Mad World

Going back to school made me a little uneasy. Mom suggested I stay home, but I told her if I was going to get back to normal, I had to go back to my normal schedule. Meaning going back to school.

I met Frank in the library as I would have traditionally every morning since he'd arrived to St. Frances. We talked about normal things. and he didn't try to treat me so much as a victim. He held my hand, laughed at my horrible jokes, and praised my art skills.

And then suddenly...

"So, what Kaleb said was true." Stacy's voice interrupted our conversation. She was hugging her stomach, her eyes on my hand in Frank's. "You're a fag now."

"Whoa there, Virgin Mary, no time for accusations. What exactly did Kaleb tell you?" Frank retorted. I kept quiet.

"Told me you two were sucking each other's cocks after I dumped Gerard." Her eyes finally landed on my face, her expression changed and her tone gave off a sarcastic lilt. "Oh, what's the matter, babe? It was bound to come out sooner or later. I'd just like to let you know that no one here will back you up if you get pig blood dumped on you at prom for being a sinner. I say you get everything you deserve."

Stacy turned on her heels and trotted off. I stared after her, the rage and blackness inside me growing stronger. If I could just squeeze the life out of that heartless whore...

"Gerard, you're hurting me." Frank's voice brought me back from my thoughts. I hadn't realized until then that I'd been clutching onto Frank's hand with a death-grip. I let go and stuffed my hands between my knees. "She doesn't know...what he did to you."

I stood as soon as the PA came on and Principal Barlow's voice boomed over the speakers.

"Students and staff, we will have an emergency meeting in the gymnasium. This meeting is mandatory. Further explanations will be announced during the meeting. Please start making your way to the big gym please and thank you."

"Let's go." Frank said, caressing my shoulder blades. "Come one, Gerard."

I inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I'm right behind you.

**********************************************************************
As the entire school filed into the big gym, I began to get nervous. I was worried about what this "emergency" meeting had been about. Maybe someone had told the school about Frank and I and we were being penalized. Or maybe it was about Stacy getting pregnant and this emergency meeting was about "abstinence". What ever it was, it was giving me a very bad feeling. Maybe it was just my newly developed anxiety disorder.

Principal Barlow put a microphone up to his lips and spoke. "We've gathered you all here this morning to discuss some matters that have been brought to the school board's attention. First off, and I'm going to get right to the point, there's been too much sexual activity going on. I'm not gonna say any names, but there have been countless reports of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies."

I tuned him out for this part. I couldn't get pregnant, nor did I have sex on my mind at all anymore. Not since my inner-homosexual died along with my soul. That night...everything died. I gripped Frank's hand and relief surged through me when he squeezed back. He didn't care who was watching. I admired that. Principal Barlow went on and on about pregnancy scares and abortions and we pretty much all knew who he was referring to without mentioning names. I looked around the gym, idly looking for faces I recognized. Standing by the south entrance of the gym to my left was Mrs. Carlisle. She looked back at me and smiled. I automatically smiled back, not having to fake it. Something about Mrs. Carlisle brought out some inner-happiness I could never fake or ignore. Damn, how could she do that? Maybe it was some psychic bond artists had.

"And now, I want to move onto our next topic that has sent a formal student to a juvenile correctional facility. Rape and molestation."

I knew something bad was going to come out of this.

"I want to show you guys a video that I hope never happens to any of you. It's an advertisement, but it is pretty graphic. Please watch, and I hope that you are never a victim or a suspect or a witness of such a crime."

The lights dimmed and a video started on a projector from where I couldn't see. There were a bunch of teenagers getting wasted at a frat party. Some guys were taking a girl upstairs. She was so drunk, I don't even think she's comprehending what's about to happen. Her eyes are almost closed to the point where it looks like the guys were carrying a sleeping girl upstairs.

"Gerard, don't watch." Frank whispered. I looked away, focusing my eyes on Mrs. Carlisle again. She was watching the video with distaste.

Once I heard the girl scream and the guys cuss and said lewd words to her, I lost it. I shot to my feet and ran to the south entrance/exit. Mrs. Carlisle stopped me.

"Gerard, go sit down." she demanded seriously. She had never talked to me this way before. She never demanded things from me. My head began to ache and my heartbeat raced at an immense pace.

"I need to get out of here." I said, my hands beginning to tremble. Uh-oh. I was going to have another anxiety attack. "Mrs. Carlisle, please move, I need to get out of here, I can't watch this."

"What's wrong?" she asked, holding my shoulders and looking deep into my eyes. And then her expression changed and her mouth made the shape of on "O".

Tears welled in my eyes and I tried to push passed her. She stopped me and made me look her in the eyes again. "Please, let me leave." I begged. My entire body went cold and then flared to a boil. I wiped away the sweat the formed on my skin and the tears running down my face.

"Is there a problem?" Principal Barlow asked angrily. I whipped around to face him, ready to tell him off, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I projectile vomited all over him. I could hear girls squealing and guys laughing. I coughed and gagged as I puked everything out of my system. Principal Barlow's hands shoved me passed Mrs. Carlisle and out the exit. She followed. "How dare you interrupt the importance of this assembly! Have you no shame?!"

"How dare I? HOW DARE YOU!" I shouted back. Kids came pouring out of the gym to crowd around us. "The only reason you put on this emergency assembly was because the police department had to inform you of Kaleb going to a correctional facility for raping me!!"

Everyone got quiet. Principal Barlow looked me up and down with distaste. I went on.

"You embarrassed me! You embarrassed Stacy! You have no shame! You stupid, ungrateful, ignorant son of a rotten bitch!"

"Gerard," Mrs. Carlisle spoke up softly. I shifted my gaze to her, seeing her eyes glaze over with tears. "It'll be okay." She came up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Everything's going to be okay, buddy."

I let my body sag in her arms. She held me up and cried on my shoulder. Frank hugged me from behind. He was crying too. Everyone stared at us. Students and staff. Taking pictures, whispering, mocking us, and some were even crying with us.

Later that day I told my mom what happened. She decided to remove me from Saint Frances Chastain and hire someone to home-school me. Frank agreed that it'd help me with my recovery along with daily at-home therapy sessions. I didn't like feeling so important, but I wanted help. I'd give anything to be normal again, just to have a healthy relationship with everyone I love again.

Is it safe to say that I'm not okay?