Locked Out Of Heaven

Its only been a day. Its only been one fucking day! How could I let this happen? How could I let him see me like this? How could I let my sadness slip through the cracks?!
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Angels aren’t supposed to have relationships with mortals. Did I not learn that lesson from my father?!
He’s not a mortal anymore, but still. Vic was once human, its only a matter of time before he starts to love me.
I can’t let that happen, not with him.
Not knowing who he is and what he’s done before.
If that happens again, I’ll be the one to blame. I won’t be any better than my father.
Even still, as these things are coursing through my brain, I let him hold me. I sob and wipe my eyes and as he holds me in his arms, I can already feel the love radiating from him. Why can’t I be human? Why do I have to have these stupid angel powers that bring nothing but misfortune?
I’m weak right now, vulnerable. That’s when they’re drawn to us the most. They go head first into disaster and they can’t even see it.
They’re too blind by our aura to even know what they’re doing.
Why did I have to call Tracy a whore? I should’ve known he was going to fire back with a remark about mom. He does it all the time and I fall right into his trap.
Mom has one thing he’ll never have, though. She has a fucking heart.
Vic’s heart was beating clear through his chest, I felt it.
I didn’t want him to feel this way, I didn’t want anyone to.
Humans are too susceptible to emotion, they let it overcome them until its unbearable and they can’t take it anymore, it leaves them either wanting to rip their hair out or craving more.
Judging from Vic’s loving touch and his gentle murmuring, he’s feeling the latter.
He wants me, and its only a matter of time before it becomes disastrous. He doesn’t understand why, but he knows he’s feeling something for me. This is all too familiar, I’ve seen this sight too many times.
And, although I didn’t want to admit it, I was starting to feel something for him.
No, Kellin. He’s human. You can’t do this. You can’t become like your father.
Yes, Kellin. You need love. Stop holding back, you’ve been here for 20 years. Its time to find someone.
I don’t want to hurt Vic, but I’m tired of hurting myself.
Maybe…. maybe this’ll work out. Maybe it’ll work out for the both of us.
As I cried in his arms, I looked up at him and said something that I knew I shouldn’t have, but I just had to. I wanted to feel okay, I was tired of being lonely. I wanted love.
“Vic….. please don’t leave me.”