Stomach Tied in Knots.

I haven’t stopped looking for Kellin all night, it’s 4:45am. I told the others to go back, but they refused, they’re still looking. But I need a break. I need a sit-down, to think, where would he go? What will he do? How much is he hurting?
Is he safe?

I decided to go to the cliff, where me and Kellin were a few days ago. Looking up at the stars; it’s a beautiful night. If only Kellin were here.
I pulled the last few pieces of grass out of the way and stepped out, then looked up.
“Kellin...”
He didn’t react. He was standing at the edge, looking up at the stars, he looked ready to jump off the edge.
“Kellin, don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t jump.”
Kellin scoffed.
“I wasn’t going to jump."
He spat out ‘jump’ and turned around. Confusion filled me until I looked down. He had a blade pressed to his wrist, much too hard for his own good. Panic filled my body.
“Kellin please don’t.”
Kellin pressed the blade harder and I could see a small amount of blood trickle down on to his hand.
“Tell me, Vic. Why not? Why the fuck not? I was happy! But oh, no. Kellin’s not allowed to be happy, is he? I’ve pretty much lost everything I had and cared about, my mum’s in hospital I’ve lost you and all the guys. I’ve been cheated on and lied to, laughed at. Can I just say, you and the guys are marvellous actors. I was stupid for thinking that anyone would care about a stupid, fucked up twat like me. You shouldn’t even be here, you should be with Whitney and the guys. I’m just a fucking burden, and I refuse to be any longer. I won’t fail this time.”
He was so wrong, he won’t believe me in a state like this though. So I’ll have to calm him down a bit. Arh fuck. How am I going to do this...?
“You can’t leave me Kellin.”
“WHY NOT?!”
“Because...”
I stepped forward a bit and Kellin stepped back, stumbling slightly and almost falling.
“Because I need to tell you something.”
“And what’s that? That you were using me to get Whitney? That you really don’t care about me? Are you going to tell me to die?”
“No.”
I stepped forward again and Kellin stepped back... His foot slipped.
“KELLIN!”
I reached forward and grabbed his hand.
“LET GO OF ME VIC, JUST LET ME FALL! YOU MADE ME DROP THE FUCKING BLADE! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! I WANT TO DIE JUST LEAVE ME.”
He was sobbing while I pulled him up, he was struggling against my hold, but I wouldn’t let go until I hauled him all the way up. I fell back and pulled him into my arms. He struggled for a bit but I was stronger and he gave up. Collapsed and sobbing into my chest. I felt so evil.
“Kellin, I can explain everything. I know you probably won’t believe me, but I’m going to tell you nothing but the truth.”
I went on to explain about how Whitney had threatened to hurt us both so I had to kiss her to protect him. I explained about how we were held back but we tried to run after, about how I’d got all the guys looking, and when I told them to go back they refused. About how we were not pretending, we genuinely cared about him. I explained how we couldn’t find him and how we’d all tried ringing him so many times.
“And Kellin?”
“What?”
“I love you.”
He looked up at me with swollen eyes and messy hair. His cheeks were red from crying, stained with dry tears. His mouth opened slightly, as if to say something, but he couldn’t get it out.
“I mean it Kellin, honestly. I don’t know what I would have done if you had... gone... tonight. I’m so glad I found you in time. I’m sorry. I’m a monster.”
“No Vic, I’m sorry... For everything. I came up here because I already started missing you. I was down by the canal and saw the stars. They reminded me of you, so I came up here and stared at them, thinking of you. They looked beautiful. And... I love you too.”
I leant down and kissed him softly on the lips.
Tonight has been probably the worst night of my entire life. But also at the same time it has been the best one. I had to kiss a slut, watch my boyfriend run away, have to look for him, find him, he’s on the verge of committing suicide, he yells at me, he falls, I save him, he cries on me, and... He tells me he loves me.
I sigh, and remember that the guys are probably still looking for him. I look down at Kellin who is sound asleep on top of me. I pick him up bridal style and carry him back to school. I put him in bed and tuck him in, kissing his forehead lightly.
I grab my phone and ring Mike.
-hello? Did you find him? Is he okay? Vic?
-Yeah I found him, he’s in bed now, I’ll explain tomorrow. He’s ok now. You can go to bed. Could you ring the rest and tell them please?
-Yeah okay, glad he’s okay. Are you though?
-I guess. Seeya.
I hung up on him and climbed into bed next to Kellin, pulling him closer by the waist and holding him in my arms. He breathed out and snuggled up towards me, his head resting in to crook of my neck.
“I love you Kells.” I whispered and closed my eyes to fall into the sleepy wonderland.