Status: this fic is completed! i'm writing the epilogue right now. "we still live in the same town, well don't we?" ♥
And Now I'm Sleeping Alone
Twelve
Do you remember when I said Alex wasn’t very good at acting? Well, I lied. He’s quite good when he knows he has to, which is how he laughed casually when Zack confronted him. “Raped Jack? Rape him? Hell, did he have too much to drink that night? Did you have too much to drink last night?” And that satisfied Zack, because he went back to his weights and I kept scrolling through twitter.
Sometimes, you just have to forgive someone because it’s too difficult to not. Alex and I just acted how we had before, close friends, now with the added bonus of alcohol-addled semi-consensual hookups in confined spaces. And for that, I was happy. I had everything I had wanted since I’d hit puberty, and not a single person had judged me or made fun of me the way highschool kids had, save for those two nights with Alex.
I was finally starting to understand what fans meant when they said our lyrics meant a lot to them. I may not have cried in my bunk to Therapy or Lullabies, but I listened to Forget About It more times a day than maybe was healthy. “You know, there are some days when I really feel like this could work; like, you and I are finally going to get it right. And then there are days like today, when you make me want to tear my fucking hair out”
Alex, beautiful Alex, one of the only kids who had stuck by me through the hell that was highschool. It was almost worse than being pushed into a locker, because as cliche as it sounded, I trusted him. But I carried on, because I had convinced myself that he loved me as much as I loved him. A strange, different kind of love, but love nonetheless. I grew accustomed to the occasional bout of name calling, and just gave up crying in my bunk, hoping that someone would find me. I knew they never would, and even if they did, I would lie.
Lying isn’t quite as bad as some people make it out to be. If it’s to protect the one that you love, I think that it’s okay, and maybe even a good thing. All I had to do was ignore the little pang in my chest whenever I said that I was ‘fine’. God, I sounded like a whiny teenage girl.
Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. That’s all that matters to me, because without him I would be lost. And this I repeated to myself every night. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his.
Sometimes, you just have to forgive someone because it’s too difficult to not. Alex and I just acted how we had before, close friends, now with the added bonus of alcohol-addled semi-consensual hookups in confined spaces. And for that, I was happy. I had everything I had wanted since I’d hit puberty, and not a single person had judged me or made fun of me the way highschool kids had, save for those two nights with Alex.
I was finally starting to understand what fans meant when they said our lyrics meant a lot to them. I may not have cried in my bunk to Therapy or Lullabies, but I listened to Forget About It more times a day than maybe was healthy. “You know, there are some days when I really feel like this could work; like, you and I are finally going to get it right. And then there are days like today, when you make me want to tear my fucking hair out”
Alex, beautiful Alex, one of the only kids who had stuck by me through the hell that was highschool. It was almost worse than being pushed into a locker, because as cliche as it sounded, I trusted him. But I carried on, because I had convinced myself that he loved me as much as I loved him. A strange, different kind of love, but love nonetheless. I grew accustomed to the occasional bout of name calling, and just gave up crying in my bunk, hoping that someone would find me. I knew they never would, and even if they did, I would lie.
Lying isn’t quite as bad as some people make it out to be. If it’s to protect the one that you love, I think that it’s okay, and maybe even a good thing. All I had to do was ignore the little pang in my chest whenever I said that I was ‘fine’. God, I sounded like a whiny teenage girl.
Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. That’s all that matters to me, because without him I would be lost. And this I repeated to myself every night. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his. Alex loves me, I love Alex. Alex is my best friend, I am his.
♠ ♠ ♠
alright then, the last chapter of this fic is going to be posted on friday. never fret, though, a few weeks after that, i'll post an epilogue. the epilogue should be quite long, and i'll link it here. let me know what you think anonymously or in the comments. sorry this chapter was so short, friday's will be longer. kisses to everyone.