Sleeping With the Hilltop

After leaving Vic and Mikey’s house at like, 9 pm, I went back to mine. It wasn’t that far. I got my phone out of my school bag and had three new texts. I hope at least one was from Kellin, I had slipped a piece of paper with my San Diego mobile number on it into his locker before I left school. I just left a simple ‘text please?’ note on it because it was totally up to him if he did or not. I wanted to know why he seemed embarrassed and almost ashamed today. True enough, all three messages where from Kellin,
From Kellin: umm, hey, it’s Kellin. You left a note in my locker today?
And another one an hour later,
From Kellin: hello? Was that note even made for me?
The last one was only 20 minutes or so ago,
From Kellin: okay, I guess not then. Please reply?
I replied as quickly as I could,
From Matt: hey man, yeah that note was meant for you. What was up today? You didn’t seem yourself.
He must had kept his phone close because moments later I got his reply,
From Kellin: umm, who is this? Is it Gabe?
From Matt: Nah man, it’s not Gabe, I'm just someone from school.
I wasn’t sure that if I told him who it was he would keep talking to me. But I was kind of surprised that he hadn’t already guessed it was me.
From Kellin: Well who is it? Because if I don’t know you there’s no way I'm going to tell you what’s wrong.
He had a point. But he also admitted, whether or not he meant to, that something was wrong.
From Matt: It’s Matt.
There was a pause before he replied with a simple,
From Kellin: oh, okay. What do you want to know?
From Matt: Well, what was wrong today? You almost seemed nervous in maths and you wouldn’t talk to me for the whole lesson.
He replied almost immediately,
From Kellin: Well, sorry to have to tell you this but I actually don’t talk, so no surprise I didn’t speak to you, I don’t talk to anyone. Today was just not the best day for me.
Wait, was he mad at me? What could I have done to make him ignore me for a whole day and then be rude as soon as he knew that I was texting him? He did talk to me today, it was just a ‘hey’ but it counts. I just stood there and stared blankly at my phone until it locked itself. I was on the corner of my street, in view of my house. I don’t know how long I stood there after the screen had turned off but it lit up again telling me that I had a new message,
From Kellin: Why do you hang out with me anyway? You have Vic and Jaime and all of the popular guys, you don’t even need me. And the only time you do ‘talk’ to me is in math and English because I'm the only one you know there.
From Matt: Kellin, I hang out with you because I genuinely want to, not just because we are both new or anything, I think you are a cool person. I'm sorry I only hang out with you in maths and English but it’s a big school and I can’t find you any other times, I still don’t know where everything is. Now seriously, what’s the matter?
It took him a while to reply but I understood why when I read the text,
From Kellin: well, to be completely honest Matt, we’ve only known each other for two days but you are one of my closest friends and my only real friend here apart from Gabe. I really hope that I am one of your close friends too. And I'm sorry I ignored you today, it wasn’t your fault. I guess I was jealous of Vic and Jaime because you guys seem so close already.
I had to re-read his last text a couple of times to understand everything, I am practically his closest mate here, after two days and about four lessons together, which was chill considering apart from the guys in Pierce the Veil, Kellin was my only friend, too.
From Matt: Kellin, I'm glad that I'm one of your closest mates, you are one of mine too. Would it be cool if we caught up tomorrow? (:
From Kellin: It’s cool that I'm one of your close friends as well, c: yeah, tomorrow should be good. Do you want to come over here? It’s still a bit messy from unpacking but it’s okayish. I don’t know any places in town and I don’t think you would either?
From Matt: cool, I’ll come over as soon as I wake up, that will be roughly 12-12:30, (:
By this time I was back at my place, Lee and Jack had left me a nice note saying that they were asked, last minute, around to a friend’s house for dinner and to text them when I had gotten home. Also, there was some pasta in the fridge.
From Matt: hey Lee, I'm home now, I went to my mates house to watch his band practise.
From Lee: okay, we will be back soon. I hope you had a good time. xo
I grabbed the bowl and thought about what I might do with Kellin tomorrow. I was re-reading our texts and seriously analysing each one as I ate my cold pasta:
‘if I don’t know you there’s no way I'm going to tell you what’s wrong.’ So something is wrong. Would he trust me enough to tell me? Then I could try to help him fix it. Or it might take soe weight off his shoulders if someone else knew too.
‘Why do you hang out with me anyway?’ ‘you don’t even need me.’ He thinks that he isn’t good enough for me, a hint that he likes me. Or that he has low self-esteem which is probably the real reason why he doesn’t talk, or one cause for it. Maybe I could ask him tomorrow.
‘I really hope that I am one of your close friends too.’ ‘I guess I was jealous of Vic and Jaime because you guys seem so close already.’ Another hint that he likes me and wants to be as close as, or closer, to me than Vic and Jaime are already. Kellin was hinting that he liked me more than as mates. I mean, he was growing on me, but not to that point yet. And I'm not sure if it will ever get to be that much. He is a nice guy and one of my mates but I'm not sure if I like him that way and I'm not even sure if he likes me that way but it sure seems like it. How do I tell him that without hurting him? Today showed how fragile he can be. What should I say to him tomorrow? I needed someone’s help with this, someone who knew me better than I did. Someone named Dan.