Status: Updated often!
Letters to Those Whom I Love
To the one I once loved
Dear Clayton,
I had a story going for you. All the letters were yours but then someone found it. And I deleted it. This letter to you will be long probably because it is me saying goodbye.
My last story to you had many readers and many subscribers. I assume they cared about the journey that you and I went through together. The letters to you before were what I lived for. I couldn't wait to write them.
On my last one, before I deleted it, I told you of me moving on. I got a new guy and he didn't want to keep us a secret. I told you maybe he could help me move on. The truth is, I did move on. A part of me will always love you, you being my first love and all but I know we don't stand a chance. I am falling for this guy. I might have already fallen honestly. I have. I love him.
You told me I fall too fast. That may be true but all I want is to be wanted. This guy makes me feel wanted. He makes my face heat up and my smiles feel like they will split my face. He makes me feel like...you did. He brings that rush back and I missed it. I am replacing you for someone who is not afraid.
So you text me about twenty minutes ago and you said "Hii". I admit I cried. I cried like I always will when I think about you and what we don't have. It was good while it lasted. It was amazing, but it is no longer. I no longer feel the need to talk to you, to see your name pop up on my screen, to feel your arms wrap around me and you whisper in my ear like that day in the closet.
Do you even remember that? Brenda asked you how many girls you text anyway and you said eighteen. She got pissed! She walked to the other room and that didn't stop you from following. You went in there, sat on the guest room bed and patted the spot beside you. Brenda walked to the closet and you went in there too. You wrapped your arms around her from behind and whispered you weren't letting go until she believed you and stopped being mad. You rubbed her boobs, moved Ger hair and kissed her neck. You stopped for a second to say "Are you still mad?" She just leaned against and you turned her around and started looking her is her eyes. Not long after Matt knocked on the door.
He ruined my last night with you. His jealousy ripped a perfect weekend away from us. His letter will definitely be next. I still haven't gotten over that. But I will eventually. I just want you to remember a few of these times. I know you will forget it eventually and hopefully I will too. I need these memories to fade.
This is Saturday, if you were still here and I was still living at Brittanys house I would probably be there with you right now, or waiting for you to get off of work and then us be together. Either way it would be you.
You don't understand and I don't think you ever will. But I know that I cannot keep you in my life. You swore, you promised, you repeated that you would never leave but I want you to leave Clayton, you see with you still in my life I can not get that piece of my heart back. Who knows, you may have if forever but I hope not.
I am here on this couch, crying, begging God to take me away. You are big on me not mentioning anything like that with you but this is the point I am at in my life. I want to go back to before but I still know I have so much to look forward to with my new boyfriend. The guy I fell hard and fast for.
I have so many pictures in my phone that you have sent me. At least 50 of my 208 are you. I think now is the night I will delete them. Maybe I will do one a day. Anything I can to get them out I am just afraid I going to have to do it the slow way. I can deal with it though.
Do you know the simple things about me that I know about you? Your favorite color is powder blue. You love rap music but listen to country also.You cannot stand for someone to be mad at you and you hate liars. You drink a lot of smart water but your favorite drink is Arizona green tea. You don't own a microwave and your favorite place to eat out is subway. I know that you are 6'7 and weigh a lot but that is because of how tall you are. You LOVE to play Xbox and you don't send naked pictures to anyone ever.
I also know some more personal things about you that I will not share.
You hurt me more than you will ever realize and I think if I told you how I really felt you would feel bad but I am not going to tell you not now and not ever. I will never tell you how denying us made me want to cut and run as far from you as I could. I will not ever tell you how when you fell asleep on my shoulder that night I didn't eminent you staying there all night. I will never mention that when you didn't run when I told you about them...I felt like we were meant to be. Ill never in my life admit that when you walked in that door on October 19th 2012, you made my heart skip a beat. You will never hear from my mouth how your hugs make me feel like nothing bad could ever happen. Never ever will I tell you that those nights we stayed up late talking on the phone until your soft snores came from the other side made my nightmares go away. I will not tell you how I felt when your lips suck on my neck or your arms wrap around me when we are going to sleep. I don't think I will tell you that when you sat in your car singing along to whatever was on your iPod I felt happy. I will never tell you Clayton, that you showed me what love is. I will not speak to you of the times in the guest room or the nights I cried and you calmed me down. I will not tell you how my heart dropped when I thought you were blowing me off that time but you ended up just falling asleep and still coming to see me even when I told you we would be there for only twenty more minutes. I will not scream at you about when you didn't tell me immediately when you knew my son died. I will not cry to you and whine about the time you took me with you to CVS so you can get something to drink and tried to make me understand why you couldn't stay the night...because "your boy" Matt wanted a chance with me.
Never will I tell you Clayton! Ever.
I love you my beautiful dinosaur,
Alex Anna.
I had a story going for you. All the letters were yours but then someone found it. And I deleted it. This letter to you will be long probably because it is me saying goodbye.
My last story to you had many readers and many subscribers. I assume they cared about the journey that you and I went through together. The letters to you before were what I lived for. I couldn't wait to write them.
On my last one, before I deleted it, I told you of me moving on. I got a new guy and he didn't want to keep us a secret. I told you maybe he could help me move on. The truth is, I did move on. A part of me will always love you, you being my first love and all but I know we don't stand a chance. I am falling for this guy. I might have already fallen honestly. I have. I love him.
You told me I fall too fast. That may be true but all I want is to be wanted. This guy makes me feel wanted. He makes my face heat up and my smiles feel like they will split my face. He makes me feel like...you did. He brings that rush back and I missed it. I am replacing you for someone who is not afraid.
So you text me about twenty minutes ago and you said "Hii". I admit I cried. I cried like I always will when I think about you and what we don't have. It was good while it lasted. It was amazing, but it is no longer. I no longer feel the need to talk to you, to see your name pop up on my screen, to feel your arms wrap around me and you whisper in my ear like that day in the closet.
Do you even remember that? Brenda asked you how many girls you text anyway and you said eighteen. She got pissed! She walked to the other room and that didn't stop you from following. You went in there, sat on the guest room bed and patted the spot beside you. Brenda walked to the closet and you went in there too. You wrapped your arms around her from behind and whispered you weren't letting go until she believed you and stopped being mad. You rubbed her boobs, moved Ger hair and kissed her neck. You stopped for a second to say "Are you still mad?" She just leaned against and you turned her around and started looking her is her eyes. Not long after Matt knocked on the door.
He ruined my last night with you. His jealousy ripped a perfect weekend away from us. His letter will definitely be next. I still haven't gotten over that. But I will eventually. I just want you to remember a few of these times. I know you will forget it eventually and hopefully I will too. I need these memories to fade.
This is Saturday, if you were still here and I was still living at Brittanys house I would probably be there with you right now, or waiting for you to get off of work and then us be together. Either way it would be you.
You don't understand and I don't think you ever will. But I know that I cannot keep you in my life. You swore, you promised, you repeated that you would never leave but I want you to leave Clayton, you see with you still in my life I can not get that piece of my heart back. Who knows, you may have if forever but I hope not.
I am here on this couch, crying, begging God to take me away. You are big on me not mentioning anything like that with you but this is the point I am at in my life. I want to go back to before but I still know I have so much to look forward to with my new boyfriend. The guy I fell hard and fast for.
I have so many pictures in my phone that you have sent me. At least 50 of my 208 are you. I think now is the night I will delete them. Maybe I will do one a day. Anything I can to get them out I am just afraid I going to have to do it the slow way. I can deal with it though.
Do you know the simple things about me that I know about you? Your favorite color is powder blue. You love rap music but listen to country also.You cannot stand for someone to be mad at you and you hate liars. You drink a lot of smart water but your favorite drink is Arizona green tea. You don't own a microwave and your favorite place to eat out is subway. I know that you are 6'7 and weigh a lot but that is because of how tall you are. You LOVE to play Xbox and you don't send naked pictures to anyone ever.
I also know some more personal things about you that I will not share.
You hurt me more than you will ever realize and I think if I told you how I really felt you would feel bad but I am not going to tell you not now and not ever. I will never tell you how denying us made me want to cut and run as far from you as I could. I will not ever tell you how when you fell asleep on my shoulder that night I didn't eminent you staying there all night. I will never mention that when you didn't run when I told you about them...I felt like we were meant to be. Ill never in my life admit that when you walked in that door on October 19th 2012, you made my heart skip a beat. You will never hear from my mouth how your hugs make me feel like nothing bad could ever happen. Never ever will I tell you that those nights we stayed up late talking on the phone until your soft snores came from the other side made my nightmares go away. I will not tell you how I felt when your lips suck on my neck or your arms wrap around me when we are going to sleep. I don't think I will tell you that when you sat in your car singing along to whatever was on your iPod I felt happy. I will never tell you Clayton, that you showed me what love is. I will not speak to you of the times in the guest room or the nights I cried and you calmed me down. I will not tell you how my heart dropped when I thought you were blowing me off that time but you ended up just falling asleep and still coming to see me even when I told you we would be there for only twenty more minutes. I will not scream at you about when you didn't tell me immediately when you knew my son died. I will not cry to you and whine about the time you took me with you to CVS so you can get something to drink and tried to make me understand why you couldn't stay the night...because "your boy" Matt wanted a chance with me.
Never will I tell you Clayton! Ever.
I love you my beautiful dinosaur,
Alex Anna.
♠ ♠ ♠
Brenda is mentioned in here and she is something like a personality.