It'll Be Your Name on My Last Breath

It’s been a few days since the damn mud bath of a race we had. I hated it, but thinking back it was… kind of fun. And when I pulled up the track today, it looked to be a little muddy. Oh this is going to be fun!

“Your father is late,” I huffed as I helped Liam out of my truck.

“I’m here!” I heard Wil shout as he came running over.

“Daddy!” Liam beamed and hurried over to his papi.

As they had their little moment, I went and got my bike along with Liam’s out of the bed of my truck. Once I had them on their stands, Wil brought our boy over. They both were sporting matching smiles. Aw, my boys! … I mean… boy. That’s my boy!

“Daddy brought the gear today,” Wil seemed proud of himself while I brought my bag closer to me.

“Oh, really?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

He grinned even brighter than before and pulled out a set of red and white gear… that had Gecio Honda right on the front. Oh dear, Wilbur.

“He rides a Kawasaki!” I couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m working on the bike ok. I got to get all the graphics on it before he can ride it. Duh,” he countered.

“Oh, you’re so cute,” I couldn’t hold in.

“Mommy called me cute,” he poked his son’s tummy playfully.

“Go get your bike!” I gave him a playful shove.

You’re only cute because my son looks like you! Stupid boy. When I event over to Liam, he was smiling so brightly. He gets so excited when he rides… I’ve noticed that it’s a little more when he’s with Wil rather than Jake… just a bit!

“You got to be careful, ok?” I told him as I was helping him with his helmt and goggles.

“I will,” he replied, making me smile.

“Wait for daddy,” I added as I put him down from my tailgate so he could get on his bike. Didn’t he look cute? Green Kawasaki with red Gecio Honda gear. Well, he’s never going to be a sponsor pleaser…

Shortly after, Wil came over fully geared. Without waiting for me, they both took off for the track. I actually… didn’t want to ride now. All I wanted to do was… watch them. I’ve found joy in watching Wil interact with his son. Sometimes I wish it was more, but… it’s such a great thing to experience. I backed my truck up and sat on the opened tailgate, watching the two red bikes zip around the track.

Later on, Wil pulled off, leaving his son to tick off more laps. He brought his bike over to my truck and turned it off. After he pulled his helmet and goggles off, he placed them on his handlebars… and then did away with his dirt jersey. That was so uncalled for! With an invitation, he climbed up and sat next to me. We sat in silence as we watched our little boy on his bike.

“I’ve been… wanting to talk to you about some things,” he started softly.

“What’s up?” I questioned, trying not to look right at him.

“I know I… haven’t been… the dad I really want to be lately,” he started.

“Wil, I’m not mad at you,” I assured him.

“I know, but there’s a reason why I kind… wasn’t around for a little bit and was blowing you off.”

“You going to tell me?”

I had to look over at him; just had to. He was sweaty. That was the only thing I could thing of as I waiting for him to go on. There’s just something about a dirty, sweaty boy…

“It uh… it kind of hurt to be with you and Liam,” he confessed.

“Why?” I felt my forehead wrinkle up.

“It’s… it’s stupid,” he shook his head while letting his smile take over.

“Aw, no, tell me.” I didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t tell me anything.

He looked over at me, those steel blue eyes gazing back into mine. It made my stomach flutter a little more than it usually does… and I felt like I was sixteen again, looking into his eyes for the first time. Ok… NO! This isn’t happening!

“I just… have this hope that… we can be a family,” he spoke gently.

“We kind of are a family…” I tried to dance around this issue.

“No, like… a family. Where you’re mine and I’m yours and… we have Liam,” he corrected me.

“Wil…” I couldn’t help but huff.

“I know… You’re with Jake. You guys are going to get married. But… That’s just always in the back of my mind,” he sighed.

“We’re not getting married…” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You will,” he muttered.

“If it makes you feel any better… I have that little hope too,” I wasn’t sure if I should have said that, but… I did.

He looked over at me, his eyes lit up with so much emotion. Ok, I really shouldn’t have said that! No! I felt him starting to lean in too. This wasn’t happening. Before it could that far, I slid off of my truck and walked closer to the track to watch Liam. That was a bad idea to tell him that. But I mean… who wouldn’t have that hope? It would just be so much better for Liam, but… Liam has a Jake and a daddy. That has to be double awesome anyway. I don’t need this Wil hope… Nu uh. Not me!