You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

It was nice to find a moment of peace with Brian as we traveled across the sea. I'd been unconscious for so many hours, yet the silence between us was soothing. I rested my head in his lap as we shared the ear buds connected to his iPod. I'd been given the duty of choosing the music, settling for Safetysuit's Stay[/i[. I'd begun to drift into a sort of slumber as he alternated between toying with my hair and stroking my side. I'd managed to stay awake this long by focusing on the people surrounding us. My brother and his wife slept soundly across the aisle, Val huddled into Matt's chest. Jimmy and Leana were seated behind us. Jim had given Lea the window seat, allowing her support as he rubbed her feet. They eventually fell asleep, of course. Johnny and Lacey sat beside them. Lacey had laid her head on Johnny's shoulder, his resting on hers. Zach and Taylor were in the very last seat. Taylor had crawled into Zach's lap as soon as we were in the air, falling asleep almost instantly as he wrapped his arms around her. This was sheer bliss, and I basked in every waking moment.

I found it difficult to fall asleep, knowing that Brian was focused on me. I sat up, startling him a bit. He could barely hold his eyes open as I kissed his lips a few times, caressing his unshaven face. "Go to sleep, baby. You're exhausted."

He chuckled. "I can't, not until you do."

"I'll be fine, Brian," I said with a smile. "You need your rest, and I've had plenty."

He smiled at me through the cloud of weariness that surrounded him as he rested his head in my lap, our positions now switched. "Why are you always so selfless? Can't I do anything for you?"

I smiled as I replied, "Only if I can do something for you in return." He seemed to accept my answer as he made himself comfortable, the song changing to Boys Like Girls's Me, You and My Medication. I stared out the window at the dispersing clouds, running my fingers through Brian's hair.

"I love you," he said, his eyes closed.

I smiled again as I added, "I love you more."

We arrived in London, England, several hours later. England was a beautiful place, filled with eclectic Gothic scenery, but it always seemed to rain here, just like it was now. Brian and I stood outside the airport beneath an awning with our luggage, watching the rain fall. The temperature had to be nearly forty degrees with a light breeze blowing occasionally. I'd placed my hood on my head when we arrived, wrapping my arms around Brian's torso beneath his jacket to keep my hands warm. He'd slept throughout the majority of the plane ride, his usual sarcastic, smart-ass mood had returning upon receiving sufficient rest.

"What the fuck is taking them so damn long?" he asked, squeezing my hips where his hands rested beneath the flap of my foldover yoga pants to keep them warm.

I shrugged as I rested my head against his chest, his words barely audible amidst the pounding of the rain and the beating of his heart. "I have absolutely no idea, but they better hurry, because this whole body heat exchange thing isn't working."

He laughed as he looked down at me, his hands moving further down my hips. "This isn't exactly the best way to exchange body heat, babe."

"Tell me something I don't already know," I said smugly. He rolled his eyes as our group emerged from the terminal. Jimmy groaned as he carried his and Leana's bags past us to the tour bus that had arrived only momentarily. Brian reached for our bags behind me, refusing to allow me to carry my own. The others followed closely behind, moving as quickly as possible in the pouring rain without tripping or falling, and needless to say, we were all thankful for the shelter of the bus. Jason and Matt were already inside. While Matt drove the bus to our hotel across the city, Jason prepared the bunks. Brian claimed a top bunk for the both of us as I dried the water from my hair with a towel as best I could. I was definitely going to take a shower when we reached the hotel.

Jason approached me as I stood in the doorway of the bathroom. "Matt should've killed that motherfucker," he whispered as he gently brushed the tiny lesion on my lip. He didn't want Brian to hear our conversation for fear of upsetting him again. I couldn't find the words to say as I simply nodded. Every woman's worst nightmare became a reality for me last night, and though I seemed fine, I was going to need time to physically and emotionally heal. I'd somehow managed to cope with making love to Brian without the memories flooding back, though Johnny hadn't gotten nearly as far as Brian has, but each time I see the bruises on my thighs and wrists, I think of the love marks Brian would leave on my body, then I'm reminded of who truly left them there. Jason seemed to notice my lack of reality, startling me as he rested his hand on my upper arm. "Everyone's here for you, Abbs. If you need to talk about this, anyone would be willing to listen."

A small smile captured my lips as I replied, "Thanks, Jason." He smiled in return as he walked past me. Brian sauntered over to me from the bunk area as I placed the towel I'd been using on a rack.

"Are you alright, baby?" he asked, touching my lip in the very same fashion that Jason had, pain searing through my jaw as he did so. "You're bleeding again." I hadn't noticed that Jason's delicate touch had ripped the protective scab from my wound, leaving it open. Brian reached for the towel I'd been using, dabbing at the blood that slowly dripped down my chin.

Taking the towel from him to apply pressure, I said, "I'm fine, Bri. It just stings a little."

He kissed my forehead as he tousled my damp hair. "If you need anything, let me know." I only nodded as he turned and walked back to our bunk. I entered the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I threw the bloody towel onto the toilet as I examined my lip in the mirror. The laceration was very deep, and truthfully, I needed a stitch or two. As long as I could keep my lips as far away from Brian's as possible, I would heal perfectly, and possibly, without much of a scar, but I highly doubted that was going to happen.

I emerged from the bathroom just in time for Matt to park the bus in the rear parking garage of The Stafford Hotel. It was the most luxurious hotel in London, and I was beyond overjoyed that we were staying here. Brian grabbed our luggage as we were the first couple to leave the bus hand in hand. We were thankful for the concrete above our heads, shielding us from the unforgiving rain as we entered the lobby of the hotel. This was the best part of being on tour: breakfast in bed, laundry and valet service, conference rooms. Life was more enjoyable when someone else was caring for you. Brian gave the desk clerk Larry's full name, which every hotel reservation was under, and she produced a key to a suite on the top floor. We proceeded to the elevator with our key and our luggage, spending nearly five minutes inside before we reached our destination.

I ran ahead of Brian, key in hand, to unlock our door. Our suite was absolutely amazing. Larry had flawless taste in hotels, and he'd always booked the most magnificent rooms for the guys. Taylor, on the other hand, had yet to learn the art of booking. I searched every room we had, which included a den, a kitchen, a bedroom, and a bathroom, and immediately began stripping the soaked fleece from my body. I turned the scolding water on in the jacuzzi tub, allowing it to fill nearly to the brim with hot water and bubbles before I slipped into its glory. Every muscle in my body instantly relaxed, all tension melting away. This was exactly what I needed. I rested my head on the specially designed waterproof pillow behind me as I watched the rain fall outside, listening to the sound of it colliding with the window. I didn't acknowledge Brian's presence until he spoke.

"We have just enough time to settle in and get ready before we're off again," he simply said. I only nodded as I looked over at him. He smiled as he asked, "Mind if I join you?"

Before I could reply, he began removing his dampened clothing. "Of course not," I answered. He placed himself on the opposite side of the tub, allowing me plenty of room to rest my feet in his lap for him to massage them. As he did so, the jets that surrounded us massaged our other muscles, washing away all traces of uncomfortability.

His eyes never let mine as he cut through the silence. "This is nice."

I nodded. "It is. It's kind of romantic, too." He winked at me as he continued to ease the aching pain in my feet. His hands were one of his most outstanding traits. The way his fingers moved was absolutely orgasmic and in more ways than one.

"Speaking of romantic, we could always exchange some of that body heat you were wanting earlier," he added very nonchalantly.

I replaced my feet in his lap with my body, my lips merely inches from his. "I could never get enough." As our lips met, sparks flew, and an energy between us began to flow. It felt as though we were, somehow, chemically connected in a way that couldn't possibly be put into words, but as his hands gripped my thighs, all thoughts of making love left my mind, replaced only by pain. I gasped and winced, my nails carving slits into the flesh of Brian's back.

He instantly released me, an expression of shock and fear crossing his gorgeous face. "I'm so sorry, Abby. I completely forgot. I -"

"I'm alright, Brian. It's just... They're still very painful," I said, gesturing to the black and purple bruises on my thighs.

Brian sighed as he forced me to sit in his lap, my back flush with his chest. He turned the jets off and reached for a sponge, soaking it in the soapy water as he began to scrub every impurity from my body. I rested my head on his chest, watching his every move. He gently kissed my shoulder, tracing the circular bruises that were evident beneath the foggy water. "These are only a figment of your imagination. They're a reminder of pain and suffering, intended only to dwindle you into a life of depression and regret, but I know you can fight this. You're a strong, independent woman, Abigail, and I know you can survive these wounds."

"Why do you say such things to me?" I simply questioned, remaining motionless.

He smiled against my skin where his lips still rested. "I'm a hopeless romantic, I guess."

Shaking my head, I added, "You're not hopeless, baby. You have me." I laid my head on his shoulder, his eyes meeting mine. I kissed his lips several times, feeling the sting of the contact between us.

"You're right. I do have you. Forever and always."

I smiled at him as I replied, "I like the sound of that."

We ended our bath on a very somber note, cleaning ourselves as quickly as possible to ensure plenty of time for us to prepare for the show. Brian, of course, was ready within minutes, but I had taken my time, though I kept my ensemble very low key on this occasion. I finished moments after being rushed by Brian, allowing him to drag me down the hall to the elevator where we met our friends. Everyone came adequately prepared, even though the show was in an arena, considering the London weather. We all boarded the tour bus nearly ten minutes later, barreling toward the venue right after.

Fans greeted us from the gates, asking for our autographs. The girls and I stood aside, allowing the guys to have their fifteen minutes of fame, but I was quickly noticed. Due to touring with Avenged Sevenfold, Chapter Four had dramatically gained popularity, and I was honored to sign a few autographs myself at the fans' requests. I made myself comfortable backstage, greeting the members of Good Charlotte and Papa Roach who had arrived quite some time ago. They'd already been through their sound check, so the guys were onstage preparing for the performance. Taylor and I quickly made ourselves at home on a spare amp, sipping the Fiji waters the bands had ordered, but my comfort was short lived. I nearly choked on my water as five very young ladies passed us wearing nothing more than thin, leather skirts and mesh tops, maneuvering through the equipment backstage.

"What are those?" I questioned disgustedly.

Taylor simply watched after them just as I was doing. "Those, my dear Abigail, are silicone."

We both laughed as Val approached, the same appalled expression adorning her face. "They're the Scream girls," she said. "More commonly known as a load of whores, but the guys all seem to think that having them grope themselves in the background makes the song more effective." She rolled her eyes.

"I've never seen them before, because they, certainly, weren't on tour with us," I added.

Val shrugged. "This is their first tour. The guys hired them a few months ago, but since the tour with your band was unexpected, they chose to give the girls a break."

Taylor scoffed. "I'll give 'em a break."

Leana waddled over to us, stroking her belly. "They're very well aware that these men are taken, honey, but if they try anything, I'll be sure to let you have them."

I continued drinking my water as Matt jogged over to us. "I hate to interrupt, but it seems that our recordings have been misplaced; therefore, we have no female vocals for Dear God, Scream, or A Little Piece of Heaven. Would you two mind?" he asked, looking to myself and Val. We exchanged glances with one another, choosing to follow Matt onstage.

"I'm assuming we'll be doing this for the remainder of the tour," I stated rather than asked. Matt only nodded. I was fine with this. Singing was my most obvious talent, so why not put it to good use in this situation, too? I sauntered over to Brian's mic, removing it from the stand as he stood by an amp, replacing the strap on his guitar.

Offering only a fleeting glance as he returned to his tedious work, he said, "I knew you'd agree to this. You're always looking for an opportunity to be as close to me as possible."

"Of course, I am, Brian," I replied sarcastically.

He chuckled as he joined me, that tantalizing, crooked grin of his remaining as he slipped his guitar strap around his shoulders. "It'll be nice having you onstage with us, babe."

As he kissed my lips a few times, I added, "I'm sure it won't be nearly as nice as those sluts grinding all over you with their fake tits bouncing in your face."

"Nah, I like yours better. They're real," he said as he gestured to my chest. I simply rolled my eyes in response. "We were all thinking with our dicks when we hired them. We're men, and a few of us had been without sex for a couple of weeks, possibly months. You do the math."

Shaking my head, I said, "Math seems more like their area of expertise. They specialize in measuring dicks and counting money, you know." He only laughed as we began our sound check.

---

I was utterly exhausted when the show ended. I hadn't done this in quite some time, and my lungs and muscles had yet to adapt to this sort of action. Our encore ended only moments ago, but Abby had left the stage after her vocals were finished. I walked backstage, placing my guitar in the rack with the others in hopes of seeing her, but she was nowhere to be found. I questioned nearly everyone of her whereabouts, but no one seemed to know where she could've possibly gone off to. Fortunately, Taylor and I crossed paths moments later.

"Have you seen Abby?" I questioned.

She smiled as she replied, "She's waiting for you at the hotel." I only smiled in response as I caught a cab, anxious to return to the hotel. I arrived nearly an hour before the others, wasting absolutely no time in getting up to my room. I had my key at ready before I even reached the door, instantly swiping the card through the slot. I slowed my actions as I entered the room, uncertain of what I would find. Our bedroom was silent and empty, but as I sauntered further into the room, I found the bathroom door open. I smiled as I lingered in the doorway, Abby smiling in return from her position in the jacuzzi tub.

She traced figures in the bubbles lying on the surface of the water with her hair tied behind her head. "I thought you'd appreciate a hot bath after being onstage all night."

"It's definitely hot," I said as I walked over to her, leaning over the edge of the tub as I kissed her lips.

She pulled away from me only a moment later, demanding, "Take your clothes off." I did as I was told and climbed into the tub with her, our lips meeting once more. She placed herself in my lap, resting her hands on my chest. My lips left hers, trailing down her neck as she lowered herself onto me. She gasped in utter pleasure, throwing her head back as her nails penetrated my flesh. I ignored the pain, knowing very well that what I was doing to her surpassed my uncomfortability. I gripped her hips, guiding her up and down as I increased the pace. Her eyes met mine as she began to rock her hips into my movements, sending vibrations of pleasure throughout my body. My breath hitched in my throat as she gently kissed my lips, moving to my jaw and my neck. I could feel myself begin to throb inside her, prepared to peak at any moment. A loud moan escaped from her mouth with my name attached as we both found a release. I roared her name in response, her entire body lying limp on top of mine. We both took a moment to catch our breaths. "Forever and always," she muttered, oxygen returning to her lungs. In a haze of pleasure, I questioned her words, not quite understanding them in my current state. "Forever and always," she managed to repeat with more composure as she brushed a few sweat-soaked strands of hair from my face. "I want our life to be like this forever and always."

"We've made our life what it is," I said as I rested my forehead against hers. "We've made it perfect, and as long as you're living and breathing, this will be our forever and always."