Nothing Else Matters

If the short walk to the front of the bus felt like miles, then the even shorter walk to the back of the bus felt like an eternity walking to nowhere. I had to concentrate on my feet, forcing them to keep in motion.

James was leaning against a corner of the small area.

I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump that had taken up residence in my throat.

He coughed and shifted uncomfortably, hands shoved deep in to the front pockets of his jeans. I opened my mouth to begin speaking just as he did and there was an uncomfortable moment of awkward laughter. He motioned for me to go ahead and I took another breath, raking a hand through my hair, tugging at the temples.

“So, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry….you know…for being so cold.” I choked out.

His face betrayed nothing, I saw no reaction in the electric blue depths of his eyes. His chin lifted and his arms crossed once more over his chest. Briefly, I contemplated just leaving it at that but I knew I couldn’t.

For one, that would just be a dick move.

Second, Vero would probably put me through hell for chickening out. Physically, and mentally.

And James would probably assume I was taking this as a joke and then things really would be too fucked up to fix.

“Ignoring you. Avoiding you. Making an ass of myself…that’s really not me. And you don’t…deserve it.” I trailed off, looking down at my feet.

The silence was overwhelmingly suffocating.

Why didn’t he say something?

I heard the squeak of bedsprings and looked to see he had made himself comfortable on one of the bunks. He patted the spot next to him, indicating I should take a seat. I bit my lip and then slowly perched on the edge of the mattress, bracing my hands on either side of myself.

James nudged his foot against my backside and I glanced at him. He had scooched over so that there was more room for me to sit. I slid back a couple of inches, so that I was able to pull my knees up to my chest.

“You don’t need to apologize” he said, breaking the silence. “I wasn’t mad or anything. Hurt, maybe. But I understand your reasons. You didn’t strike me as the kind of girl that had a squeaky-clean past. We all have our demons.”

I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t expected that sort of response, given his coldness a few minutes ago. As if he could read my mind he laughed and shrugged.

“Besides that, I’m not one to push a subject, and this was one you seemed pretty set on.”

After a few more seconds of silence, I made a move to slide off the bed, but was held back by James fingers wrapped around my wrist.

I glanced down, cursing the shiver that had just raced down my spine, shooting straight to the pit of my stomach and betraying me with butterflies.

“stay awhile” James said.

My eyes raised to his at the exact moment his eyes met mine and I was momentarily stunned by the intensity of his gaze.

Deep in the depths there was the hint of a challenge.

A test, like he wanted to see what my next move would be to determine what his next move would be.

Part of me was saying yes, but a louder, more rational voice was urging me to just leave, and let things be.

I’d done what needed to be done, and anything more, the voice was saying, would lead to trouble.

With all the willpower I had, I pulled gently away from his hold.

“Next time.”