Alex is Straight

Alex didn’t know what to do, so he went back home. He locked his door and ran his hands through his hair, tugging it slightly and finally, finally allowing himself to cry. He backed into a wall and curled into himself. Who was he? He wasn’t Alex Gaskarth… they weren’t the same person anymore. He had changed, ruined the only thing that kept him sane for his friends, fans and himself.
He wondered if Jack knew. Surely, his best friend must care. He needed to; what would Alex do if he didn’t? What if he hated him… He stopped crying. He was too sad to cry. He was too weak to pity himself. He just wanted to die, such a simple little gift. Yes, that’s what he needed. A long, cold sleep without any more worries. He actually smiled. He pulled at his hair again, not bothering to wipe his tears.
Standing up, he shook all over. He felt bruised and weak, his life was over. Making his way to the stairs, he wondered if All Time Low would ever get a new singer. He moved slowly to the stairs, sliding his feet inches at a time, one hand on the wall and the other clutching at his side. He had no idea why he hurt like this, he hadn’t done anything to bruise it but it seemed to fit his situation. It made death harder to reach but seemingly closer. It made him want it more. The emotional pain he was in seemed to be affecting his physical feelings and strength.
He crawled up the stairs, one by one. When he finally made it to the top he thought about Jack again. He wanted to see him again before he died, but he knew, or at least hoped, that Jack would stop him. He didn’t stand again. He crawled down the hallway and into his bedroom. He was grateful for the carpeted floors, he wouldn’t even make it to the bed. Glancing at the bedside table, he saw a bottle of Miller64. He reached for it and drained it, collapsing next to his bed.
He was too tired to sleep. He blinked sad, weary eyes. Every noise seemed amplified in this state. He couldn’t believe it had come to this, just a little while ago he was joking around with his crew, now… he focused on the noises he heard. Wind on the side of the house, slight creaking floorboards, he even heard what sounded like muffled sobbing coming from outside. He wondered who it was, if they were worse or better off than him, if they even knew or cared that Alex Gaskarth was going to kill himself.
Alex thought about this for a while, he made up a story for this mystery person, everything coming out okay in the end. He smiled, soon it would be for him. He would be dead, gone from to the earth to who knows where. He didn’t realize he had been crying until he thought of Jack. He would never see him again… he wanted his best friend to know he loved him.
“Jack, I love you. I’m so, so sorry. I love you and I can’t not tell you” His voice cracked. “- I need you, I can’t bear not being near you. I’d rather die!” He was starting to sob again, screaming his words in vain. Jack would never hear him. “I- I… I’m sorry Jack…” He sat up blindly. He hadn’t even realized he had closed his eyes, but he didn’t care. He wondered what would be the easiest way to kill himself.
He thought of that girl who had broken in years ago. After that, he had needed a gun just to be safe. He had never used it, but he knew where it was; after all, it was only about a foot away from him. He pulled the heavy quilt off his bed and wrapped it around himself, it fell from his shoulders as he reached in the drawer containing the gun. He pulled the fabric around him once more, and leant against the wall. He wouldn’t want to make a mess, that’d be too much trouble.
Taking a deep breath, he lifted the gun, it was loaded… always loaded. He swallowed.
“ALEX!! ALEX! PLEASE NO! STOP PLEASE-” Jack was running in, sobbing. He tackled the older boy and pinned him down. He slapped him. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!! Zack told me you were feeling sick too… I was going to stay with you since I’m sick but I couldn’t find you! I was worried, I thought I had done something wrong and that’s why you were avoiding me but then you quit and I was looking everywhere for you and I when I came here I thought you hated me and I was so sad I was crying outside for like five minutes and I was so scared and I thought you were sleeping so I just came up and- I- You-” He stopped rambling and broke down on top of Alex, pushing the gun away and sobbing load and shamelessly into Alexs chest. He was quaking and Alex wrapped his arms around the raven haired boy.
Jack mumbled into Alexs shirt.
“What…?”
“I said – I said… WHY? Why, Alex, why would you leave me? I – I can’t believe - you- you just-” Jack peered up at Alex shyly. “I love you too, Lex.”