You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

The following two weeks were crucial, and because they were so, Brian and I spent the first one and a half in total seclusion. If our phones rang, we didn't answer them. If someone was at the door, we didn't allow them inside. All we needed was each other, and we spent all day every day making love. I never so much as glanced at a clock or a calendar the entire time. I'd lost all track of time, but I didn't care. I could live like this for the rest of my life, just myself and Brian. We rarely ate, but when we did, we made it count, because we needed the energy for the next go around. I never wore a single article of clothing all week, because it always ended up in shreds on the floor. I never bothered to clean the house, because we left no surface untouched. To me, this was perfection, but it had to end some time.

Brian and I had spent yet another night beneath our ripped sheets with the cracked headboard and the hole in the wall behind it, and as usual, I had slept it off throughout the entire day and a few hours into the night. I'd finally become accustomed to extreme amounts of sex, and I was capable of keeping Brian satisfied without pain, but I hadn't earned the energy span just yet. Vanilla scented candles sat on every surface in the room, burning until there was nothing left. Wax had dripped down the mahogany drawers of the bureau, the nightstands, and the desk, but neither Brian nor I cared. Tossing, I found Brian's side of the bed unmade and empty. I yawned as I pulled myself into a sitting position, darkness blending with the jet blacks curtain that shaded the windows.

As I stood on the cool hardwood floor, hugging the sheets to my naked body, I found a path of iris petals on the floor. I knelt and reached for a handful of the petals, bringing them to my face as I basked in their scent. They were as soft as Brian's skin, smelling as rich and sweet as honey. I smiled, remembering the day that I told Brian that irises were my favorite flower. We were strolling through Central Park after band practice one afternoon, the very same afternoon that we discovered the secret spot, where I found a bed of irises growing. I'd never seen such a beautiful flower in my life, and I loved their color, their scent. I found a single iris with a note attached lying on the bureau on top of a large, white box wrapped in a black, satin ribbon as I stood again. Unfolding the think parchment, I found Brian's familiar scrawl.

For you.

It was a simple gesture, yet it was very romantic. I couldn't put my finger on his reasoning for this occasion, but I wasn't going to argue. I pulled on the black, satin ribbon and removed the lid. Inside, I found a brand new ensemble that Brian had pieced together himself. I was astonished by how many articles of clothing it consisted of, considering how few I'd been wearing lately, but nonetheless, I showered and put it on as I was told to do. Brian preferred my tousled hair, so I simply applied a touch of mousse after my shower to keep it so. Assuming that tonight was very important, I carefully applied my cosmetics, paying special attention to every detail. I completely avoided lip gloss, knowing very well that Brian would agree. I quickly examined my appearance before settling on the fact that I looked just fine. Upon leaving the bathroom, I continued to follow the trail of petals, more candles lining the walls as I descended the stairs. The trail ended at the bottom of the stairs where Brian stood. He, too, had dressed for the occasion, and I couldn't help but wish we were upstairs again in the disaster area we called our bedroom still making love.

"It's strange to see you in clothing," I simply stated.

He laughed as he replied, "I could say the same for you." I smiled at him as I gently kissed his lips, placing my fingers in his front pockets. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my lower back.

Puzzledly, I asked, "What's the occasion?"

He stared at me in confusion. "Do you have any idea what day it is?"

I shrugged. "I haven't known what day it's been for an entire week, Brian. What makes today any different?" He released me, walking over to a calendar hanging on the wall that still hung on May. He flipped through the pages until he reached October, pointing to the third day in the first week. "The date is October 3rd, my love, which means that today is your twenty-third birthday."

Burying my face in my palms, I groaned. "I can't believe today is my fucking birthday. How could I forget my own birthday?"

Brian laughed as I watched him. "We've been awfully busy, babe, so I don't blame you. Nonetheless, I've already made plans for you, and these plans are a surprise," he said as he produced a black bandana from his pocket. Without warning, he wrapped the cloth around my head, covering my eyes. He took my hand in his own and guided me into the Escalade. From that moment forward, I had no concept of reality. I could only relax and allow Brian to take me wherever he wished. His hand never left my own as he drove to our destination.

It felt as though we were taking the longest drive of our lives, but I never felt the urge to peek once. I knew that something very interesting awaited me, and that's all that mattered. Silence had engulfed the two of us as the drive continued, and I felt as though I'd gone years without hearing Brian's voice. "If this is what it's like to be blind, then I would be just fine with never seeing an ounce of daylight again."

"Why is that?" Brian asked.

I smiled at him, though I couldn't see his reaction, and said, "I don't need to know what you look like to know that I love you, Brian. All I need is to hear your voice, to smell your scent." He gently kissed my hand. I knew he was flattered.

The Escalade came to a halt moments later, and Brian helped me out of the vehicle. I heard only the whistle of the wind as he guided me toward a building. He held the door for me as he, now, ushered me forward. "Happy birthday," he whispered as he removed the bandana. Screams and shouts erupted as I found myself surrounded by all of our friends. I was whisked away from Brian by the girls, who were aching to load me up on alcohol. I was thrown into a familiar booth between Jason Berry and Cam Rackam before I finally realized exactly where I was, and I never would've thought that Brian would bring me to Johnny's. He must've rented the entire place for this very occasion, because I saw no unfamiliar faces.

"It's been a while, Abbs," Cam said as he placed a beer in my hand.

I nodded, taking a long drink. "Longer than you could ever imagine."

Jason stared at Brian and Jimmy who were beginning a round of pool at a table across the room. "The next three months are gonna be pretty tough." I only stared at him. He smiled down at me as I sunk lower into the leather seat. "All Jimmy's talked about for the past few weeks is his kid. He's so excited about having a son, and he may not even be here when he's born."

"Do you have to remind me?" I asked as I took another drink of my beer.

Cam patted my thigh and said, "It'll be alright, Abbs."

Lightly punching Jason's arm, I commanded, "Guard him with your life."

He laughed. "I'm a drum technician, honey, not a bodyguard." I shrugged as I finished my beer, demanding another one. It was my birthday, and I was gonna get totally hammered. Moments later, Taylor was crawling over Jason's lap in the shortest and tightest dress that ever existed, wedging herself between us. It was obvious that she'd already had a few too many. "Happy birthday, Abbycakes!" she shouted as she threw her arms around my shoulders.

Jason had shifted his attention to his brother and Jordan, and Cam was totally engulfed in the conversation he was having Brent and Logan. "Thanks, Tay," I replied.

She smiled, biting her lower lip and bouncing her heels. "I have a gift for you," she squealed. I chose not to say anything more as she reached into the clutch she'd been carrying with her. She seemed to instantly sober as she placed the tiny box in my hands. I removed the lid to find the most astounding gift I'd ever been given inside. "I've been holding onto this for a while. It was lying in a drawer by your bed back in Vegas, but I couldn't bring myself to return it to you, not in your state of mind or with your emotional stability after Zach told me that it was Brian's first guitar pick. It was a piece of your past, and I've never found the right time to return it to you until now." I nearly burst into tears, but instead, I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as possible.

"Thank you so much, Taylor. I really appreciate you returning this to me. This is the best birthday gift I've ever received," I said. The small, black triangle with its rounded edges held such a unique history for it had been passed down through generations. It had belonged to Papa Gates, and when the time came, Brian inherited it. In later years, Brian passed it on to me. Every song I have ever written was written with this pick, every show I had ever played was played with this pick. I left it in a drawer by my bed in our house in Vegas for those times when I would find myself thinking about Brian. I would hold the aging plastic, feeling its cool surface between my fingers. Being so distracted by Brian's reappearance in my life, I'd forgotten all about the priceless family heirloom, my good luck charm, but now, as I stare at the small, geometric shape, I'm determined to pass this pick on to our children.

I could feel Taylor watching me as I continued to stare at the wonder in my hands. I gently closed the box, my eyes meeting hers just as tears began to form within them. "How are you doing this? How do you maintain your composure knowing that you're going to be alone for such a long time? I don't understand why I feel like this, why it hurts so much."

I smiled as I rested my hand on her knee. "It's love, sweetheart. This is what it feels like. It perfect at first, then when you're forced to part, it feels as though your entire world is crashing down around you."

Taylor shifted her position in the booth, staring across the room at Zach, who had joined Brian and Jimmy at the pool table. "I've never truly been in love, and honestly, I never loved Logan. Our relationship was based solely on sex and a materialistic lifestyle, but I never cared about the diamonds or the expensive cars. When I met Zach, Logan quickly realized that I wasn't the one for him, because I so desperately want to be the one for Zach. I've never envisioned myself as wife and mother material, but I've always wanted to be, and if this is what Zach wants, then I'm ready and willing to give it to him."

Her gaze remained fixed on Zach as I added, "He was a heart breaker in high school. He had the most astounding charm anyone could ever witness, and every girl was dying for her chance alone with him. Over the years, he aged into a man, and though women came and went, he never found the one for him. None of them ever seemed to be good enough until you crashed into his life." Silence engulfed us for a moment before I regained my wisdom. "Patience is all you need, my dear. Your time will come."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she glanced at me and said, "I could never go to the lengths that you have. You spent years waiting for Brian, and I've only known Zach for a few months."

"True love waits," I said.

She smiled at me as she replied, "You are, by far, the best friend that I have ever had, Abigail Sanders, and I hope the we remain so for the rest of our lives."

I shrugged as I answered, "Things could change."

Puzzedly, she asked, "What ever could that be?"

With a smile, I said, "My last name." She threw her arms around me in a hug, thanking me for the advice and this chance to talk before she climbed over Jason's lap again to be at Zach's side. As I sat in the booth between all these men, I felt a bit of relief. An unbelievable weight had been lifted from my shoulders in talking with Taylor, yet another force had been applied. Only two days remained before Brian departed and my suffering began. Suddenly, I craved another drink. The table was desolate of any sort of alcohol, so disturbing him yet again, I crawled over Jason's lap as I headed to the bar.

Upon ordering a Long Island Iced Tea, Brian appeared beside me, leaning against the bar. "Come here often?" he asked coyly.

As we laughed together, I took a long drink of the alcohol the bartender had quickly returned with, offering the beverage to Brian, who gratefully accepted. "Not as often as I should," I replied.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, Brian said, "I hope you're enjoying your party."

Staring into his chocolate brown eyes, I found the prominence of the guitar pick in my pocket to be more obvious than ever. "I'm having the time of my life, honey."

He kissed my lips a few times before saying, "How about another round of beers and a slice of birthday cake?"

"That sounds wonderful."

I spent hour after hour drinking and dancing at Johnny's before I decided that I needed to rest. The sun had yet to rise, though I knew morning was just around the corner, and Brian drove home as quickly as possible. He left the Escalade parked in the driveway, escorting me out of the vehicle and into our humble abode. Upon entering, I found yet another path of iris petals and more vanilla scented candles lining the walls. I turned to Brian with a questioning expression, but he simply shrugged and ushered me inside. Following his touch, I kept walking until I reached the kitchen. I found every room in sight to be spotless with more paths of petals branching to specific destinations, more and more candles lining each and every wall.

"This is my gift to you," Brian whispered as he stood behind me. "All you have to do is follow the paths." Glancing between Brian and the paths I stood between, I chose to follow the one leading into the garage first. I gingerly opened the door, reaching for the light switch to my left. As light illuminated the room, I found a single vehicle masked by a tan, fitted cover with a white envelope lying on the hood. I reached for the paper as I walked over to the car, Brian's scent wafting through my nostrils as I removed the letter.

It's every woman's dream is to drive fast and live on the edge.

Yet another of Brian's witty remarks. As I smiled at the letter, I took the cover in my hand, pulling it swiftly away from the vehicle. Beneath the material was my very own silver Porsche Cayman. I had always wanted a Porsche, because as Brian stated, it's every woman's dream to drive fast and live on the edge. I was speechless and absolutely astonished. Excitement flooded through my veins as I skipped back into the house only to find myself alone. I called Brian's name a few times, but I heard no answer. I thought nothing of his absence for I knew he couldn't have gone far as I chose my next path, which lead onto the deck. A gentle breeze caressed my skin as I found a small, blue box wrapped in a white, satin ribbon lying on the banister on top of another envelope. Opening the envelope first, the letter read:

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

I strategically loosened the ribbon tied around the box, watching it fall before removing the lid. Inside, I found a pair of Tiffany Hearts earrings with brilliant round diamonds set in platinum from Tiffany & Co. in New York City. Being speechless was a thing of the past. I, now, found myself to be utterly breathless. I owned plenty of diamonds, yet Brian showered me in so many more. I was spoiled, to say the least. With both envelopes and the Tiffany box in hand, I returned to the interior, following another path into the living room. In the very corner of the room, conveniently placed near an open window with flowing white curtains, sat a the most beautiful baby grand piano that ever existed. It, too, adorned an envelope.

Music speaks to the soul.

I adored the sound of a finely tuned piano. By far, I believed it was the most perfect instrument that had ever been invented, and I loved writing songs on a piano. Unfortunately, I'd never had one of my own until now. I could already see myself spending my days writing song after song here. Tearing myself away from the mechanical wonder, I followed the last path to the only other destination there could be: the second floor. Ascending the stairs, I watched as the petals disappeared into our room. Smiling to myself as I opened the door, I realized the moral of this treasure hunt. This room appeared to be untouched. Our torn clothing, our broken headboard, our ripped sheets, the hole in the wall - everything was as it had been hours before except for a tiny detail that had been added in the corner. I laughed as I sauntered over to the newly installed stripper pole in the corner of our room, reaching for the envelope lying on the floor.

Quality entertainment for such a fine gentleman.

"I was serious when I said I wanted dinner and a show," Brian's voice sounded. I turned to find him sitting on our bed.

He smiled at me, and I smiled in return as I joined him, straddling his lap. "Thank you so much for all of this, Brian. This has been the best birthday of my entire life, but these gifts are far too extravagant."

Glancing past me, he asked, "Even the stripper pole?" I laughed as he continued. "These gifts are meaningless compared to you, Abby. These are just the materialistic things that I have to offer, but the time we've spent right here, the love we've made right here is the real aspect of it all, which brings me to my final gift for you." Reaching into a nearby bed side drawer, he produced the final envelope. I stared at him as I placed my hand inside only to find a handful of pictures of an unfamiliar home. He never spoke a word as I flipped through the photographs, thoroughly examining each one. When I reached the last picture, I nearly fainted, because the very last photograph contained a shot of a real estate sign that read: SOLD. "This place is ours. This place is the very home where we can start our marriage and raise a family. This place is home, and I'm taking you there tomorrow." I could only kiss him as the tears began to flow down my cheeks. His lips returned the favor with as much fire and passion as I had. Positioning my body beneath his, he hovered over me, his lips never leaving mine. The chemistry between us, the electricity that flowed was magnificent, and it only increased as we continued to make love.