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It'll Be Your Name on My Last Breath
Deep Thoughts
I pushed a hand through my hair angry as ever. I got second overall. I won the race, but Kylee held most of the laps so in turn she got the overall. The points battle was almost tied. I threw my towel at the wall off the hauler and sat on the step in the doorway. I wanted this championship more than anything. My contract with Honda was up this year meaning I had two options hang up the back or push to win a championship and get another contract. I looked at my phone seeing the time I cussed under my breath and hurried to Eli’s pit. I quickly kissed him and said I love you then he was gone. I made my way out to watch finding a spot to sit and watch the whole track. I normally got up close and cheered Eli on, but today I just didn’t feel like it.
I made my way down to the podium to congratulate him on his overall win. He kissed me and then went off to do his thing. I sighed and stood back waiting. Eventually, riding back with him on the mule.
He did his thing back at the hauler and looked at me once he was free, “hey you won a race today and got second overall, be happy babe.”
“I am,” I said sighing.
“Something’s bugging you,” he said wiping hair from my eyes.
I sighed and said a little louder than I planned, “I don’t have a ride next year and I really want this championship.”
“I know you do,” he said smiling. “You’ll win it.”
I nodded and sniffled, “I just really have thought about this being my last year and all you know.”
He instantly pulled me into a hug, “babe, we’ve talked about this. You don’t have to hang it up after this year if you don’t want too.”
I nodded and sighed. Wilbur walked by and asked, “you’re planning on hanging it up after this season?”
I sighed and looked at him, “thought about it. I said while I was injured that I wanted to make this a really awesome season, get the championship and focus on the rest of my life. I want a family one day and I don’t want to have to deal with being off the bike for a couple years when a child is born. Plus, I’d rather be the motivator. I like watching the races and being the girlfriend to a racer just as much as racing. If I want to ride my dirt bike in the future I will, but I want this to be a good year for me.”
“Well looks like Kylee is really striving for a championship this year too,” he said looking at me.
“And that’s why I’m upset because she knows this might be my last year! She knows!” I said and shook my head.
“Calm down, you are getting worked up on this for no reason babe,” Eli said looking at me.
I shook my head, “I’m going to go grab my stuff.”
I walked past Kylee who was on her way over with Liam and sighed. I didn’t say a word I was upset and didn’t want to say something stupid and regret it. I heard Eli say, “she’s fine.”
I just hope Wilbur keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t make me out to be a bad guy here. I grabbed my backpack and slowly made my way back to see what Eli was up too. I just wanted to go home now. Yeah we got the second overall but I was still bummed on the points lead being super tight now. We were about halfway and that meant one thing, I needed to kick it into high gear if I had to beat Kylee…
Once everything was wrapped up Eli and I headed back to the hotel then got ready to head back to Colorado for another week then we’d be back in California for a little longer. This week E and I were going property looking to see if we could find something we were interested in. Hopefully we could find something the way we wanted with plenty of land for a Supercross track as well as a Motocross track that E could practice on.
I really was ready inside for this to be my last season. To think a few months ago I was thinking ah yeah, few more years and then we’ll see. To come to the point in my life and say hey, I need to either find another job to help support a family or I need to keep racing and risk everything by putting everything on the line for a pay check. A paycheck that I only got if I stayed in the top ten and if I was in the top five I’d get even more money. I’m only 21 years old and have a killer life ahead of me, but I want to be able to have that family that some racers do or can’t have.
To say I’m scared that if I continue to race just like Eli and hope when we get married and decide to have children, and not have the money to take care each other was definitely in the back of my mind when I think about the future. I think it’s in every racers mind because racing is our life and always has been. Eli has been racing since he was six years old; I eight when I started. Our parents did our schooling; we didn’t go to school everyday, racing was our life.
Eli loves racing so much and I can see him doing so great in the sport, but me I’m going to be stuck in this woman’s class battling it out. I was really considering this to be my last year. I’m just glad Eli’s support me in this so much. He’s really been a great guy to lean on in these rough times. I don’t know what I would have done if I had never meet this guy. I’d probably be a nobody still and amateur racer trying to find a race to win and go pro. Well I’m here and I’m ready to say hey, I think it’s enough…but is it?
I made my way down to the podium to congratulate him on his overall win. He kissed me and then went off to do his thing. I sighed and stood back waiting. Eventually, riding back with him on the mule.
He did his thing back at the hauler and looked at me once he was free, “hey you won a race today and got second overall, be happy babe.”
“I am,” I said sighing.
“Something’s bugging you,” he said wiping hair from my eyes.
I sighed and said a little louder than I planned, “I don’t have a ride next year and I really want this championship.”
“I know you do,” he said smiling. “You’ll win it.”
I nodded and sniffled, “I just really have thought about this being my last year and all you know.”
He instantly pulled me into a hug, “babe, we’ve talked about this. You don’t have to hang it up after this year if you don’t want too.”
I nodded and sighed. Wilbur walked by and asked, “you’re planning on hanging it up after this season?”
I sighed and looked at him, “thought about it. I said while I was injured that I wanted to make this a really awesome season, get the championship and focus on the rest of my life. I want a family one day and I don’t want to have to deal with being off the bike for a couple years when a child is born. Plus, I’d rather be the motivator. I like watching the races and being the girlfriend to a racer just as much as racing. If I want to ride my dirt bike in the future I will, but I want this to be a good year for me.”
“Well looks like Kylee is really striving for a championship this year too,” he said looking at me.
“And that’s why I’m upset because she knows this might be my last year! She knows!” I said and shook my head.
“Calm down, you are getting worked up on this for no reason babe,” Eli said looking at me.
I shook my head, “I’m going to go grab my stuff.”
I walked past Kylee who was on her way over with Liam and sighed. I didn’t say a word I was upset and didn’t want to say something stupid and regret it. I heard Eli say, “she’s fine.”
I just hope Wilbur keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t make me out to be a bad guy here. I grabbed my backpack and slowly made my way back to see what Eli was up too. I just wanted to go home now. Yeah we got the second overall but I was still bummed on the points lead being super tight now. We were about halfway and that meant one thing, I needed to kick it into high gear if I had to beat Kylee…
Once everything was wrapped up Eli and I headed back to the hotel then got ready to head back to Colorado for another week then we’d be back in California for a little longer. This week E and I were going property looking to see if we could find something we were interested in. Hopefully we could find something the way we wanted with plenty of land for a Supercross track as well as a Motocross track that E could practice on.
I really was ready inside for this to be my last season. To think a few months ago I was thinking ah yeah, few more years and then we’ll see. To come to the point in my life and say hey, I need to either find another job to help support a family or I need to keep racing and risk everything by putting everything on the line for a pay check. A paycheck that I only got if I stayed in the top ten and if I was in the top five I’d get even more money. I’m only 21 years old and have a killer life ahead of me, but I want to be able to have that family that some racers do or can’t have.
To say I’m scared that if I continue to race just like Eli and hope when we get married and decide to have children, and not have the money to take care each other was definitely in the back of my mind when I think about the future. I think it’s in every racers mind because racing is our life and always has been. Eli has been racing since he was six years old; I eight when I started. Our parents did our schooling; we didn’t go to school everyday, racing was our life.
Eli loves racing so much and I can see him doing so great in the sport, but me I’m going to be stuck in this woman’s class battling it out. I was really considering this to be my last year. I’m just glad Eli’s support me in this so much. He’s really been a great guy to lean on in these rough times. I don’t know what I would have done if I had never meet this guy. I’d probably be a nobody still and amateur racer trying to find a race to win and go pro. Well I’m here and I’m ready to say hey, I think it’s enough…but is it?
♠ ♠ ♠
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