Mad World

As I lay there, this monitor driving me mad and my chest aching and throbbing, I stare at the ceiling, waiting to die. I'm ordered to wear an oxygen mask because my left lung in weak and it hurts to breathe. I'm like a wounded bird and I just want to be put out of my misery. I start crying for the third time today since I woke up this morning. The sobs shake my body and it hurts me. I want to rip this oxygen mask off, pull the ivy's out of my arm, and cut my stitches so I can bleed everywhere and finally die.

My suicidal thoughts were cut short when the door opened and I tried to stop because I didn't want the nurse to try to comfort me if she saw me all broken like this.

It definitely wasn't the nurse.

"Hey," Frank said, coming through the door and smiling at me like I never shot his kneecap, that it wasn't wrapped up. He smiled like I wasn't laying here being force-fed air to keep me alive because I punctured my left lung by shoot myself. God damn it, I wish it were the nurse.

I sobbed even harder, covering my faces with my hands and screaming. Not a good idea. My torso throbbed more and my lungs ached inside my rib cage. the heart monitor signaled that my heart rate was speeding up.

"No, Gerard, please stop." Frank begged, taking my hand. I stopped screaming.

Stop crying, God damn it!

"Go away." I hiccuped and sniffled. I would wipe my nose, but that requires taking off the mask. "I don't want you to see me ever again."

"You don't mean that." he replied. his tone caring and sweet. Why does he have to love me?

"No, I do mean it, Frank. Just, kiss me goodbye and leave me alone forever. To die..."

"No, I can't do that. I'm never leaving. You can't make me. You can shoot me a thousand times and I'll always come back." Frank's eyes welled with tears, but his voice kept steady. "Hell, I'll jump in front of bullets for you. Bring 'em on. I'm never leaving you alone. Because you don't deserve to die unhappy. I want to be there with you; beside you. With matching grave plaques. When you die, it's my time to die as well. I can't leave you and you can't leave me."

The entire time he spoke, I shook my head and quietly sobbed, covering my face so he wouldn't see me so broken.

"Why can't you leave me to die in peace? Why can't you see I'm not good for you? did the bullet in you knee not send the message?" I asked him as calm as I could manage, keeping my hands over my eyes.

"Gerard, you're---"

"Don't you fucking say it." I growled. He shut up. There was a long pause and I knew it was time to say my final goodbyes. I couldn't live with anymore pain.

Stacy dumping me for Kaleb.
Kaleb raped me.
Mikey hated me.
I shot myself.

How could I forgive myself for trying to commit suicide? That was a real loser move.

"I just want to be put out of my misery." I hadn't meant to say it aloud.

"Then let me help you. I promise you it will all go away, baby." Frank finally broke down. "Just let me help you through the pain. You make me so happy and I can't stand seeing you this way. Please, please, please, let me help you."

I sighed, uncovered my eyes, and looked into his gaze. "Help me." I whispered.