Shapes in the Clouds

Hedley flopped down onto his bed, groaning as the springs creaked below his tired body. He had only been at school a couple hours, but it had been incredibly emotionally draining. He had thought he had gotten away, escaped from everything. But now his past was following him. It was haunting him like a bad dream. Maybe that was all this was, a horribly twisted dream. He would wake up and go to school and everything would be normal. He knew that wasn’t going to happen though. This was all too realistic to be a dream. This was all too tortuous to be anything but reality. This is what fate had in store for him and he would just have to deal with it.

But he didn’t want to. He wanted to leave and never see her again. He just couldn’t face her. It had been about half a year since he had last seen her, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it any more. He wasn’t looking forward to the year ahead of him. He didn’t think he could emotionally handle it.

“Hedley?” he heard his father’s voice call out as the front door was closed. “What are you doing home? You do not have a half day today,” he announced, stressing the word ‘not.’ Mr. Merriman walked into his son’s room, and after seeing him his anger and irritation melted away. He sat down beside him at the edge of the bed and gently rubbed his shoulder. “What’s wrong Lee?”

“She’s here,” he grumbled into his pillow. He could tell his father wanted to ask ‘who?’ so he rolled over to face him. “Kaelyn transferred to Groveline.”

“That’s great though, isn’t it? You two can go back to being friends!” his father exclaimed. “or maybe a little more,” he added with a wink, nudging Hedley in the side.

“Dad!” he yelped, tossing back onto his stomach. “It’s not… I can’t… she… You wouldn’t understand,” he finally grunted. “I need to think.”

His father nodded his head in empathetically and walked out, closing the door behind him. He never did find out what had happened that day between Hedley and Kaelyn, but it had had a tremendous effect on him. Before that day Hedley would have put up the strongest fight against moving and been ecstatic when Kaelyn appeared back in his life. Now… well he had been more than willing to help with their relocation, had even been bummed it was not further away, and was upset with her arrival. He wasn’t sure what to do to help his son. He rubbed at his forehead in frustration as he thought about this.

Inside his room, Hedley stared at the wall, boring holes into it with his eyes. He felt constricted. Inside his mind, inside his body, even inside his room. He needed to get out, he needed to figure out what to do. He rolled out of bed, landing softly on his toes and walking out. He hugged his dad with a quick word about going out before grabbing his keys.

He walked down the street to the closest park and laid in the grass, staring up at the sky. It was bright blue with few clouds in the sky. Those that were there were light and wispy. This made him even angrier. He pounded his fist into the ground, scaring a couple kids nearby, their mother’s corralling them away from the ‘troublemaker.’ He let his eyes shut as he remember the day it happened. The day it all changed.

They had been lying on their backs in her backyard, splayed out on the biggest blanket she owned. Their hands were linked as they stared up at the clouds passing overhead. Occasionally one of them would point out a random shape, the other trying to see the same thing. They did this almost every week, but it never got old for them. It was tradition.

Kaelyn squeezed his hand tightly as she looked over at him. “Promise we’ll always be best friends,” she whispered. “Promise you’ll always love me, Lee, and you’ll always be there for me.” She raised up her other hand, her pinky the only finger extended. At fifteen, almost sixteen years old they still put all their faith into a pinky promise. It was something that couldn’t be broken.

He released her hand, leaning up on his elbow. He gently brushed her windblown hair out of her face and smiled down at her. His pinky looped around her much smaller digit. “Only if you do,” he said quietly. She nodded her head in response. Her lips moved, and though no sound came from them he knew exactly what words were being fashioned in her mouth; I promise. “I could never stop loving you, Kiz.”

He leaned ever closer. Their noses touched, as did their foreheads, She smiled softly, her eyes fluttering closed. They had always been close. He was used to holding her, running his fingers through her hair, and even sleeping beside her in bed. There was only one thing he longed to do, and now was his chance. He tilted his head slightly, pressing his lips gently against hers.

His eyes flickered close as he enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his, her warm flesh under his chilled fingers as he ran them down her arm, then gripping onto her waist. Her lips didn’t move with his though. He stopped kissing her when he noticed it wasn’t being reciprocated, pulling back a few inches to look at her. He stared into her eyes, trying to see a flicker of recognized emotion, but he came up empty.

“I should go,” he whispered, backing off more. She continued to stare back at him with empty eyes and he ran off, refusing to look back.

Oh, how he had wanted to, hoping she would be following to tell him that she loved him. She loved him as he loved her. He had just taken her by surprise was all. Then she would hold him close and kiss him. He knew he couldn’t look back because he knew that wouldn’t happen. He knew that he was stupid for trying. He knew he shouldn’t have listened to his father’s crummy advice. What did he know about love anyway? His mom had left them years ago.

When he reached the apartment he slammed the door shut behind him and stormed down the hallway toward his room. He slammed that door as well and flung his body onto his bed. How could he be so stupid! There was a light rap at the door before it opened a crack.

“Hedley?” his father’s gruff voice sounded from behind it. “May I enter your lair, son?” he asked, trying to be funny and failing as miserably as he always did. That was something he loved about his dad though. His sense of humor, or lack thereof. Usually it would make him laugh, but this time it failed to seem humorous at all.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, his face buried in a pillow. He felt the mattress dip under his father’s weight and his large hand resting on his shoulder.

“Weren‘t you supposed to be hanging out with Kaelyn all day?” he pointed out mockingly. Hedley grumbled out a disdainful ‘yes’ as he rolled over to face his father. “Then what, may I ask, are you doing home so soon?”

“Please, Dad,” he begged. “Not now. What are you doing home now anyway? Shouldn’t you be at work?” He had mastered the art of subject-change with his father and it came in handy more frequently than he would like to admit.

“Forgot some papers for the Pembleton case and came on my lunch break to pick them up,” he explained, glancing at his watch. “Speaking of work, I have to get back. I’ve got some stuff to talk about with you when I return, so don’t make any plans for tonight. I’ll only cancel them for you.” He ruffled his son’s hair with a childish grin and Hedley could tell he had thought it a joke.

He watched his dad’s retreating back and flopped back onto his stomach, groaning into his pillow. He had no idea what he would do to fix things with Kaelyn. He had promised to always be her best friend and he wouldn’t break that promise. He just wouldn’t. He didn’t know if things could go back to normal after what he had done though. There was one thing he did know; he had royally screwed everything up.

Later that evening when his dad returned from work they sat down at the kitchen table and chewed lazily on some cheap pizza. Not the delicious kind with just the right amount of sauce, just the right amount of cheese and the best toppings ever. No, this was that cheap pizza that tastes like flavored cardboard, but you eat it anyway because you’re just that hungry.

“Lee, I’ve got some news,” his father had started apprehensively after they had finished off nearly the entire pizza. Hedley nodded to show that he was listening, half a slice of pizza hanging from his mouth. “I got a promotion.”

“That’s great, Dad,” Hedley said around the half-masticated chunk of food, trying to force enthusiasm into his voice.

“I’ll be relocated to another office.”

“That’s cool,” he mumbled again.

“We’re moving, son,” his father added nervously.

“To where?”

Mr. Merriman dropped his slice onto the plate in front of him, staring curiously at the teenage boy across from him. The way he was acting was beyond strange.

“Are you alright, Hedley?” He nodded noncommittally. “Well, then where is my son? I tell you we’re moving and expect a ‘why?’ or a ‘no way!’ or even a ‘there’s no way in hell!’ from you and all I get is you asking me where we’re going?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed in defeat, knowing his son well enough to know that this would lead nowhere. Hedley was being almost completely unresponsive and was not going to give up anything. He would just have to deal with his apathetic nature and wait for his real emotions to shine through.

“West Jondell. It’s closer to the new office, but still close enough that you can continue on at North Hanley. It’s in a better neighborhood too. I’m thinking we could even get a house, instead of just an apartment, if you’d like.” His father continued to ramble on, but he stopped paying attention. The possibilities with a move were endless. He was actually excited for this.

“What high school is over there. It’s Groveline, right?” His father just nodded in response. “I think I’d like to transfer there. I have a friend over there and it would be a shorter distance. It’s a better school anyway,” he rationalized, trying to talk his father into it. There was no way he could handle North Hanley any longer.

“Sure, if that’s what you would like. What about Kaelyn though? You two are best friends!” his father wondered.

“I can see her whenever I want,” he inwardly cringed at the taste that lie left in his mouth. He wanted to see her now, need to even, but after what happened he was sure he was the last person she ever wanted to see again. “But this will make it easier on both of us, especially you, Dad. We’ll make it work. It’s a change for the better, right?”

His dad nodded, even though he knew that Hedley was leaving something out. He wouldn’t push him though. It was hard enough as a single father trying to do the right thing. He would just have to wait until Hedley came around. They both knew that and they both knew that he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet.

“So when are we moving?” Hedley asked, finishing his last slice of pizza.

“As soon as we find a place. Do you want to finish out the year at North Hanley or would you like to transfer at the end of the semester?”

“The quicker, the better,” he stated flatly. He got up, taking their plates to the sink. He walked back over, gave his father a quick hug and threw a “good night,” over his shoulder as he stalked off into his room. He only had a couple more months to go and he was out of there. And he couldn’t be happier.