Life, Love, and My Chemical Romance

“Blood stains, speed kills
fast cars, cheap thrills
rich girls, fine wine
I’ve lost my sense, I’ve lost control, I’ve lost my mind”

The song Speed Kills by Agent Orange was stuck in my head. And it would not leave me alone. It’s making me think that this psychic-like gift thing I have is a curse. The song will not leave me alone for a single second to think. I don’t even know how I feel. I think I’m nervous about seeing Gerard today, and about asking Bob to be in the band again. This weird power thing that I have is kind of like having an invisible iPod in my ears twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. The only thing is, this iPod is not able to run out of batteries.
I decided that if I find Bob and talk to Gerard, the song will die down. I quickly threw on a colorful Mindless Self Indulgence tee-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. I shoved my feet into a pair of pink converse I barely ever wear and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. I did all this with only one-third of a brain, for the other parts were focused on the stupid song and my day at school. Which was bound to suck.

“They can make things worse for me,
sometimes I’d rather die
they can tell me lots of things,
but I can’t see eye to eye
I know they know the way I think,
know they always will
someday I’m gunna change my mind,
sometimes I’d rather kill”

I stood outside again, waiting for Nicole to come and drive me to Hell. I mean school. I was sick of all the drama. I wanted it all to end. I wanted things between me and Gerard to go back to normal and the band to stop causing so many people so much pain. Nicole pulled up in her PT Cruiser and I ran in.
“Feeling better?” she asked when I got inside.
“Kind of.” I answered weakly. My voice was sore from all the crying and stuff yesterday.
“Oh, you’ll be fine.” She said as she reached over and hugged me.
“Right...” I replied. We drove to school and I didn’t say a thing the entire way their. I couldn’t say anything because I couldn’t think straight on account of Speed Kills. I got to my locker and was shocked to see Gerard waiting for me. My brain kind of froze when I saw him. Not like when you have too much ice cream, but it froze as if someone hit the pause button on that stupid iPod in my head.
“Hey.” I said. I could feel my self begin to choke up. I swallowed back the tears.
“Hi,” he said. He seemed sad as well, “you didn’t seem well yesterday.” He said.
“Oh.” I replied. I didn’t know what to say.
“Do you feel any better?” he asked. Suddenly I remembered why I fell for him in the first place. He was so god damn cute and so freaking sweet.
“Yes, I feel much better now.” I smiled weakly. He smiled his toothy grin that makes my heart turn to goo and came over and hugged me. He kissed my forehead and let me get to my locker.
“What was wrong yesterday?” he asked me as I unlocked my locker.
“I don’t know, I guess I was just having an off day,” I began, “All the stuff with the band, it all got more and more complicated,”
“I don’t blame you for being upset,” he really did seem to understand me, “I think we should go talk to that drummer dude.” I smiled.
“Bob?”
“Yeah, him.”
“Cool.” And we walked off to find Bob.

When we found Bob, he was surrounded with his Abercrombie clad friends, not my absolute favorite sight. At all. I took a deep breath and walked up to him, Gerard behind me. When Bob saw me he just stopped talking to the people around him, he stopped everything, and turned to me. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.
“Hi.” I said in my nicest voice possible.
“Hi.” He said quietly.
“You play the drums, right?” I asked.
“Yes…” he said slowly. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a flyer for the band. I held it out to Bob until he took it.
“Think about it.” I told him and walked away.
“He doesn’t look too pleased…” said Gerard when we were far away enough for Bob not to hear us.
“Well, I hear he’s amazing.” I said.
“I hope he is.” Suddenly Gerard’s pocket started vibrating as we walked to class. He pulled out his cell phone and he stopped walking.
“What is it?” I asked. He looked really startled. A part of me was scared that something serious had happened. I hated seeing Gerard upset. It made me upset.
“It’s…” he said slowly, “Matt.”

“They can make things worse for me,
sometimes I’d rather die
they can tell me lots of things,
but I can’t see eye to eye
I know they know the way I think,
know they always will
someday I’m gunna change my mind,
sometimes I’d rather kill”