voice behind me. As expected, it startled me, and I dropped the glass, shards dispersing to all corners of the kitchen. The orange juice splattered across every inch of the floor and cabinets within range.

Brian struggled to find the words to say. "I'm sorry. I - I didn't mean to scare you. I was only -" I chose to bottle my anger rather than unleash it on him again. I reached for a towel in a nearby drawer as Brian found a broom and a dust pan in the utility room.

"I don't need you, Brian." He didn't waste his breath. He simply placed the broom and the dust pan by the refrigerator, walking around the island to the stairs.

His strong, calloused hand rested on the polished mahogany of the banister as he watched me. "I told our friends in our wedding court about their positions last night. I just thought you should know."

I only nodded. "Thank you." He didn't bother with words as he made the trek up the stairs to our room. I could only wonder what his plans were for today, seeing as he'd already made mine. The angry side of me hoped that he'd be a miserable wreck all day, pondering over the conversations I was having with my parents, but the desperate side of me just wanted him to hold my hand throughout all of this. I tried my best to set those thoughts aside as I disposed of the last slivers of glass and soaked up the last drops of orange juice. I washed my hands, and as I turned, reaching for another towel, I found a set of keys lying on the island with a white tag attached to them. Taking the keys in my hand, I read the tag only to find my name, my address, and more information about my silver H2. I opened the door to find my very own vehicle parked in the garage next to Brian's Escalade. I also found several boxes stacked in front of the cars. I had sent a message to Ben weeks ago asking if he could ship my vehicle and the remainder of my possessions to California for me, and he agreed. I'd forgotten all about their arrival, but it was nice to know that I could finally have some of my old things again.

Reaching for the closest boxes, I removed the tape protecting the items inside. I searched through several of the boxes afterward, seeming to pair a decent ensemble together. With much contemplation, the outfit came to be a marvel almost, and I hoped it would be enough to impress my parents. I gathered the clothes and headed to the bathroom down the hall from the kitchen knowing that Brian was in our room. By now, it was nearing ten, and I knew that I would need a while to prepare for such an occasion as this. I showered for quite some time, making sure that every inch of my body was clean. When my shower was finished, I simply dried my hair, leaving it in bouncing tousles. I applied only a thin ring of eyeliner around my eyes, a bit of mascara to my lashes, a touch of blush to my cheeks, and a dash of lip gloss to my plump lips. I doused myself in Brian's favorite perfume, though the objective was not to seduce him, and dressed in the teal sweater dress and red heels I'd found. Much to my surprise, I appeared very presentable. Honestly, I looked as though I'd belonged to my parents' class all my life though I never thought I ever had. I sighed as I placed a pair of silver hoops in my ears, the diamonds in my engagement ring glistening in the sunlight shining through the window. It reminded me of Brian, and all of the things I said to him last night. I regretted all of my words, but I couldn't tell him that, not now.

I left the bathroom feeling very unbalanced in my heels, but I knew it was only because the time was near. I reached the kitchen, finding it to be nearly eleven twenty-five, and I'd need nearly half an hour to get to Long Beach in due time. I needed to leave now, and I was thankful for that. As I found my BlackBerry and my Coach bag by the door, I retrieved my keys from the island where I'd left them only to find Brian at the bottom of the stairs. He'd showered as well, his body newly clothed in his usual attire. He'd shaved after several days of not doing so, his eyes lined with that familiar coal liner. I could smell his intoxicating cologne from across the room, sending my heart into a frenzy. He smiled at me, his eyes floating across my body.

"You look beautiful," he said.

I fidgeted with my keys, at a loss for words. "Thank you. I have to go, Brian. I'll see you in a few hours." I turned to leave, my foot merely inches outside the door as his voice stopped me. I closed the door against my will, listening to his quick strides behind me. I shifted on my heel only to be met by his lips. I couldn't resist. I was madly in love with this man, and his touch was like ecstasy to me.

His hands cupped my face, his forehead pressed against mine. "I love you, Abigail, and I want nothing more than for this to resolve in your favor. All I care about is our future together, and I just want you to be happy."

Though I found it difficult to resist, I couldn't allow myself to give in to his charm, his intoxicating scent. "I have to go, Bri." The tears were building behind my eyes, and I had to leave before I ruined my eyeliner and mascara. I rushed to my H2, starting the engine as quickly as possible. I left the garage, yearning for the comfort of Brian's Escalade. I'd forgotten how much I hated this vehicle. It was enormous, and it just didn't seem to possess the traits of the Escalade. I vowed from that very moment that I would buy a new vehicle very soon.

I spent the next half an hour in utter silence. I needed my mind to be as calm and serene as possible. I needed to be fluent and alert, my senses sharpened for any signs of treason or betrayal. I entered Long Beach only to realize that I had absolutely no idea where these people resided. I couldn't bring myself to call my fiance or my brother, for I knew their egos had been inflated to a certain extent in successfully forcing me to do the unthinkable. While contemplating my next move, I found a small sheet of paper on the dashboard. I reached for it, finding the very address I'd been pondering. Brian had definitely planned ahead, and though I hated to do so, I set the address in my GPS, allowing the vehicle to carry me to my destination.

I arrived at the most astounding mansion I'd ever seen in my life. Had I reconciled with my parents sooner, I would've had the chance to live in this beautiful place, and that thought astonished me. I couldn't believe that Matt had grown up here, yet he chose to stay with Grams, Gramps, and myself most of his days. I knew that he'd chosen what he loved over luxury, though, and I couldn't have been more grateful for that. I slowly crept up the paved driveway until I was met by wrought-iron gates branded with a large S. I took a deep cleansing breath, uncertain of what I should do next, but in that instant, the gates opened, allowing me inside. I lowered my foot onto the pedal once again, my vehicle lurching forward. I came to a halt before a beautiful fountain, every breed of fish swimming within its water. Climbing out of my vehicle, I examined the yard, finding only precisely manicured hedges and flowers. This place wasn't a home. It wasn't a home at all. It was an institution, but I forced myself to keep an open mind for the sake of my engagement, for Brian's sake.

I shifted my attention to theasylum mansion behind me. It was rather exquisite, and as I neared the front doors, they, too, opened for me. I was a bit taken back, startled by the action, and I entered cautiously. It was just as attractive in the interior. It was truly a marvel, though it lacked a feeling of home. I was greeted by a female assistant dressed in a very expensive Gucci suit who informed me that my mother and father were expecting me in the den where lunch would be served. I simply nodded and followed the woman down the longest corridor I'd ever walked in my entire life. We finally reached a set of very heavy mahogany doors at the end of the corridor, and as we did so, the woman turned and smiled at me. She barely touched the polished wood, and the doors parted. Her smile remained as she left me there, standing before my parents.

My heart stopped immediately. I was absolutely certain that I was going to die right there as my gaze met that of my parents. I hadn't realized just how much I resembled my mother. Our hair, our lips, our noses, our ears were all the same, but her eyes were a bright blue, the brightest of blues I'd ever seen. I found that my eye color originated from my father, his eyes a pure green with intricate streaks of chocolate brown intertwined. He resembled my brother so much that it was heart-breaking. There was not a single doubt in my mind that I belonged to these people, that I was their flesh and blood, that they had given me life, but I remained defiant.

The velvet sound of my mother's voice echoed throughout out the marble room. "Please have a seat, Abigail."

Finally finding the strength deep within me to speak, I said, "Call me Abby, I insist."

"It's wonderful to see you, dear. You look well," my father added.

I nodded. "I am. Thank you."

My mother cleared her throat, sipping her tea as she offered a cup to me. I graciously accepted out of courtesy. "Brian told us that he'd found a lovely young woman to marry, but I never expected it to be you." I couldn't find the words to say. How could I respond to such arrogance? She noticed my expression and struggle for words. "You misunderstood, my love. I certainly didn't mean it like that. We were just surprised to learn of your love for one another."

"How did you know that Brian and I were engaged?" I asked.

Gesturing to my ring, my father said, "Of course, that beautiful ring is an obvious sign, but Matthew told us about the two of you. He's been updating us on your status with each visit. He wants you to have a relationship with us just as desperately as we want to have a relationship with you, sweetheart."

I was sickened by their attempts to sugar coat all these years of alienation. I couldn't withstand another compliment. I placed my cup on the coffee table between myself and my parents, smoothing my sweater dress after doing so. "Listen, I came here for a reconciliation, not your sugar-coated compliments. I'm a very straight forward person, and if you don't mind, I'd like to cut to the chase."

They didn't seem offended in the least bit. "Alas, we see the real Abby emerge," my mother said with delight. "We understand that you're angry, dear, and we know there is no way we could ever apologize for what we've done. All we can do is try to build a relationship with you and aide you in this journey we call life," my mother said.

"Why don't we begin a little earlier? Let's start in the delivery room where I was born. Why were you so disgusted by my gender? Why would you have traded me for another son?"

They glanced between one another, their intertwined hands like inseparable vines. "There is no reasonable explanation for this, Abby, but I won't lie to you. We know that you're prepared to hear this, and the truth is that we'd never wanted a daughter. All we'd ever wanted were sons to carry on the family name. My parents had a daughter amongst their eight sons, and my father refused to keep her. My mother was forced to leave her in an orphanage, and quite some time after you were born, I was finally reunited with her. I'd somehow developed the actions of my father, and when I told my sister of what I'd done, how I'd forced your mother to send you into her parents' arms, she was disgusted. Her reaction made me realize that I'd made the most horrific mistake a parent could ever make in their entire lives." Tears were building in my eyes as my father spoke. His words were the most difficult words I had ever been forced to hear. He cleared his throat, ever emotion bubbling to the surface. My mother sat as still as a stone, tears leaking from her eyes. "You see, sweetheart, every ounce of this is my fault, and not a bit of it can be blamed on your mother. I was egotistical at that age, and my only goal in life was to please my father. He was my idol, and I was a servant to his rule. He was a cruel man, believing that women were intended to be wives and mothers and nothing more. He was outraged when he discovered that your mother was a successful women with her very own career, creating a life for herself without my assistance. She was self-sufficient, and he refused to accept it. I was allowing my life to spiral down a drain, and I'd lost my only daughter due to my stupidity and arrogance." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts and choosing his words wisely. "If you should so choose to continue to hold a grudge after you leave here today, all I ask is that you don't hold it against your mother. You can blame me, and I won't feel ashamed. I'll take responsibility for actions as I always have."

"I'd always wanted a little princess of my own, regardless of what anyone else believed. I'd always wanted a daughter to share my wisdom with. I loved our son, but I craved a little girl of my own. I just couldn't bring myself to tell your father. When I became pregnant and found that you were, in fact, the beautiful baby girl I'd been dreaming of, I was overjoyed, but your father refused to allow me to keep you. He considered abortion, forcing his opinion on me, but I retaliated. I'd lost my rights as a woman when I married him and met his father, but I couldn't let him take you from my body. It was the only thing I could still truly control in my life. I kept you for all the days I could, fearing the day when you would be born into this horrid world, and when he gave you to my parents, I was crushed. I couldn't believe that I was going to live a life without the little girl of my dreams. When he came to his senses, finally realizing just how important you are, it was far too late. We feared we couldn't undo what had been done, but you're here now. You've come here, though we know you didn't want to, but that means nothing. You're here, and that's all that matters. I want to have a relationship with you, my dear, and so does your father. I couldn't live another day without a little princess of my own knowing that you're alive and well, so please allow us to be a part of your life, Abby."

I was hysterical by this point. I couldn't believe this. I absolutely could not believe what I'd just heard. All these years I could've had the parents I so longed for. I could've had a caring father, my guardian and a wise mother, my rock. I could've had the perfect life with Brian still in it. I could've had it all had I just let go of the grudge. I allowed myself to calm down, taking several deep, cleansing breaths and wiping the tears from my cheeks. Meeting the desperate gaze of my parents, I replied, "If we would've had this conversation years ago, could I have been a member of this family?"

My father smiled. "Sweetheart, you have our last name, you possess our traits. You have always been and will always be a member of this family."

"With that being said, I'd love for you to be a part of my life." The tears flowed even faster, my parents engulfing me in strong hugs. I'd waited for this moment my entire life, and I could finally let my guard down. I felt as though the dark cloud that hovered over me for so many years had finally disappeared, replaced by the warm rays of a glowing sun. I felt whole for the first time, and I could continue living my life without regrets. My parents ushered me onto the couch between them, my hand firmly grasped in those of my father. They reminded me much of Matt's: strong and calloused yet tender and caring, aged by years of use. My mother's hand rested on my knee, her smooth touch as soothing as ever. "I can't believe this is really happening. I can't express to either of you how truly happy I am."

"There's no need to, honey. We can clearly see it written all over your beautiful face," my mother cooed. I smiled, more tears leaking from my eyes. My father graciously wiped them away.

I stared into my lap, uncertain of how they would interpret my next words. "What should I call the both of you?" I exchanged glances with my parents as they exchanged glances with one another.

My father shrugged. "Matthew refers to us as simply Mom and Dad."

I nodded in approval. "Mom and Dad it is, then."

There was a comfortable silence for a moment before Dad spoke again. "I'd like to ask a favor of you, Abby, if you don't mind." I nodded again. "I'd like to know if you would allow me to walk you down the aisle at your wedding."

I began crying all over again. I was still in disbelief, crying for several minutes before I could successfully provide an answer. "Of course you can but with one exception."

"What is that, my love?"

I swallowed hard, clearing my throat for a firm reply. "Alongside yourself, I'd like for Gramps to walk me down the aisle. I haven't asked him yet, but I plan to do so at our wedding shower next month to which you're both invited."

Dad smiled. "Of course, sweetheart, of course. Anything for you."

I smiled at my parents. This was, by far, the best time of my life. How I was feeling couldn't be put into words. I felt like a real human being for the first time in my entire life, like a gust of wind had been blown into my lungs, breathing life into me forever more. My dreams and every wish I'd ever made had come true today, and I owed every ounce of my happiness to my wonderful fiance and the most amazing brother in the world.

I spent hours with my parents, chatting about my childhood. I told them about every event I could recall from the time I was a toddler to this very day. I'd lost track of time in doing so, and I hated to leave. I'd found the mansion to be less of an institution and more of a home. I'd seen past the expensive decor to the true meaning behind it all, and I felt as though I'd been living there with those people all my life. It was nearing six when I left the mansion, rain pouring down on the windshield of my H2 as I sped to my brother's home. I needed to speak to him immediately, and I arrived with perfect timing. I left all of my belongings, including the keys, inside my vehicle as I climbed out into the relentless rain that soaked every inch of my body, my sweater dress clinging to every curve. I made no attempt to knock on the door, but rather, I entered by my own will. Startling her, Val screamed, alerting my brother who came bounding down the stairs.

Val laughed, saying, "It's just Abby, babe. I'm fine." Shifting her attention, she asked, "What brings you here, love?"

I smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for doing this for me. I just... I never thought that I would ever be this satisfied with calling two people Mom and Dad, but I am, and I owe all of my happiness to you. You made this possible for me, and I love you more than words could express." I threw myself into my brother's arms, hugging him as tightly as possible.

"You're welcome, and I love you, too, Abbs, but I can't take all of the credit for this. Brian is the person who really made this day possible. I don't know that I could've convinced you - much less, could I have forced you - to make amends with Mom and Dad, and speaking of Brian, he's been looking for you all day. Where have you been?"

I shrugged. "I've been with Mom and Dad. I should've called, I know, but I was just so engrossed in talking with them that I must've forgotten. I'm headed home, now, though, and I'll see the both of you later." I offered a quick goodbye before running out to my vehicle once more.

As carefully and strategically as possible, I parked my vehicle in the garage and hurried inside. Slamming the door behind me, I leaned against it's hard interior, listening to the sound of the television in the next room. Rather than interrupting Brian, I rushed to the bathroom down the hall, instantly stripping the dress and heels from my body. I placed my earrings by the sink, grabbing a soft, cotton towel to dry my hair. After doing so, I wrapped the white material around my naked frame, exiting the room. I reached the end of the hall only to find Brian standing behind the island, glaring at me with his arms crossed over his bare chest. He wore nothing more than a pair of very loose, gray sweat pants, and I could only seem to focus on his exposed skin.

Anger flashed in his eyes. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Were you worried?" I asked, toying with my damp hair.

He scoffed. "Of course I was worried. You're my fiancee."

I simply rolled my eyes as I moved toward the stairs. "Excuse me, Mr. Haner, but I am a free woman. Forgive me for reconciling with my parents." I turned to find him frozen, a smile forming on his face. With a few short strides, he enveloped me in a tight hug, his lips instantly meeting mine. He pinned me against the nearest wall, our tongues waging war. "I love you," I managed to say between kisses.

He smiled into my lips, replying, "I love you more, and I have a surprise for you." I offered only silence as he continued, "Papa Roach and Good Charlotte are flying in for a visit tomorrow."

"Really?! That's fantastic! Oh, honey, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for all the things I said to you last night."

Brian laughed. "I love you, too, baby, and I'll forgive you as long as I can sleep with you tonight rather than on that lousy sofa with Pinkly."

I smiled deviously, running my hands down his toned torso. "You can do much more than just sleep with me tonight."

He shivered beneath my touch, replying, "Your hands feel like ice. Have you been standing out in the rain?"

I nodded as best as I could in the position I was in, tracing the contours of Brian's chest as I answered, "I went to see my brother before I came home. I had to thank him but not nearly as much as I'll be thanking you."

He kissed my lips a few more times, groaning as I lowered my hands into his sweat pants. "That explains your lack of clothing. You must've been soaked."

"Indeed, I was."

Brian chuckled, his face merely inches away from my own. "You're awfully convincing," he said, his breath hitching in his throat as I held him firmly in my hand.

Smiling, I replied, "You ain't seen nothin' yet." With not a moment's notice, he threw me over his shoulder, bounding up the stairs toward our room. He shoved the door aside when he reached his destination, throwing me onto the bed.

"Why do you even bother?" he asked, holding my towel in his hand. I shrugged, and he smiled throwing the material across the room. Hovering over me, his lips met mine once more, his hands on either side of my head. He used his knee to party my legs where he settled between them as I quickly removed his pants along with his boxers. He wasted not a single moment joining our bodies. I moaned in utter pleasure, the orgasm already building in my lower abdomen. Brian began at a steady rhythm, keeping my orgasm at bay. His lips left mine as he trailed down my neck, pausing at my breasts. I moaned once more as he paid special attention to each of my nipples, gently nibbling and sucking on each one. My manicured nails sunk into the skin of his back, leaving a familiar mark behind, but he never noticed. His lips returned to mine as his pace increased along with my orgasm. I could feel myself at the very edge, prepared to take the plunge, but Brian wouldn't allow me to. I couldn't hold on much longer as the pressure continued to build and Brian's pace continued to increase. Moments later, my walls closed around him just as he spilled into me. He rode out our orgasms before lying next to me beneath the sheets. I smiled at him, running my fingers through his hair.

"I love you," I said.

He smiled in return. "I love you, too."

"Let's do it again."