Mad World

I finally get to go home today. I'm excited, but I'm also scared to leave the hospital. I'm nervous about what I have to face when I go back.

Mikey. Does he still hate me?
Frank. Can he really help me through this?
And what about me? Can I take care of myself again?

Mom and Dad came to the hospital in the afternoon. The doctor said that before I was able to leave, he had to check my stitches. My chest was healing for a good month and I got an infection once. It didn't hurt as much to breathe or move anymore. If it brushed against something or if it was poked, it'd sting really bad.

"You're all good to go. Just be aware of keeping your stitches clean and don't get swept up in crowds. Other than that, you're good. Come back in two months and we'll do an x-ray scan to have a look at how your sternum and lung are healing." The doctor explained.

Dad helped me into a wheelchair and the doctor led us out.

In the car, Mikey sat in front with Dad. He said "Hello", but remained silent after that. Mom sat beside me, her arm around my shoulders to keep me from sliding around and hitting something. I'd gotten my strength back, but didn't turn down my mother's attempt to make sure I got through the car ride safely. Dad drove in the slow lane and two miles under the speed limit.

Once we were home, Mom and Dad slowly ushered me to the entrance where Mikey waited. As Mikey opened the front door, a light flipped on and a group of familiar faces yelled "Surprise!"

"Welcome home!" Mrs. Carlisle-Raina-chimed in, tossing her arms up.

The living room and dining room looked like a type of birthday party/memorial. There was a banner that read "WELCOME HOME, GERARD" in black paint. There were black balloons everywhere, pictures I sketched and painted in Art class hanging on the walls and Nirvana's "Nevermind" album playing at low volume in the background.

And the people. I recognized so many. Everyone from my Art class was there, Frank, and his parent's were there, my dad's parents, Stacy, and a few people from school I don't even associate with. Also some Mikey's friends.

I smiled, laughed, and wiped tears from my eyes. Everyone took turns hugging me and telling how happy they are that I'm alive and healing. Frank was last. He hugged me gently, even though I know he wanted to squeeze me. He kissed my neck once and whispered "Surprise."

"Did you put this together?" I whispered back.

"With the help of your family and Mrs. Carlisle." Frank replied pulling away. He stuffed his hands in his back pockets and grinned. "Welcome home, babe."

"Thank you."

It was a relief to get to talk to people from school again. I received cards by all my teacher's, signed by the entire class. The Art class put together a video about me. My parent's must have let them use baby videos. The class went to students and faculty who knew me and had them tell a memory about me that they like best. I cried and laughed, remembering those memories. At the end there were pictures of me from then and now, "Mad World" by Gary Jules playing in the background.

When the video was finished, everyone took turns telling their stories about me. I laughed because they were all silly. Mom told about the time I got the part as Peter Pan in a middle school musical, which is usually a part for a girl, but my voice is so high-pitched, I got the part. MY grandma made my costume and helped me with my lines and musical numbers.

Mikey finally spoke up. He told about the time he was getting picked on by a bunch of kids older than him. They were tripping him and shoving him. And then I stepped in. I yelled at them and tried to get Mikey to run home with me. They attacked us both. Punched us, spit on us, and bit us.

"And even though we both came out pretty messed up, I'll never forget how brave Gerard was. And still is." he finished, smiling at me. "Welcome home, bro."

************************************************************************
After everyone was gone, Frank stayed behind and watched a movie with Mikey and me. My parent's cleaned and went to bed. During the movie, I looked over and saw Mikey sleeping. I nudged Frank and nodded to the stairs. He nodded and smiled. He helped me stand and I followed him upstairs to my room.

When Frank closed the door, I sat on my bed and looked around at my room. I inhaled slowly and relaxed as relief washed over me. I curled up by the wall and sighed. I felt the bed move and Frank's hand on my arm. I smiled and held my breath to stop from crying.

"I have a surprise for you." Frank whispered. I carefully rolled over to look at him. He smiled at me, his lip and nose ring glinted in the moonlight. Frank slowly leaned in and kissed me softly.

My heart raced and it felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of my lungs. I struggled to breath and kiss him back at the same time. He always takes my breath away.

"I want you." I begged breathlessly, running my fingers through his hair. Frank leaned closer, our chests touching. I could feel his heart. His life. Right there underneath bones and muscles. I pressed my hand to his chest, feeling his life.

"I want you more." he teased. He kissed me again, biting my lip, licking my tongue, and brushing my hair with his fingers.

He was killing me.

Erections grew between the both of us. Frank pulled me on top of him, his hands touching every part of me. Something felt wrong. My stomach swirled in fear and remembrance. I started to panic now. I pulled away a little and stared at Frank, who now looked worried. I shook my head and looked away from him.

"Gerard, we don't have to. I'm sorry! Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" Frank apologized, his eyes watering.

I quickly started to hate myself now. Why me? Why did I have to get raped?

I sighed, turned back to Frank, and kissed him again. I was just going to have to bite my tongue. I wanted this. And I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to still love me. He kissed me back and I could tell he was confused.

My hands explored him, teased him. Frank gave a low moan and arched his back. I shushed him teasingly.

"Gerard," Frank sighed. I lowered my lips to his neck and gently sucked his skin. I smiled and purposely brushed my hand over his erection. Frank stiffened and struggled to keep quiet. I giggled and felt my inner-homosexual coming back home. This was me. I'm myself again. Frank raised his hips to meet mine. I moved with him. I stopped kissing him and pulled back to look into his eyes. He met my gaze and quickly looked away timidly. I stopped grinding against him and lowered my face to his.

"Frank," I sighed sensually. His eyes shifted to meet mine again. "I love you."

Frank smiled. "Forever?"

"Forever and ever, babe."

Frank and I made love that night. I left the past in the past and gave him everything. My body, my soul, my life. I don't regret any of it. I'm glad I found the courage to tell him how I felt about him. The bravery. I was brave enough to admit I fell in love with a boy. Just a few weeks ago I met this timid boy who wanted nothing more than to make a friend. I was too caught up in my hurt feelings to realize this boy just wanted to know me and be my friend. A nice boy, he was. I've come to know that this timid boy is more than just a pretty face with a smile that made you melt; this boy was Frank Iero. A kind soul. A gentle soul. He may have a tattoo or piercing here and there, but he is a beautiful soul in an ugly world.

I woke up the next morning and Frank was still here. He had his arm around my waist lazily. On my back I felt his chest rise and fall slowly and the hum of his quiet snoring. The sun blazed through the open curtains, touching my face and welcoming me to the world. I smiled and said hello to the sun.