It'll Be Your Name on My Last Breath

“Mommy, come in!” Liam squealed… from under a fort of blankets that him and Wil had thrown together.

I was on the couch, icing my leg. There was no way I was about to try and even get under that thing. Him and his daddy can have all the time in the world they need under there. I’m staying right here.

“You guys just knock yourselves out,” I replied.

“But, mommy,” Liam whined and poked his head out form under the blankets.

Before I could say anything, there was a knock on the door… a rather loud knock. Leaving the boys in the tent, I went to answer it. An ache was still in my leg, but I was able to wobble without crutches. It’s ok! But when I opened the door, the thought of my leg pain was the last thing on my mind. Standing before me was… Jake… Shit…

“H-hey,” was the first thing that left my mouth. I wasn’t… expecting to see him. But then again, I guess I should have since… I’ve kind of been afraid to talk to him.

“Busy?” With just that one word, I could tell he was upset. The way he said that had a hidden attitude to it.

“JAKE?!” Liam shouted before hurrying out from under his little fort to run right to Jake. A smile actually came over his face as he bent down to give the boy a hug. “Come look at the fort daddy and I built!” he went on to state while trying to tug Jake along.

“In a minute, bud. I need to talk to mommy,” he replied while standing up straight once again.

“Are you going to kiss her?” he asked and made an ew face. Oh my gosh!

“Maybe,” Jake chuckled and ruffled up the little boy’s hair.

Once he went back under the blankets, Jake asked if we could talk somewhere. I told him on the front porch… even though I was nervous as hell. I’ve been handling things so badly lately. I thought if I just ignored it all it would be ok. The only thing that mattered was Liam, but… I’ve kind of been ignoring everyone else… except Wil. I guess I need to start talking.

“… What the hell?” was what he started with.

“What?” I wasn’t quite sure what he wanted me to say.

“You have a big blow out with your best friend and I’m the one that doesn’t see you?” he countered.

“I couldn’t go back home,” I told him.

“There’s my place. I thought that’s where you were going when you told me to drop you off at your place that Sunday. But then I don’t see you for the next four days,” he was getting more and more worked up with each word.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed.

“Really? That’s all? I’m sorry?” he obviously didn’t like that. But I didn’t want to tell him why!

“What do you want me to tell you right now? I went through a lot of shit at the last race. I just needed some time…”

“With Wil…”

“This is really what this is about? Me staying with the father of my child?”

“You haven’t talked to me. I’m your boyfriend. I would think I of all people would be able to help you through this.”

I just looked at him. It was eating at me. The more I stood in front of him, the more it was just begging to come blurting out. AH! No!

“Not when… you’re apart of everything too,” I spoke softly, letting that much out.

“What?! What the hell did I do?” he was obviously annoyed.

“… Marriage, Jake? … Really?” I finally let it slip.

His eyes grew wide. He most likely didn’t know that… I know this was discussed. Shit! I shouldn’t have said anything! But damn it, that’s all I’ve been able to think about!

“Calyn…” he muttered.

“No,” I corrected, “Wil… at the race Saturday.”

He didn’t know what to say… and neither did I. I can’t even decide where I want to live and he wants to settle down. Everything about it scared me. We haven’t been… together that long. Seven months at the most. Why is he… MARRIAGE?! Just… wow.

“It was just a thought. I don’t have a ring or anything. I just felt like… for Liam…” he started to ramble.

“You don’t need to marry me to be there for Liam,” I cut him off.

“But I feel like it would just be… complete for him then.”

“Jake, he loves you whether you’re married to me or not,” I kind of laughed. He wanted to… do that for Liam. It was… sweet.

“I know, but… marrying you and then maybe eventually adopting him…”

“Really?” why was he just now telling me this?!

“I love that little boy. He’s… the son I would hope I have some day,” he countered. “But you obviously don’t like the idea of getting married so…” he trailed off with a huff.

“It’s just… so much has happened and on top of all of it, you want to… get married?” I was able to laugh now.

“… You’re scared,” he smirked at me.

“No!” I quickly shot at him.

“You are,” he smiled now.

“Shut up!” I whined.

“Babe,” he grinned brightly before pulling me into his arms.

“I don’t want to rush into anything and… mess anything up,” I sighed, losing my smile.

“Did you expect me to just come up here and drop down on one knee?” he asked while rubbing my back now.

“I didn’t know! If you’re telling my best friend about…” I paused because the look in his eyes changed.

“I am never telling her a god damn thing again,” he pushed out.

I just shook my head and nuzzled into him more. Missed being in his arms.

“How’s your leg?” he asked softly, letting his hands fall from my back to my… ass.

“It’s fine… and so is my ass,” I teased.

“You got that right,” he snickered and gave it a playful smack. “Why don’t you come back to my place tonight?” he suggested.

“Liam…” I started.

“We can put daddy to the test,” he smirked. Oh god damn those smirks.

“Let me… go talk to him,” I managed to get out.

He let his arms slowly remove from me so that I could mention this to Wil. If I wasn’t about to wiggle my way out of my damn close right now this would probably be a little more easier to concentrate on.

“Wil! I’m going to go with Jake,” I told him.

“I wanna go!” Liam was quick to shout.

“But you’ll stay here with daddy,” I smiled down at him.

“But I wanna see Jake!” he came running up to me and jumped up and down over and over again.

“You’ll see him tomorrow. Mommy has to talk to him,” I said and poked his cheeks playfully.

“I wanna go,” he pouted.

“I thought… you were going to... stay here,” Wil stepped in.

“But Jake…” I gave him that look. I need some from my man, Wilbur!

“Ok,” he replied with a huff, “Come on, bud,” he lifted Liam off of the ground and flipped him way over his shoulder.

He whined a little bit, but Wil seemed to have it all under control. That’s his daddy. He should be ok with everything! I just need to spend some well-needed quality time with Jake. It works out. Wil gets to spend time with his son and Jake and I get some private time… Everyone’s happy!