And Now I'm Sleeping Alone

I sat on the couch, anxious for the third night this week. Alex wasn’t home yet, and it was almost four. There was some lame t.v. movie playing in the background, which Zack and I had been watching for the past couple of hours. As the credits rolled, he stood up and smiled at me faintly.

“He’ll be around, Jack. He always comes back.” Zack mumbled. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I rolled onto my side, facing the television, as my mind went wild creating worst case scenarios. What if he got drunk and passed out somewhere? What if he had an anxiety attack? What if he’d been taken advantage of? As the torrents of what-ifs filled my mind, my own personal least favorite came up. What if he and Brittany had been at it all night?

Brittany is probably my least favorite person in the world. Alex’s girlfriend, and while undeniably quite pretty, I had a certain resentment towards all of his girlfriends. They have Alex whenever they want him. They have complete access to his lips, his hands - my thoughts were interrupted by a key turning in the door. I bolted upright and rushed to the front of the bus.

Brittany opened the door. “Hey, Jacky!” she shouted, clearly trying to whisper. She punctuated her every sentence with a hiccup. Under normal circumstances, absolutely no one is allowed to call me Jacky, except Alex. Obviously. Just then, I noticed that Alex was standing, barely upright in his girlfriend’s arms.

“Shit, Brittany, what did you do?” I grabbed Alex and laid him on the couch. “Fuck, Lex, what did you do now?” I whispered, almost to myself.

“Some guy? At the bar? Bet him twenty bucks he couldn’t down ten shots - vodka, too, and that’s hella foul. He already had two beers and he passed out around six, I think.”

“Damnit, the fuck did you let him do that?” Alex thinks he’s a heavy drinker, but he can hardly ever handle liquor. “Could you just take a cab home now, Brit?”

Hiccup. Giggle. Sniff. “Yeah, sure thing, Jacky.” She walked towards the door, but turned around before she opened it. “Lexi misses you.” She left, and I peeked out the window, making sure she hailed a cab and got in safely. I closed the blinds and looked back at Alex, sleeping soundly on the couch. His hair fell softly over his forehead, his beanie sliding off his head. His face lost the age that touring and parties had robbed him from as he slept.

I pulled a blanket over him, and against my better judgement, crawled in under the afghan with him. I brushed his hair off his face, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He stirred, and I tried to shift away from him, trying to quiet him.

“Brit, I’m sorry. You should see someone,” he paused to groan, presumably at his headache, “else, ‘cause we don’t.” Alex closed his eyes and rolled onto his back. I shook his arm, but he was quite surely asleep. Resting safely, I thought it might be okay to leave him alone. Kissing him once more on top of his head, I whispered quietly to him. “I love you, Lex,”