Nothing Else Matters

Hours later and a nearly half a bottle of vodka later and I was having the fun I’d fooled myself into believing I wanted.

I made my way to the center of the dance floor. Some type of heavy-metal mashup was pulsing through the room, with enough of a beat that it was danceable but not too mainstream that it sounded like the typical, bubble-gum pop so popular these days.

Cage dancers twirled above the crowd in their barred cells like seasoned contortionists for some erotic circus and pole dancers swung left and right in their leather and chain outfits. The pulsing lights seemed to spike up the adrenaline rushing through my veins and I desperately needed an outlet to release it.

Spotting Veronica among the dancers, I grabbed her and steered her towards the bar where I waved my hand towards nothing in particular. As if by magic, two shots of Jose Cuervo appeared before us. I stared at the palm of my hand in wonder, my eyes widening.

“I’m a fucking magician!” I yelled.

I grabbed a shot and forced it into Veronica’s hand and then took the other for myself.

“Time to go South of the Border!” I screamed and downed it, grasping around for a lime slice to suck on.

A bunch of guys sitting slumped on the barstools applauded and I took a bow, nearly toppling over as I did so.

One guy, semi-goodlooking with eyes so dark it was like looking into a starless night sky eyed me, his gaze traveling up and down the length of my body, taking in everything from my tight jeans to the off the shoulder black top I wore, down to my high-heeled feet, and back up. He lingered a moment too long on my crotch, my breasts and Veronica’s hand wrapped around my upper arm; she did not look happy.

“That’s it” she said, yanking me along.

I pulled back but couldn’t get away from her. “Let me go!” I whined.

She inclined her head and suddenly Lars was next to her, reaching for my other arm.

“You’re making yourself look ridiculous” she reprimanded me.

I wrenched away from both of them.

“You had enough to drink too!” I snapped back at her.

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t, actually. And I’m not letting you drink anymore either. One more and you’re liable to be drugged by that bastard back there.”

My mouth popped open. “Please” I scoffed. “I can handle myself.”

No sooner had the words left my lips than my vision began to swim and and a brutally nauseous feeling erupted in the pit of my stomach. Oh fuck!, I thought and then gagged.

Shutting my eyes against the suddenly blinding lights, I felt myself being steered away, out into the cool night. It felt like heaven on my skin and I moaned and wretched again. The sound of my vomit splashing on the pavement did nothing for me, only made me gag harder. I felt as if I were being turned inside out, my insides exposed for all to see.

"Don’t look at me…” I whispered, but nonetheless felt Veronica’s hand holding my hair back. Something cold touched my face and a chin lifted my face up.

"I need another napkin” I heard her murmur and the coldness returned. She was scrubbing the throw-up off my face, I realized.

“The bus?” someone asked, sounding distant and echoed.

I heard Veronica’s reply; she sounded distant as well.

"Yea. I don’t want to take her into the hotel like this. It’d be too loud and she needs all the quiet she can get”

I felt her lead me away, and I tried to walk, dragging myself because moving my feet was too much of an effort at the moment.

“Don’t worry” she said and so I relaxed and let myself fade into the black.

What seemed to be an eternity later, I felt myself being lifted up the steps and into blessed darkness. A quiet moaning reached my ears and beside me, Veronica stopped.

‘What the hell?” Lars muttered and heavy footsteps faded away. Not seconds later I heard an ecstatic, breathy female cry out, and a much deeper male voice yell out a string of curses. The footsteps returned and I forced open my eyes to see Vero and Lars talking in hushed tones.

From the back of the bus, James emerged, shirtless, zipping up his pants, hair rumpled and skin flushed. Our eyes met, chocolate brown colliding with electric blue.

I pulled my gaze away first, and let Veronica drag me to another bed where she yanked my clothes off and changed me into a looser, tattered t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants much too large for me.

“You ok?” she asked after she was done.

I took the bottle of water she handed me, feeling instantly sober as I’d ever been. Her question turned over in my mind.

Was I ok? What defined “ok”?

Physically, I wasn’t hurt, unless the headache attacking me with a vengeance counted. Mentally…well, the headache was enough to destroy me mentally as well. Emotionally…I was fine, not counting the sudden ache that seemed to rip out from my soul, straight towards my heart.

But you wanted it this way. the voice in my mind whispered.

I nodded, I had no choice but to agree. I’d made that clear to him and to myself. I’d promised myself. No commitment. Just fun.

I’d certainly found my fun tonight, somewhere at the bottom of all those bottles, even though I had left it to rot on the pavement where I’d thrown it all up. If I could have fun, any way and in any form, why shouldn’t he?

Because he’s fucking some skank and not you another voice shouted at me.

“Syd…?” Veronica asked, interrupting my thoughts, probing for an answer.

I jumped, startled by the sound of her voice.

“Oh. Sure. I’m fine." I said, realizing instantly how detached I sounded, how robotic and fake it was.

I turned away, silently ending the conversation.

Veronica lingered for what seemed to be forever and then left, tacking up a curtain as she did. I heard the hushed whisperings of multiple voices and then mercifully, silence.