Mad World

My first week at St. Frances was interesting. I'd made one friend that drove my hormones crazy. I was insecure about being gay, so I kept it a secret. I decided to keep that part of me bottled inside and fester after I'd fallen for some guy at my last high school a year ago. I'd obviously been hitting on him and he led me on. When i finally worked up the nerve to tell him I loved him, he acted all disgusted with me.

"Ew, you fucking faggot, I ain't gay!" Jace screamed at me, backing away from me and staring at me as if I'd combusted into flames. It was the worst feeling in the world. I'd never felt that kind of heart-wrenching pain before in my life.

But there was something about Gerard that just...made me want to trust him enough to tell him. But when I think about telling him, Jace's reaction repeats itself, burned into my memory like catchy song lyrics. I'll never forget them. They're the words that ruined my confidence and made me a shy, insecure faggot that I am today.

I had a suspicion that Gerard was battling something too. It wasn't just his girlfriend that bothered him. All week I've caught him staring at me, blushing madly when I spoke to him, smiling so big whenever he saw me...

Could he secretly be attracted to me as I was to him?

Next Monday morning, I met Gerard in the library and decided to build the courage to drop hints.

"Have you ever had a secret that bothers you everyday of your life? Like, it would disturb everyone around you and you'd get treated as a target?" I asked.

Gerard's face turned right red and he furrowed his brows in confusion. "Is there something you want to tell me, Frank?" he asked almost hopeful. Was I ready to go through this again? Did i really have feelings that strong toward this guy? It's only been a week. It could just be a petty crush.

"Uhhh..." my brain wasn't properly working at this point. What was I going to say to save myself? "Er, I mean, I'm just asking you. I didn't know if everyone had those feelings, ya know. I like to know how people think."

Worst save ever.

"What's really going on?" he asked, sensing my discomfort.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Gerard quietly waited for me to speak again. I wanted to tell, but I wasn't emotionally ready.

"Nothing's going on, Gerard. Just, I'm being stupid. Forget it." I waved it off.

I gazed up at the clock and quickly made up a lie to get alone before I said more.

"Uh, Gerard, I just freaking remembered that I was meeting up with my Trig teacher to take notes. I'll see you in Chem class." I said standing.

"Wait, Frank!" Gerard stage whispered the plea. I turned and waited. Gerard scrunched his face it pained him to speak all of a sudden. "You're not in this alone."

That's all I needed to hear.