And Now I'm Sleeping Alone

Alex didn’t talk to me all day. After he’d stormed out of the room, Zack had come back into the kitchen to put away his dishes. I was sitting on the floor still, in a puddle of the drink Alex had thrown. Zack cleaned me up and made me tell him what happened. Not surprisingly, I was met with a well deserved “I told you so.”

At breakfast the next morning, Alex looked at me for the first time in a day. He still wouldn’t talk to me, though. Clinging to Rian, he left the room as soon as I sat down. Zack brought in a mug of coffee and a second for me, and sat across the table.

“You should talk to him, Jack. I know he doesn’t want to hear it, but I think that you’re right. He doesn’t really love Brittany.” Zack noticed my expression. “That doesn’t mean he loves you, Jack. He’s not going out with her until tomorrow, ‘cause we’re playing tonight. You can talk to him, you know you should.”

I nodded and took the last few sips of my coffee. Thanks, man.” I got up from the table and walked to the door of Alex and Rian’s bedroom. Before I could knock, Rian bumped into me coming out of the room. “You don’t want to be in there right now. Alex’s trying to.. figure some shit out.” Rian warned.

I shook my head. “It’s mostly my fault, though, isn’t it? I’m the one that got him messed up thinking about Brittany, I was the one that asked him why he always drinks.” A stressful past twenty-four hours finally bubbled to the surface as I broke down, choking up as tears streamed down my face. “I’m the one who was trying to figure out if he really likes Brittany and why he drinks because I care so fucking much.” Tears where everywhere and I coughed, semi-incoherent. “And I just love him, and it’s too much to deal with right now.”

Rian did a double take. “You.. love him? Like you love everyone in the band, or like I love Cassadee?” I ignored the fact that he was practically talking to me as if I were a child. He wasn’t taking this as well as Zack had.

“I love him, Ri. A lot.” I sniffled and rubbed my eyes, looking cautiously up at Rian for approval.

Rian exhaled sharply through his nose. “So you’re gay. Didn’t see that coming.” I smiled sheepishly, a few stray tears still working their way down my cheeks. “So when did you know you liked guys? And Alex?” Rian had never really been one for tact.

“Junior year, for both.” I looked at the ground uncomfortably, wishing that this moment could just be over. It was almost as horrifically awkward as coming out to my parents just after senior year.
“Well you have to tell him,” Rian said bluntly, arms crossed over his chest.

“What does it matter? I’ll tell him and he won’t talk to me. Hell, I talked to him about Brittany the one time and now he hates me. Well, not exactly maybe hates me.” I could hear that I was talking in short, too-fast bursts.

“Go talk to him, yeah Jack?” Rian opened the door to his and Alex’s room and put a hand on my back, between my shoulder blades, guiding me inside. Before he closed the door, I could swear he whispered good luck.

“Alex?” I murmured, walking towards the Alex sized lump on the bed. and shaking his shoulder gently. “Lex, I know I was an ass yesterday. Can we please just not fight tonight, and I promise I won’t say anything about Brittany. I’m sorry.” Alex refused to move, and I got up to leave.

“It’s okay,” Alex whispered as I left the room.