Too Young to Care

"Incoming!!!" came the call just as a football landed in our cooler, sending chunks of ice everywhere.

I watched from the door of the bus as two of my bandmates got up from their lawn chairs to brush the cold shrapnel off. Looking over towards the other bus, I saw our likely suspects. Corey and Jim stood halfway between our bus and the bus for Stone Sour, just laughing their asses off.

"Damn it, Corey!" I yelled, "what the hell was that for?"

"What makes you think it was me?" he asked, messing with his downed mohawk and flashin a shit-eating grin.

"Sometimes I think you have the same muturity level as Matt," I replied pointing at my still ice covered drummer.

"Hey!" he called, "I'm older than you!"

I waived him off, looking back to the two football culprits. It was probably a second before we were all laughing. I finnaly walked down the steps to the little circle of chairs, where my band was seated.

This whole expierience had been pretty surreal for all of us. The oldest of us was Josh, our lead guitarist, who was only 22. And yet our band, Destruction Reigns, was touring with Stone Sour. It was our first major tour, we even had a few international dates. Not to mention Corey Taylor was one of my biggest idols. As a vocalist, it was my dream tour.

"If you guys are done hazing us, why don't you come have a drink?" Josh yelled. I sat down in one of the available chairs and waived them over.

"I gotta go call Cristina, so maybe some other time," Jim called back. He clapped Corey on the shoulder and the tall man with the ponytail walked off to call his fiancee.

"C'mon Corey, invitation's still open," I said grabbing an MGD with a dent in it from the cooler.

"I don't know kid, should a 16 year old be drinking?" he teased, walking over and planting himself in a seat.

"Oh, screw you," I said cracking it open, "you know I turned 20 last month." As if to prove my point, I took a big, long chug of my beer. It was still underaged drinking, but nobody really cared. I'd been doing shit like that since I really was 16. We all had.

"Just kidding Nikki. Hey Matt, toss me one."

"Isn't it weird for an old man to be hanging out with a bunch of kids?" I teased back, flipping him off with one black polish tipped finger. I was the youngest on tour, as well as being the only girl. While I got a few well meaning jabs, I could throw a few of my own.

"Oh I'm stung," he mocked, placing a hand over his heart. "I'm not that old."

Things continued on like that for hours. Even when the light started to fade on the Houston skyline, even as Josh defended his long hair, even when we called blue eyes cliche, even when Matt and Corey stuck up for their eye color, and even as the beers ran low.

Anyone could see I'd probably had too much. I didn't usually do this, but for some reason, tonight I'd gone overboard. No one noticed until Josh looked over and saw me slumped in my chair, already half passed out.

"Nikki, I think it's the end of the night for you." He gave me that worried look that usually brought me to my senses.

"I'm fiinneeee. Jussst fiinnee," I slurred. I tried to give him a reassuring look, but I'm sure all his green eyes saw in my hazel ones was blurry drunkeness. So I gave in, and tried to get up. That was a mistake.

Next thing I knew, my face was headed for the pavement. A second before I collided, a set of strong arms caught me and hoisted me up like a child.

"We should all head inside, we don't need anyone else falling over." The person holding me said, the deep tone told me it was Josh. My face was placed next to his chest, and in my half asleep state I buried my face in his shirt so I couldn't see around me. I could hear shuffling and multiple pairs of shoes going up the metal steps to the bus.

I then felt myself moving, being carried inside the bus. A few steps in Josh stopped.

"I brought your cooler in," I heard Corey, "you might wanna set her on the couch." Then a pause. "Trust me, if you have to puke, it's easier to get off a couch than out of a bunk."

I was put in another direction and slowly laid down on what I knew was the couch at the frnt of our bus. A blanket was pulled over me and a pillow placed under my head. A chunk of my black and brown hair was pushed off my face by a guitarist's hand rough with callouses.

"Night Nikki," Josh said.

How embarrassing, I thought, not only was I drunk out of my mind in front of my idol. Just great, I was being tucked in like a little kid, right in front of him.

"You really care about her don't you?" Corey asked.

"We've been friends for 6 years. She's my best friend," he replied.

"Yeah, I guess." i could hear the vinyl on the seats at our table squeak. they must have set down. The table was right across from the couch. I probably could've heard the rest of thier conversation, if I hadn't fallen asleep right then.

* * *

I couldn't move. My arms were held at my sides and I was struggling. His face was in front of mine. The putrid smell of his breath filled my nostrils, the look in his eyes made my stomach turn. "Stop it, Shawn," I cried.

"Shut up! Don't move!" he yelled at me. His friends' grip on my arms tightened, and his hands moved disgustingly lower.

* * *

The screams were blood-curdling. "STOP! NO! Please! Don't touch me! NO!!"

"Nikki! Nikki! Wake up!" Josh yelled trying to shake me awake. My fists were flying, beating into his chest. He grabbed my fists, and my eyes flew open.

"Guys go back to bed. i've got this," Josh called to our kitchen where the rest of the band was gathered. One by one they turned and headed back to their bunks. They k ew the drill. Sadly this wasn't the first time I'd woke up screaming.

The tears couldn't be held back any longer. I leaned into my friend and started to sob. the kind of sob where you can't breath unless you keep crying.

"What the hell was that!?"

The embarrassment would never end. Now Corey had seen me wake up from the reacurring nightmare I'd been having for years.

Josh was patting and rubbing my back trying to calm me down. "Shhh... it's ok. He can't hurt you. Shawn's in jail now. You're ok."

I looked up at Corey's shocked face, wiping the eyeliner and tears from my face. "I'm sorry, I guess I have some explaining to do."

"Nikki, you don't have to..."

I cut him off. "It's ok Josh." He let go off my hands then. I sat up, before he put a protective arm around my shouldars. One steadying breath and off i went.

"This sory isn't easy. So I'm just gonna tell it and get it over with. I was 8 years old and in elementary school. Shawn was a bully at my school and, I think, about 11. It wasn't unusual to be really messed up in that town at a young age, he proved that to me." Corey sat looking at me, his blue eyes trained on my face.

"One day, on the playground, he and a group of friends cornered me. Two of them grabbed my arms and held me so I couldn't move. Everytime I tried to they kicked me, pinched me, hit me, scratched me." I took another deep breath.

"And then there was Shawn. To this day I can see that sick look on his face. He came up and grabbed the belt loops on my pants. I yelled for him to stop and he yelled back at me. i was only 8! I thought he was just gonna pants me. But it got worse." I started to cry again.

"He pulled down my pants, and then my underwear. He touched me. That boy touched me and I couldn't get away." Josh wrapped his arm tighter around me and kissed the top of my head. Corey was looking at me with empathy and sadness in his eyes.

"And that's my story."

Corey shook his head, as if trying to process what he'd heard. "So what happened to him?" he asked.

"The school called it a simple bullying incident. Because they didn't see it happen, it never did," I explained with an exaspperated sigh.

"That's fucked up!"

"Been saying that for years," Josh whispered harshly.

"That's it?" Corey questioned.

"Well he's in jail now. He got caught doing that to another girl four years ago. He violated the parole he was on too, so he got 10 years out of it. he won't be out for awhile."

"So the screaming was....?" he trailed off.

"Every now and then, I have a nightmare where it happens again. I wake up screaming everytime I do."

He sat there for a second, ran a hand over his face and sighed.

"Man, Nikki, you're so young and have already been through so much."

"I'm doing better. I can't quit, I just can't."

"Looks like you've got some good help though," he smiled nodding at Josh. "Well, hate to say it," he started, looking down at his watch, "but this old man has to leave. Time for bed."

"You're not that old, dude," I told him with a smile, remembering the jab I'd thrown earlier in the night.

"Got that right kiddo," he said just as he opened the door and left. Seconds after the door closed, I yawned deeply.

"Think you can go back to sleep?" Josh asked. He eyed me, being the protector he'd always been.

"I don't know," I said honestly, looking at his hand on my shouldar.

"I won't leave."

I didn't fight when he let me go and helped me lay back down. He even tucked me back in, before he sat down next to the couch. He took my hand in his and brushed my hair away from my face. My eyelids were drooping, heavy with tiredness and the presence of my alcohol intake that night. The fight with sleep was quickly being lost.

He continued to brush his hand over my hair, it relaxing me as I slowly drifted off. He whispered to me. "It's ok, Nikki. No one will ever hurt you again. I won't let them. I promise. I lo..."

I didn't hear the rest. My eyes closed all the way, and for the second time that night, I fell fast asleep. Only this time, I had a small smile on my face. No nightmares came this time. Josh was right. He wouldn't let anyone hurt me. Not even dreams of the past.