A World of Fragile Things
Neva
Neva could not recall how long she had lain in the meadow. She had lost interest in the beauty of the trees around her and was solely focused on the fact that her mind remained like a field of untrodden snow. Fearfully, she repeated her name over and over in her head, apprehensive that she would lose that, too.
Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva.
I am Neva.
But that couldn’t be all. There had to be something else that gave her some sort of identity. She sat up, ignoring the stars that blitzed in front of her vision. Where was she? Who was she? Where did she come from? What did she look like? Did she have family? Did she have a husband? She got to her feet as questions zinged through her mind. What was her last name? What was her middle name? Where did she live? Did she have any friends? Neva’s breathing quickened as she rose to her feet. She threated her fingers through her hair, grasping at her roots. Hastily, she brought a few locks in front of her face. It was thick, dirty, a brown so dark it was almost black. That was something. She tried to bring something back, anything back but there was nothing. There was nothing. Neva’s heart thudded intensely. She willed herself to calm down. To take deep breaths.
But instead she took in great shuddering gasps. She doubled over, bending over her knees, and began to sob raucously. Her vision went blotchy, but she couldn’t seem to get her breathing under control. She took short breaths that only felt like a tease to her lungs. Calm down. Now. You must take deep breaths. If you don’t, you will hyperventilate and pass out. You don’t want to start this process all over again. Neva sucked in a deep breath and held it. She closed her eyes and counted to ten before releasing it. Over and over she held breaths and released them again, until her heart returned to a healthy speed. She stayed like that for a few minutes before stretching and pulling her tear stained hands from her face. Where did that intensity come from? She wondered. Neva pushed it out of her mind. She was bound to have certain thinking techniques that wasn’t familiar to her blank slate of a mind.
Where am I? She focused on that thought. Lightly, her hands patted her body, brushing off the dirt and dust. The wind brushed against her bare legs. Clothes. That could determine where she was from, right? Her gaze dropped and for a moment she didn’t understand. She fingered the blood red stains on her gown. It was a hospital gown. When had she been admitted to a hospital? Was this her blood down her front? She peeked inside the gown. Underwear, but no bra. She wiggled her toes. She was wearing thin slippers. Neva assumed they were also hospital issued slippers. Her head bowed softly as Neva thanked the lords. These slippers would definitely be a life saver if she had to walk far. Neva eased herself into a sitting position and pulled the slippers off. They were ragged and torn on the bottom, as if she had already walked many miles. No matter how worn they were, she would not leave them behind.
As the girl hefted herself to her feet, a sharp glinting was tossed in her eye. After two short steps forward, she could make out what was shining at her. It was a blade. It was a medium sized knife, particularly flat, even the handle. Neva picked it up with a thumb and forefinger, a queasy feeling settling in her stomach. The handle of the knife was coated in blood. Delicately, she placed it back on the ground and felt her body for wounds. The only injuries she felt were a series of sore spots along her neck. Neva didn’t want to think that the blood on her gown wasn’t hers, so she forced the thought out of her head. Neva picked up the knife one more time, not wanting to leave it. She bounced on the balls of her feet nervously. What next? Did Neva dare seek refuge in an area completely unknown to her, or would she stay put until somebody found her? Rocking on her heels, Neva chewed on her lip indecisively. As much as she tried to focus, Neva could not help but let her mind zero in on the sound of babbling water from afar. Suddenly, she felt extremely parched. She swallowed several times in succession, hoping to dispel the feeling, but eventually, her thirst dislodged her from her spot.
Neva took a few steps forward, unsure of what sort of action she should be taking. The knife was clenched tightly in her fist. Slowly she circled the clearing, over and over, still feeling torn about venturing away. She didn’t want to not be able to find her way back. Near the top of the glade, she discovered a small path that led into the forest. A frown pulled across Neva’s face. This path would inevitably lead her somewhere useful, hopefully to a more populated area, but how well received would she be if she showed up in bloody hospital rags. Looking down at the knife in her hand, she was sure she would be run out of town before she could say “hello”. She needed a way to hide this bloody piece of incrimination. Leaving it in the clearing would be ideal, but she had no idea who she was, and no way of protecting herself. Slipping it in the waistband of her underwear wouldn’t work, as she would more than like jab her leg just trying to walk. Neva toyed absently with the bottom of her gown as she considered the possibilities of how to hide her weapon. The bottom rolled easily between her thumb and forefinger. Abruptly, she slid her gown over her head, kicked off her sandals and sat down in the grass. Neva used the knife to cut a strip from the bottom of her gown. She laid the knife in the middle of the fabric and wrapped it thrice around the handle. She tied it in a knot before bringing the end pieces of the fabric up beneath her armpits and tying it loosely behind her neck. The knife hung precariously against her back, and Neva wasn’t quite sure if it would stab her if she move too quickly. It’ll have to do. As long as I’m careful, I should be fine. She thought wearily. With her body in its nude state, and the sound of running water so close, Neva felt the logical thing to do was to drink something. She gathered up the stale green gown and slippers before heading towards the babble hesitantly, testing how the harness for her knife would react to movement. The knife bounced gently against her back, but thankfully did not cut her. The lush grass felt soft beneath her feet. The trees whispered around her, the wind tickled her skin. For a moment, Neva stopped. She let her eyes drift closed. For a moment, she tried to forget everything that had happen when she woke up. It could have been easy. It would have been easy if she had other memories to fall back on. But besides everything she had experienced between her time of waking and her partial walk to the water source, there was nothing. No memories. She couldn’t even remember where she was from.
Stop thinking about it. She ordered herself. It’ll get dark soon, and you know what sorts of things linger in the forest. Neva came back to reality and picked her way carefully across the clearing. Playing it by ear, she found her way to a wide river that had been concealed by a swath of trees. Neva pushed through the undergrowth. The river was wide, shining a pale blue beneath the sun. Neva dropped her slippers and hung the gown over a tree branch before wiggling out of her underwear, stepping out as she brought her hands up to the back of her neck.. As soon as she started untying the knot resting against the back of her neck, she regretted putting it there in the first place. She should have figured out a holding method after she had taken a soak in the river. After she had finally undone the knot, Neva laid the knife gently on the ground. She waded into the river, shivering as soon as her toes met the water. After taking a few deep breaths and a little gathered courage, Neva dove awkwardly into the water. Shock exploded in her mind, but she forced herself to stay submerged. The icy chill felt almost natural against her skin. When her chest felt tight and bubbles exploded out of her mouth, she broke the surface of the water. Neva took tight breaths, not coming up above her shoulders. The cold water now felt comfortable. There was no eagerness to leave. To waste time, Neva began scrubbing herself with her nails. While it wouldn’t have the same cleaning power as soap and a wash cloth, it was better than nothing. When her whole body was bright red, she set to work on her hair. The charcoal locks were a whirlwind of knots. She tried not to rush, but sometimes the sturdiness of her tangles made her just want to tear them out. Seconds worked into minutes and her fingers worked through her hair. Eventually, her hair was as good as it was going to get and Neva made her way to the shore. The pebbles dug painfully into her feet, but she ignored it as she tugged the hospital gown out of the tree. The blood stains screamed at her. She wiped the water from her body and wrung out her hair before sitting down on the rocky shore and dipping the light green gown into the water. She scrubbed at the blood stains with her fingers, but they were set pretty hard in their ways. Neva sighed and tried cleaned the rest of the gown the best she could. She pulled the gown out of the water and held it out in front of her face. The only thing she managed to do was brown the stains a little bit. Well, the only thing to be done was to accept defeat. Neva wrung the gown out and hung it again over the tree branch. She glanced through the trees to the grassy clearing. Feeling adventurous, Neva snatched the knife out of the dirt and made her way back to the pasture. Lying down, she relished the warmth of the air around her. With the sun planting kisses on her nude skin and the wind cuddling against her arms, Neva allowed her eyes to drift closed.
She wondered if falling asleep would result in another memory wipe. She wondered if she would forget her name this time.
Oh, well.
Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva. Neva.
I am Neva.
But that couldn’t be all. There had to be something else that gave her some sort of identity. She sat up, ignoring the stars that blitzed in front of her vision. Where was she? Who was she? Where did she come from? What did she look like? Did she have family? Did she have a husband? She got to her feet as questions zinged through her mind. What was her last name? What was her middle name? Where did she live? Did she have any friends? Neva’s breathing quickened as she rose to her feet. She threated her fingers through her hair, grasping at her roots. Hastily, she brought a few locks in front of her face. It was thick, dirty, a brown so dark it was almost black. That was something. She tried to bring something back, anything back but there was nothing. There was nothing. Neva’s heart thudded intensely. She willed herself to calm down. To take deep breaths.
But instead she took in great shuddering gasps. She doubled over, bending over her knees, and began to sob raucously. Her vision went blotchy, but she couldn’t seem to get her breathing under control. She took short breaths that only felt like a tease to her lungs. Calm down. Now. You must take deep breaths. If you don’t, you will hyperventilate and pass out. You don’t want to start this process all over again. Neva sucked in a deep breath and held it. She closed her eyes and counted to ten before releasing it. Over and over she held breaths and released them again, until her heart returned to a healthy speed. She stayed like that for a few minutes before stretching and pulling her tear stained hands from her face. Where did that intensity come from? She wondered. Neva pushed it out of her mind. She was bound to have certain thinking techniques that wasn’t familiar to her blank slate of a mind.
Where am I? She focused on that thought. Lightly, her hands patted her body, brushing off the dirt and dust. The wind brushed against her bare legs. Clothes. That could determine where she was from, right? Her gaze dropped and for a moment she didn’t understand. She fingered the blood red stains on her gown. It was a hospital gown. When had she been admitted to a hospital? Was this her blood down her front? She peeked inside the gown. Underwear, but no bra. She wiggled her toes. She was wearing thin slippers. Neva assumed they were also hospital issued slippers. Her head bowed softly as Neva thanked the lords. These slippers would definitely be a life saver if she had to walk far. Neva eased herself into a sitting position and pulled the slippers off. They were ragged and torn on the bottom, as if she had already walked many miles. No matter how worn they were, she would not leave them behind.
As the girl hefted herself to her feet, a sharp glinting was tossed in her eye. After two short steps forward, she could make out what was shining at her. It was a blade. It was a medium sized knife, particularly flat, even the handle. Neva picked it up with a thumb and forefinger, a queasy feeling settling in her stomach. The handle of the knife was coated in blood. Delicately, she placed it back on the ground and felt her body for wounds. The only injuries she felt were a series of sore spots along her neck. Neva didn’t want to think that the blood on her gown wasn’t hers, so she forced the thought out of her head. Neva picked up the knife one more time, not wanting to leave it. She bounced on the balls of her feet nervously. What next? Did Neva dare seek refuge in an area completely unknown to her, or would she stay put until somebody found her? Rocking on her heels, Neva chewed on her lip indecisively. As much as she tried to focus, Neva could not help but let her mind zero in on the sound of babbling water from afar. Suddenly, she felt extremely parched. She swallowed several times in succession, hoping to dispel the feeling, but eventually, her thirst dislodged her from her spot.
Neva took a few steps forward, unsure of what sort of action she should be taking. The knife was clenched tightly in her fist. Slowly she circled the clearing, over and over, still feeling torn about venturing away. She didn’t want to not be able to find her way back. Near the top of the glade, she discovered a small path that led into the forest. A frown pulled across Neva’s face. This path would inevitably lead her somewhere useful, hopefully to a more populated area, but how well received would she be if she showed up in bloody hospital rags. Looking down at the knife in her hand, she was sure she would be run out of town before she could say “hello”. She needed a way to hide this bloody piece of incrimination. Leaving it in the clearing would be ideal, but she had no idea who she was, and no way of protecting herself. Slipping it in the waistband of her underwear wouldn’t work, as she would more than like jab her leg just trying to walk. Neva toyed absently with the bottom of her gown as she considered the possibilities of how to hide her weapon. The bottom rolled easily between her thumb and forefinger. Abruptly, she slid her gown over her head, kicked off her sandals and sat down in the grass. Neva used the knife to cut a strip from the bottom of her gown. She laid the knife in the middle of the fabric and wrapped it thrice around the handle. She tied it in a knot before bringing the end pieces of the fabric up beneath her armpits and tying it loosely behind her neck. The knife hung precariously against her back, and Neva wasn’t quite sure if it would stab her if she move too quickly. It’ll have to do. As long as I’m careful, I should be fine. She thought wearily. With her body in its nude state, and the sound of running water so close, Neva felt the logical thing to do was to drink something. She gathered up the stale green gown and slippers before heading towards the babble hesitantly, testing how the harness for her knife would react to movement. The knife bounced gently against her back, but thankfully did not cut her. The lush grass felt soft beneath her feet. The trees whispered around her, the wind tickled her skin. For a moment, Neva stopped. She let her eyes drift closed. For a moment, she tried to forget everything that had happen when she woke up. It could have been easy. It would have been easy if she had other memories to fall back on. But besides everything she had experienced between her time of waking and her partial walk to the water source, there was nothing. No memories. She couldn’t even remember where she was from.
Stop thinking about it. She ordered herself. It’ll get dark soon, and you know what sorts of things linger in the forest. Neva came back to reality and picked her way carefully across the clearing. Playing it by ear, she found her way to a wide river that had been concealed by a swath of trees. Neva pushed through the undergrowth. The river was wide, shining a pale blue beneath the sun. Neva dropped her slippers and hung the gown over a tree branch before wiggling out of her underwear, stepping out as she brought her hands up to the back of her neck.. As soon as she started untying the knot resting against the back of her neck, she regretted putting it there in the first place. She should have figured out a holding method after she had taken a soak in the river. After she had finally undone the knot, Neva laid the knife gently on the ground. She waded into the river, shivering as soon as her toes met the water. After taking a few deep breaths and a little gathered courage, Neva dove awkwardly into the water. Shock exploded in her mind, but she forced herself to stay submerged. The icy chill felt almost natural against her skin. When her chest felt tight and bubbles exploded out of her mouth, she broke the surface of the water. Neva took tight breaths, not coming up above her shoulders. The cold water now felt comfortable. There was no eagerness to leave. To waste time, Neva began scrubbing herself with her nails. While it wouldn’t have the same cleaning power as soap and a wash cloth, it was better than nothing. When her whole body was bright red, she set to work on her hair. The charcoal locks were a whirlwind of knots. She tried not to rush, but sometimes the sturdiness of her tangles made her just want to tear them out. Seconds worked into minutes and her fingers worked through her hair. Eventually, her hair was as good as it was going to get and Neva made her way to the shore. The pebbles dug painfully into her feet, but she ignored it as she tugged the hospital gown out of the tree. The blood stains screamed at her. She wiped the water from her body and wrung out her hair before sitting down on the rocky shore and dipping the light green gown into the water. She scrubbed at the blood stains with her fingers, but they were set pretty hard in their ways. Neva sighed and tried cleaned the rest of the gown the best she could. She pulled the gown out of the water and held it out in front of her face. The only thing she managed to do was brown the stains a little bit. Well, the only thing to be done was to accept defeat. Neva wrung the gown out and hung it again over the tree branch. She glanced through the trees to the grassy clearing. Feeling adventurous, Neva snatched the knife out of the dirt and made her way back to the pasture. Lying down, she relished the warmth of the air around her. With the sun planting kisses on her nude skin and the wind cuddling against her arms, Neva allowed her eyes to drift closed.
She wondered if falling asleep would result in another memory wipe. She wondered if she would forget her name this time.
Oh, well.