You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

We continued to sit in the small booth, chatting and getting to know each other, but I couldn't help but think that I already knew Natalie in such a peculiar way. I found something in common with both girls, but there was something about Natalie that I couldn't help but notice. She seemed so familiar and yet, I didn't feel that it was necessary to mention that. Not only did her appearance seem familiar to me but her actions are in comparison to someone that I feel I knew very briefly but was somewhat close to.

"Where is it you said you moved here from, Abby?" Ciara asked me suddenly. Please, please, please don't ask me anything else about my past or where I came from! I begged her inside. Where I was from was the only thing that Taylor and the guys knew about me and that was all I planned to tell Ciara and Natalie.

"Huntington Beach, California," I replied with a slight smile. Taylor and Natalie kept their eyes on me.

"Really? I have family that lives in Huntington Beach. I used to visit them all the time during the summer when I was a kid," Natalie spoke up. That was when I knew that this girl was the very person that I'd been thinking of. As much as I hated to remember her, Natalie Sullivan was Jimmy's cousin that he just-so-happened to be very close to. It wasn't that Natalie was a bad person - by no means was she - she just reminded me of the times that I'd spent with the guys because a majority of the time during the summer, she was always with us. At times, though, when the guys would go their separate ways and us girls would go ours, Natalie always went with us. Even though Jimmy was her cousin and they knew each other the best, she felt a stronger connection when she was with us.

The first time I met Natalie, she'd come to Huntington Beach when she was only eight, putting me at three years old. I didn't know much then, but I did know that Natalie would continue to come back every summer. Huntington Beach wasn't the sort of place that you could visit once and not want to come back again. Natalie and her parents usually stayed with Natalie's grandparents. They felt that the other half of their family were low-lives, which coincidently happened to be Jimmy's side of the family, and they didn't feel that Jimmy was a good influence on Natalie so they forbid her to be around him but do you think she listened to a word her parents said?

Eventually Natalie became old enough to fly on her own and her parents would stay behind in Las Vegas to do business. She, on the other hand, would be stepping into the real teenage life. Her parents were the type of people that expected her to over-achieve and uphold their reputation as the only "worthy Sullivan heir". Little did they know, she didn't want that. All she wanted was to be a normal kid: to grow up and get a job that she enjoyed. She didn't want to be the business woman that they wanted her to be. We showed her that all she could do was stand up to her parents and live her life to do what she wants.

The last time I saw Natalie was during the summer that the guys left after being signed to Hopeless Records. I was an emotional wreck, but I wasn't going to let Natalie see that. We'd become close over the past years, but she didn't see that side of me that the others had. When she arrived that summer, I told her that the guys had left and explained to entire story about them being signed. She stayed a few more days but left shortly after that.

So many thoughts were clouding my mind at that very moment, but only one was overtaking the others. I was dying to know how the guys were doing. I hated them so, but I didn't hate them enough to wish anything bad on them. I mean, when it came down to it, they were my life, my flesh-and-blood. With Natalie's closeness to Jimmy, I knew that she would have some sort of contact with the guys. I had to ask her soon or it would eat away at me.

"What do you guys say we go for a walk?" I asked in the middle of the conversation. All three of them just stared at me, but I was confident that they would go for it.

Taylor smiled. "Sure. We could use some fresh air," she said as she began to grab her bag and other things. The other girls silently agreed and filed out of the booth and the restaurant.

When we reached the sidewalk outside, it wasn't very crowded so it would be easy for the four of us to keep within a close distance, and that was exactly what I did NOT want. I wanted time alone with Natalie so that I could ask her in private about the guys. I walked ahead of everyone in hopes that Natalie would catch up with me, wondering more about my past. Luckily, she did.

"Abby, I hate to be so nosy, but can I ask you something?" she asked as soon as she fell in step beside me. I was definitely sure that this girl was THE Natalie Sullivan that I'd grown up with. Everything from her personality to her appearance - since she'd grown it was altered a bit - matched the girl that I was thinking of. How could this not be her? Since I was sure that it was her, I was determined to bring myself to answer any questions that she had for me.

"Sure. What is it?" I asked her, shoving my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, occasionally switching views between Natalie and my feet. I was majorly nervous.

"You remember what I said before about visiting my family in Huntington Beach, right?" she asked. I simply nodded. I was afraid to talk, and my heart was pounding ninety miles an hour. "My cousin, Jimmy Sullivan, lives and still lives in Huntington Beach. Maybe you knew him?" I took a deep breath, relieved that I wasn't an idiot for thinking that there was a possibility that she wasn't Jimmy's cousin.

"Good old Jimmy Sullivan, eh? Yeah, I knew him. I knew you, Natalie. My older brother was Matt," I said, locking my gaze with hers. Her mouth fell open and she stopped, grabbing my shoulder, but I kept walking so that the others wouldn't suspect anything. Seconds later she was back at my side.

"Abby Sanders, right?" she asked. I nodded and flashed a small smile. I felt very awkward. I hadn't come in contact with anyone from my past since I left Huntington. "Oh my God! They guys are going to be so excited when I tell them that I found you!" My heart stopped along with my feet and my breathing. I reacted a bit too quickly.

"NO!" I shouted, clamping my hand over her mouth. Taylor and Ciara stopped to stare at us. I felt like an idiot. I released Natalie who wasn't shocked in the least bit. That was odd but I was too disgusted with myself to care what she thought.

"Abby! Why did you do that?!" Taylor shouted at me. Ciara had her hand over her heart just staring at Natalie. Not a second later did she run over to her to ask her if she was alright like I was a rapist or something that was stalking her. I had to lie. I couldn't tell Taylor the truth even if she was my best friend.

"She was about to tell me who we were touring with, and I still wanted it to be a surprise," I mumbled just loud enough for Taylor to hear me. I felt like a two-year-old being punished by her mommy. I knew that what I'd just said wasn't true because Natalie had said so herself that she didn't know who we were touring with, but I would say anything to not have to tell Taylor about my grueling past.

"Abby, I never told either of them who we're touring with. They both said so themselves back in the restaurant when you asked them. Don't you remember?" she asked me as if I were insane. All I could do was make something up.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. I'm so sorry about that Natalie. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way if I did," I apologized. She smiled and adjusted her top.

"I'm fine, Abby. I completely understand why you did it, and I'm not hurt in any way, so we can all continue on our way," she said gesturing for Ciara to join Taylor again. She smiled at the both of us and did so, walking ahead of us this time. Maybe it would be better this way.

"Just a little further and we'll be at Starbucks. Taylor and I are going to get some. You guys want some too?" Ciara asked as she continued to walk while Natalie and I continued behind them. We glanced at each other for reassurance and quickly nodded. Starbucks was exactly what I needed at the moment. My nerves were about to get the best of me.

"Why do you not want me to tell the guys that I found you? Abby, they've been dying to know how you are, where you are, what you're doing! Besides, why didn't you tell them where you went?" she asked. I figured that she'd know everything but the guys had obviously not filled her in on what had happened in the past eight years. I kept wondering why...

"Natalie," she cut me off quickly.

"Call me Nat. I never let anyone call me Natalie except for my parents because they thought that 'Nat' sounded very unlady-like. You should've remembered that!" she said playfully as we followed Taylor and Ciara into Starbucks.

"Sorry, Nat. Anyway, I'll have to tell you some other time. You know, when we're alone," I whispered.

"Okay. What about tonight? We could have a party so Ciara and I could meet the guys too," she suggested. Taylor and Ciara had heard us that time, which was intended, and they immediately agreed.

"That sounds great. Where and what time?" Ciara asked Taylor more than me.

"Our house at nine o'clock sharp. I'll give you the directions after we have coffee," Taylor said to Ciara.

"Okay," she said as she walked up to the counter to order. "What do you guys want?" she asked us. After Ciara and Taylor fought over who was paying for our coffee and actually ordered our coffee, we separated into two different booths. Natalie and I talked a bit more about how the guys were doing but then I switched subjects. I didn't know how much more I could take of hearing about those guys. Even so, as it turned out, Val was still with my brother, as expected. Jimmy was still with Leana. When they left, they were still having problems that I hoped that they would work out and luckily, they did. Zacky wasn't with anyone, and Johnny had a new girlfriend known as Lacey Franklin. Lacey was a girl who we'd hung out with a few times as teenagers and had made a bond with her but when the guys left, she never came around again. Brian - the one that I was dying to hear the most about - had just broken up with Michelle. I was stunned when Natalie told me that.

Michelle hated me when we were teenagers because I was much younger than her, and I could win Brian over better than she could. She had an enormous crush on Brian, and he spent most of his time with me and the guys, leaving her no time to be alone with him so she could hook up with him. I never in my entire life suspected that Brian would date Michelle. He showed no interest in her when we were young, so why would he show interest in her now? I figured that it didn't matter all that much if they'd broken up though. Even so, I never hated Michelle. I had no reason to hate her.

An hour later after exchanging numbers and directions, we all went our separate ways. Once we were back in Taylor's Tahoe and on our way home, the questions began.

"You and Natalie seemed to connect a lot," she said. I nodded.

"Mhm. I met her a few times while she was visiting in Huntington Beach." That was all I was telling Taylor. I'd already revealed too much to her.

"You know that her cousin is The Rev from Avenged Sevenfold, don't you?" she asked. All I could bring myself to do was nod.

"Did you ever meet him while you were living in Huntington?" That was the very question that I was afraid of. I shook my head.

"No, I didn't," I replied. I sighed heavily. That was all that she was going to ask. For a moment, I feared that she suspected that I was hiding something from her. If only she knew that I was, that my brother was the M. Shadows, that I grew up with all of Avenged Sevenfold, she'd probably disown me, but she would never know. At least, not if I could do something about it.