Clarity.

Rose’s POV:

It’s been two weeks since Vic’s accident. Thankfully, the one surgery he had cleared up all the internal bleeding, so he hasn’t had any life threatening problems since then. I swear every breath of his is a blessing.

He was discharged from the hospital last week, and he’s had such overwhelming support from his fans. It’s honestly the most heartwarming thing to see, especially seeing his eyes light up knowing that a shit ton of people genuinely care about his well-being. But, of course he’s received a ton of bad press: magazines slamming him with slander and accusing him of being a bad person.

I can tell it bugs him, but I told him the day we left the hospital, he should know what to expect. People are mean, and that’s that. It shakes him a bit, but Mike and I have been able to talk him into using that negative energy as motivation … motivation to get better, and to be better… For his family. For his friends. For his fans … For me.

He’s been in a DUI program since he’s been discharged, and he’s made a tremendous effort to reach out the family of the teenaged boy he hit in the accident. Luckily the boy avoided hitting the concrete wall, unlike Vic, and escaped the accident with minor injuries. I know Vic would never be able to forgive himself had it been any worse …

“Hey y’all,” Jaime announced as he walked through the front door of Mike and Vic’s place, with Vic trailing behind.

“Hey Hime-Time!” I called back over the couch.

Mike and I were watching Harry Potter, his favorite. Ever since the day of the accident, Mike and I have become incredibly close. He’s a lot of fun to be around. He’s super goofy and gives the best advice. I’ve strayed away a bit from sharing my emotional shit with Vic. He’s got a lot on his plate, and I won’t let myself do anything but support him in these times.

Vic’s warm smile greeted me as I hurriedly rose from the couch to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his found their way around my waist. I swear there’s no better place than in his arms.

“My Rose,” He whispered into my hair, then gently kissing my neck just below my ear.

I giggled and hugged him a little tighter.

Vic’s POV:

Rose is always the best part of my day. I can never get enough of the girl.

And over this time, I’ve been able to put my qualms with Cara to rest. Not because of Rose, but because of well, me.

Everything else set aside, I’ve come to terms with myself. I need to learn to love myself. If I don’t love myself, how could anyone else?

I was letting this girl rip me to pieces. I didn’t deserve that. Sure shit happens, but I can’t let it plague my life like that anymore. I’ve let things get too far out of hand. I put my life at risk and several other people’s lives at risk. It can’t come to that anymore. I won’t let it. Seeing my parents eyes filled with such sadness tore me to pieces. Seeing Mike and how broken he looked… Seeing Rose stare into my unworthy eyes with such concern …
It’s time for me to put my foot down. It’s time for me move the fuck on. I can’t bear to sit here and let someone destroy me like that anymore.

These DUI classes are a pain in the ass to say the least. But I fucked up, and it’s what I get. Going home to see Rose is what gets me through them.

I’d really like to punch a few paparazzi in the fucking face, but now’s probably not the best time for that. Rose would kill me.

I set Rose down from our embrace after inhaling her light, and ironically flowery scent that I’ve no less than fallen in love with. She brings such peace to my scattered mind, and I couldn’t be any more thankful for her. I really would like to kick myself in the dick for abandoning her the day of the accident, mainly because I treated her like shit, and obviously, maybe if I had listened to her trying to help me, I wouldn’t have almost killed an innocent kid and myself.

With that thought, memories of the accident flooded my head.

I could feel my body being violently jerked forward with the sound of my car crunching against the concrete wall, the whiskey left in my bottle rudely splashing my face. My car spun back into oncoming traffic and the annoying sound of my car beeping filled my ears as my head rested on the deployed air bag. My head began to hurt immensely, and I felt blood dribble from my lips. The one feeling I’ll never forget, nor do I want to feel it ever again, is my lungs fighting to inflate themselves. I fought with everything I had in me as I mentally panicked. This couldn’t be the end … not yet. But each breath felt like my last, as they got shorter and shorter…

“How’s your day been?” Rose said, shaking me back from my episode.

I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the flash back.

Her eyes searched frantically in mine for an answer, but I was still a little taken aback by the flash back. They always feel so damn real.
She reached for my hand and took it in hers, leading me towards the staircase. I shakily followed her up the steps and we eventually ended up in my messy room.

I stared at her with a half smile but still with a blank expression in my eyes. She took my book bag draped over my left shoulder and tugged off my jacket, throwing both to the floor. We both plopped down onto my bed and I kicked my shoes off my feet. She pulled me up to the top of the bed after she tied up her chocolaty hair into a cute little bun, and sort of held me in her arms. It was almost like a reverse cuddle. I’d never done it with anyone but Rose before. It was oddly comfortable.

I nuzzled into her neck as she gently traced patterns on my shoulder and back. She always knows just the right thing to do when I get all frazzled like that. I don’t know how she does it.

We laid there in comfortable silence, taking in each other’s scent and appreciating the fact that we’re both breathing.

“Thank ya, darlin’,” I said in a country voice, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

She lightly chuckled, and tightened her grip around me and kissed my forehead.

“Anytime, sweet thang,” She said in a sweet voice, joking back with me.

A smile spread across my lips and I hugged her a little tighter.

I wasn’t used to being treated like this, by any means. Rose genuinely cares about my well-being, and I didn’t even believe it to be possible that someone could extend such kindness. She always showers me with simplicity … and peace.

That being said, she’s much like the ocean, the ocean that I can see she’s come to love immensely for as long as she’s been breathing. Simple, and peaceful; the perfect balance I crave in this hell of a rockstar life I lead.

“You know, everyone really loves you. My family, and the guys.”

“You think so?” She said with a small smile.

“Without a doubt,” I said proudly. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my gut tells me that Rose will be around for quite some time. The way she meshes with everyone is rather unbelievable. I know already that Mike especially holds her in high regards. He told me everything she did the day of my accident. The simple fact that she let in a tall ass man with a shit ton of tattoos into her house and then later on let him cry on her about his stupid brother is just … I can’t even explain to you. She’s nothing short of incredible.

“Come on, I’ll make dinner!” I said, springing from the bed with excitement.

Jaime and Tony joined Mike, Rose and I for dinner, and we were all stuffing our faces with delicious quesadillas, compliments of Momma Fuentes’ recipe.

Mike had already gone through two of them, and made his way back to the stove for another. He sat back in his seat across from Rose.

“I hope y’all have a plunger.” Rose said.

Everyone turned to her quizzically, Mike lifting his head with pieces of the quesadilla falling to his plate.

“Mike is gonna blow the bathroom to bits.” She continued with a laugh.

“You’re damn right I am.” Mike retorted, flicking food at her.

Soon the conversation moved to reminiscing how Jaime destroyed the bathroom on the tour bus just this past tour. Of course we took that opportunity to rag on his smelly ass feet, too.

Rose and I were left to do the dishes while the guys lounged on the couches in the den watching TV.

“Why thank you for the meal, Master Chef Fuentes.” Rose said playfully, bumping me with her hip as she slid next to me to help me with the dishes in the sink.

“Second calling, y’know?” I said, winking at her.

“A rockstar chef … I can dig it.”

For whatever reason, I was suddenly hit with the realization that Rose had absolutely no clue why I acted the way I did the day of my accident. She had no idea about anything. She’s never questioned me, and I’m just realizing. I haven’t explained myself to the one single person that deserves so much more than an explanation. She deserved to know. She deserved to know everything.

“Let’s go to the beach tonight.” I said, completely breaking away from the conversation.

Her eyes lit up, I know how much she loved the beach at night.

“Hell yeah! It’s fucking amazing at night.” She said excitedly.

By the time we finished the dishes, it was long after the sun had set. Jaime and Tony had said their goodbyes for the night, and Mike made plans to see Frenchy for a bit. Rose and I had the place to ourselves tonight.

Rose’s POV:

Vic and I stepped out the door into a chilly San Diego night. I had on one of Vic’s sweatshirts, which is entirely to big for me, it practically swallowed my arms. He took my hand in his a tugged me in the direction of the beach, which was only a few minute’s walk away.

Vic drew in a deep breath of the cool air and let it escape his lungs. He turned to me with a small smile on his face, his eyes holding mine ever so graciously as I’ve come to love.

I giggled, not being able to do much else. Vic gave me butterflies with just him looking at me like that. I always feel like a little girl when he looks at me like that.

“You’re adorable.” He muttered while pulling me under his arm into a hug.

I gladly welcomed his warm hug, smiling into his sweatshirt and still giggling. I took the moment to inhale his soft scent that always made me feel so secure.

I don’t know what it is about him, but Vic’s arms and his scent make me feel so protected. I’ve craved that feeling all my life, and here it was in this long-haired, goofy, rockstar. I was really beginning to think the feeling didn’t even exist until he came along.

Even still, knowing the risks of becoming so attached to someone, I felt so safe. The last thing I wanted for Vic to do was hurt me, but this feeling I get from him … he can break my heart over and over again if I get to feel the bliss I’m feeling now.

We’d finally made our way to the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore filling our ears and the salty aroma overtaking our noses.

I smiled looking up at the gorgeous moon that shone over the water, scattering the light in the most amazing way.

“This is literally perfect.” I uttered, turning to Vic. “Literally, everything I love about the sea is happening right now, minus the surfing.” I said with a laugh.

“It’s gorgeous…” He said in a dumbfounded manner.

“You know, I’ve never taken the time to actually come out her at night like this.” He continued.

“It’s everything to me,” I started, pulling him down to sit next to me in the sand. “Sometimes I wish I could just pull my mattress out here and never leave.” I said, laughing.

Vic chuckled and nudged me with his knee, obviously still taking in the scenery. His eyes were awe-struck. I leaned my head on his shoulder, looking out as far as my eyes might, relaxing my body into the sound of the waves.

Vic drew in another deep breath and turned to me.

“Rose, there’s a lot to be said.”

I lifted my head and turned to meet his eyes that were filled with what I could make out to be a web of tangled thoughts.

“Spill,” I said softly.

“I owe you an explanation of everything. And most importantly, an apology.” He went on.
I turned my body entirely to him and folded my legs crisscross and he did the same, as I reached to hold his hand.

“You don’t owe me anything, really. But if you need to talk, you know I’m here to listen.”

“No, Rose. I do. Truly. I really want to express my deepest apologies for bolting out on you that day… Not a day goes by that I beat myself up for that. I shouldn’t have pushed you as hard as I did, nor should I have just left you high and dry like that ... Maybe if I’d just listened to you trying to help me I wouldn’t have even had the accide-”

“Stop,” I said cutting him off. “Look at me, Vic.” He raised his eyes to meet mine once more.

“Don’t ever dwell on that. Don’t ever look back at what could’ve been that day. What’s done is done, and that’s that. You have to remember to live for now, and learn from the past. It’s nearly impossible to learn without fucking up in one way or another. So, I want nothing more than for you to be happy to just be breathing. Appreciate the air in your lungs … appreciate the blood pumping through your veins. You’re alive, Vic, and that’s all that matters. There will never be enough time in this world for you to dwell on things like that. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel sad or whatever else you’re feeling, because at the end of the day, pain is beautiful in the most bittersweet way. Happiness wouldn’t even be worth it if we’ve never felt pain. Don’t ever forget that, Vic. For your own sake, live for now, and nothing else.”

I felt that I had just lectured him, but those were my honest feelings, coming from someone that’s also had their fair share of pain in their life.

He pulled me into a sloppy hug, not able to say anything.