Mad World

Dr. Percy hadn't done much, but, whatever she said, pissed off this animal inside me and I attacked her. I had her pinned and my hands were around her neck. She choked and coughed and clawed at me. I put pressure on her neck and burst into tears.

"Gerard?" Frank's voice called from the living room and the front door closed. He walked in the den and saw me. "Gerard! Stop! Let her go!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill her!" I screamed, but let go of her. Frank lifted me away from her and dragged me to the corner. He smacked me.

"What the fuck has gotten into you?!" Frank screamed at me. Then, he wheeled on Dr. Percy, who was getting to her feet. "What the fuck did you do to him?!"

"I simply asked if his rape had him develop some longing for Kaleb. It's common for rape victims to---" She was being so calm about it and Frank had to cut her off.

"Hell no, he doesn't! Why would any one fall in love with their rapist?"

"They're sick. And, as much as forced sex can traumatize, it can also trick the mind into creating a bond with the rapist."

"Just get out." I said, my voice raspy. Frank and Dr. Percy stopped arguing and looked at me. "Both of you."

"I'll tell your mother that I gave you a half day since you weren't feeling good. I won't tell her you attacked me." Dr. Percy said as she packed her notepad in her briefcase.

"I don't care what you tell her. Just get out." I was feeling sick and dark emotions began to fill me. I looked in Frank's eyes as he just stared. "Go."

"No." he replied simply, turning his back to Dr. Percy.

"Frank,"

"I'm not leaving you. I'm here for a reason."

"I don't want you to stay."

"What?" he asked, his voice growing thick as if he were about to cry. "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying I don't need you." My voice raised an octave.

What WAS I saying? SHUT UP! Why was I saying this?!

"Gerard, I don't care if you need me or not. I'm staying." His voice was so calm.

I stood, went to the hallway closet, opened a shoe box, and pulled out a gun...

"Gerard, what---" Frank froze as soon as I aimed the gun at him. I knew it was loaded. "Gerard, please, you don't know---"

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

"Please, don't do this!" Frank sobbed so loud. His face turned red and his tears couldn't be held back. He was hyperventilating and shaking his head at me. "Please, baby, don't do this. Please put the gun down. You're sick. You need help---"

"I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I NEED! And it ain't help, baby. I don't need help from you or anyone else!" I shouted in anger. I aimed the gun lower and pulled the trigger, shooting his left kneecap.

Frank screamed and dropped to the floor, clutching at his leg. I broke down and cried, screaming with him.

"Are you fucking scared of me now?!" I screamed. "I told you to leave!"

I turned and retreated up the stairs to my room. I quickly jotted down a simple suicide note, went back down to Frank, and kept myself from looking at him on the floor in pain. I unscrewed the razor blade from a pencil sharpener, cut my finger, and made a heart with my blood. Then, I laid down beside Frank, stuffed the note in his hand, and finally looked him in the eyes. He looked back. His breathing was ragged, he couldn't stop moaning and screaming. Frank ignored the balled up paper in his hand and locked gazes with me. I shakily pressed the gun to my chest and inhaled deeply. Frank tried to smack it away, but he had to keep pressure on his knee.

"Gerard, don't do this." he whispered.

"Frank, I'll always protect you." I whispered back. "But I can't do it in this life. I'm not strong enough."

"No."

"I'll still be here." I sniffled. "But I'll be a soul, and my shell will be left here for everyone to grieve over. No one can hurt me anymore."

"No, baby, no."

I didn't say anything else. Those were my last spoken words. Without hesitation or a second thought, I cocked the gun and pulled the trigger.

Sending a bullet into my empty shell.