It'll Be Your Name on My Last Breath

Before Calyn could get back, I hurried up to my bathroom and hopped in the shower. I felt so… dirty and nasty and… so unworthy of everything. Why did that happen?! It shouldn’t have! I love Jake… JAKE! Not Wil! I didn’t even… have the nerve to tell Calyn what really happened. How am I… going to face Jake tomorrow?

All I wanted to do was cry! I couldn’t control myself! How did he… do that? It shouldn’t have happened! What the hell is wrong with me? I have such a good thing with Jake and… I probably ruined it because I got caught up in a moment with Wil. THIS IS SO MESSED UP!

“Ky,” I heard Calyn knock on the door.

I couldn’t even find my voice. I just leaned against he counter of the bathroom, trying to hold in my tears. I made the mistake of not locking the door before I got in. It didn’t take anything for her to open it and waltz right in.

“Ky,” she repeated before pulling me in for a tight hug.

I wanted to say so much. But I just couldn’t. I was sobbing once again. I wanted to tell her! I needed to tell someone. But… maybe I could… make it go away if I didn’t tell anyone. For the time being, I kept my mouth shut. It was a mistake. I know I love Jake.

“It’ll be ok,” she assured me.

I just sniffled and told her that I needed to go to bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to be by myself right now. Calyn accepted, but… I couldn’t lie down in our bed. I just… couldn’t. It smelled too strongly of Jake and I… felt so guilty just looking at it. I opted to curl up on the couch. Calyn plopped down in the big chair that Jake and I usually cuddle in. We just sat here in silence, watching a movie to try and ease our minds.

After some time, my phone went off. It was a text from… Jake. I was afraid to look at it. Who knows if Calyn told him anything while she was gone?! Or… maybe Wil wanted to start shit and called Jake… I don’t know!

“Is it… Wil?” she asked since she had heard my phone and saw me put it face down so I didn’t have to look at it.

“It’s… Jake,” I pushed out.

“What’d it say?” she questioned.

“I don’t know,” I huffed and ran a hand through my hair.

“He… has Liam,” she told me.

“How?” I wrinkled my face up at her.

“I went to Wil’s… and took him to Jake,” she answered.

I just let out another heavy sigh. “Did you tell him anything?”

“I told him that you love him… no matter what,” she replied.

I didn’t know what he could be thinking right now. It couldn’t have been good. I didn’t want to read what he sent me. I looked anyway though. What he had sent… made me want to bawl!

‘I love you,’ was what it said.

I replied with a quick ‘love you too’ and then shut my phone off. I couldn’t bear to talk to him any longer. Even if it was over text messages. I just lay there, trying to… forget about everything. It’s going to be ok! It… should be. It needs to be! I can’t… be without Jake. That’s the only thing I’m sure of right now. I need Jake… and Liam needs Jake. I need to pull this together by the morning or… he could be gone forever.