Clarity.

Vic's POV:

My head was spinning. I can't believe I was able to gather myself and even go in for the kiss. My heart thumped loudly as I leaned forward, preparing for a tidal wave of feelings. I'd been dying to kiss Rose. I'd been dying to have her closer.

The kiss was everything I could have ever hoped for. I stared into those eyes I knew I could never forget, the suns of her eyes completely entrancing me. Her skin was so soft and smooth when I held her cheek in my hand. Color flooded her cheeks as I ran my thumb over the apple of her cheek, admiring the faint freckles that lay upon her skin. Her soft, pink lips were plump and touched mine in a way I could never describe.

Her touch was innocent and enthralling all the same. Our lips locked and I wished for the moment to never end. I wanted everything. I wanted her closer. I needed her closer. I wrung my fingers in her messy, chocolate hair and begged for her to be closer. She wrapped her arms over my shoulders and her body fell into mine. Her touch made the hairs on the back of my neck stand and goosebumps flooded the surface of my skin. She sent shivers down my spine and made my stomach do somersaults. Each second she allowed me to explore her wonderland made me pull her tighter to me.

I wanted her. I wanted all of her. I wanted to give her all the passion in the world. I wanted to hear her moan. I wanted her to leave scars on my back. I wanted to make her scream.

But that thought shook me back to reality, and I pulled away, staring back into the eyes I almost regret ever leaving to begin with. I couldn't have sex with Rose. It was all too soon. I wanted to keep her around much longer than only fucking her would keep her.

"I've been dying to do that," I admitted in a low voice, still entranced by her eyes.

She nervously dropped her eyes, her cheeks still flushing. I reached for her chin so that my eyes could meet hers again.

"You're so beautiful, Rose. I'm really glad to be where I am right now. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I know that you're something special & I've got to have you as a part of my life one way or another."

She continued staring into my eyes, and she looked like she didn't know what to say.

"When I saw you on the beach, I swear I've never seen a more beautiful pair of eyes. I couldn't bring myself to stop staring. Your eyes seemed to grab everything in me and I knew from that second on that I'd never forget those eyes. My gut was screaming at me to do something. Your eyes were all I could think about and I couldn't believe I let you walk away, but I'm so glad I found you, Rose. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't."

A smile spread over her face.
“Thank you Vic. That honestly means so much to me …” She said in a soft voice, trailing off.

“I’ve never really had these emotions before, so forgive me for being hesitant about things. I’m trying to figure myself out in the process here.” She finally continued.

I assured her that everything was fine and that there was nothing more I could expect of her. But after kissing her, I knew it was time for her to meet the guys. Sure we weren’t official, but I think it’s about that time.

“I don’t want to mess up our bum day, but would you like to meet the guys? The band, I mean. I’ve been dying to introduce you to everybody.” I said nervously.

Her eyes lit up and a smile returned to her face. “I’d love to, Vic! Let me go get dressed!” She hurried off and ran a shower, and I chuckled at her excitement.

My phone buzzed in my pocket with a message from Mike. I fished it out of the pocket of my shorts and unlocked it, revealing a message I didn’t want to believe.

I know you’re with Rose right now but … Cara is here.

My heart sunk to my feet. What could she possibly be there for? She’s making moving forward that much more difficult for me. My breath caught in my throat and the world seemed to melt around me. What is going on right now?

Rose returned to the den with a smile wearing a beautiful and simple mint colored dress with her hair lazily hanging about her shoulders. She looked so effortlessly stunning.

“Ro-”

“What’s the matter? You don’t look so good, Vic.” She said in a concerned voice, cutting me off.

I didn’t have enough time to gather myself after reading Mike’s message.

“I-I … Rose. I’m about to sound like such an asshole but I can’t do this right now. I can’t even brea-” I stuttered out, running my words together. I stood up too quickly and my vision blurred as my heart seemed to stamp louder and louder. My ears rang with nervousness and my stomach tied itself in knots, making me nauseous.

She titled her head at me and squinted her eyes, unsure of what to do. She made her way toward me and steadied my trembling limbs, and begged me to tell her what was wrong. I couldn’t even speak. I rudely excused myself out of the front door, leaving her in her den with a hurt look on her face. She hurried after me only to find me spilling my guts into the grass near my parked car.

She loudly called my name just as I shut the door of my car and revved up my engine. I wasn’t thinking straight but I knew I was treating Rose terribly right now, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. My mind was elsewhere right now. I didn’t give a fuck right now. I would deal with it later.

I raced back to my place, running red lights and stop signs without a care in the world. My mind was racing a million miles a second. My vision was crisp, the adrenaline continuing to pump loudly behind my ears making them ring. My heart beat so hard and so fast it hurt.

I drew in a deep breath at the sight of her car in my driveway. I missed seeing it there. But this was all wrong.

The front door flew open, and her eyes met mine as I shut the door of my car.

She had an expression on her face that I can’t describe.

Honestly all I wanted to do was run to her and take her up in my arms the way I used to. I wanted to squeeze her and never let her go. I wanted to kiss her the way I used to. But my eyes fell to her growing belly and a tear stung my eyelid, threatening to spill over the brim.

I was frozen in place at my car, so she strode over to me.

“Hi, Vic.” She said in her soft voice, breaking the seemingly eternal silence. I’d been practically dying to hear that voice again, let alone say my name. Fucking hell, I couldn’t get control of myself.

My breath had yet to return to my lungs, so no words left my mouth. All I could do was stare with a downturned expression.

She hesitantly reached for my hand, holding it in hers. I desperately itched to snatch it back from her, but I restrained myself. What is she doing? I’m trying to forget all of this and she’s making things so much fucking worse. I know I can’t have her back, which explains my fury at the moment. I wanted to yell at her for being here. Why the fuck is she torturing me like this?

“You could say something, Vic.”

“I … I don’t know what to say, Cara.” I said in a trembling voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Look, Vic.” She said with a sigh. She uncomfortably shifted her weight to her left leg and piercingly stared into my eyes.

Why is she doing this to me? Why?!

“ I know I really have no business being here. But you know I love you, Vic.”

The gaping hole in my chest ached more than it ever had before. I miss when those three words were said in the right situation. But right now, this was all wrong. Everything was wrong. I mentally spat at her for saying those words. How could she lie to me like this?

“I have something to tell you.”

Here we go again.

I remember the first time those words left her lips. That was the day my heart was ripped right out of my chest. It made me sick just to think about it. But that day played over and over in my head when she said those words. I can’t believe she’s thrown me away.

“Vic, I need you to look at me.” My eyes had fallen from hers to the ground as that memory played a thousand times in my head. I raised my eyes back to hers.

“I know I’ve hurt you in the worst way possible, Vic. I’d do anything in this world to take it back, and you know that.”

Oh, really? Did I really know that? Well I bet you weren’t thinking about that the day you laid in his bed and let him fuck you. I bet you weren’t thinking about how you’d get pregnant, no longer allowing you to lie to me. So honestly, I don’t fucking believe that. I don't believe anything you fucking say! I wanted to scream all those words at her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so.

“I can’t bear not having you as a part of my life, Vic. I can never forget the friendship we had, no matter what. So what I’m asking if for you to hear me out, okay?”

I slowly nodded my head, mentally flipping tables in my mind. I could explode with anger at this very second, but I kept my composure.

“I want to do what’s right for this baby, Vic, even if that means compromising all of our emotions. This baby deserves an amazing life, and there’s nothing I won’t do to make sure of that.”

Where is she going with this? The wind blew her bangs from her face, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“I’ve decided to marry him, Vic. It’s what’s best for the baby.”

My knees grew weak and I wanted to hop back into my car, drive away and never come back. Hell, I wanted to drive right off of a bridge. I just wanted to be anywhere but here. Why is she doing this to me?

“I know it’s hard, but it must be done. But ... I need your friendship back, Vic. I don’t think I could live without it.”

How the fuck could she expect that of me? Does she really want me to sit here and watch her marry the father of the child she’s carrying that should be mine, if anything? You said what about us, well what about me?*** She was being so selfish.

I angrily ripped my hands away from hers. Why is she being so unfair? Why can’t she go on with her life like I’m starting to do?

“I need some time, Cara. I can’t do this right now.”

“I understand.” She said in a low voice. She looked at me one last time, with a look showing that she regretted even telling me.

I angrily glared back at her. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I just needed to forget everything. I swear it was like she just reached for what’s left of my heart and stomped on it just like she had before. How could I let her do this to me? I let out a frustrated huff and quickly turned away from her and went into my house. I was done staring at her. I wanted her gone. I couldn’t bear to look at her any longer.

I loudly opened the front door and slammed it behind me. I looked up to see Mike staring at me with wide, worried eyes. My rage took over my body, making me tremble with each large breath I drew in. Then everything became a blur.

I was trashing the place, throwing picture frames, knocking over furniture, cursing at the top of my lungs in a loud raspy voice.

Mike yelled back at me, trying to get me under control, but there was nothing he could do. He tried to restrain me from breaking anything else but I swung at him, punching him in his chest, which brought a shocked expression to his face. We stared at each other for a moment, my hand dripping with blood from destroying a glass vase that once rested on the coffee table, only the sound of our labored breathing penetrating the air around us.

I tightened my lips into a flat line and went back out the front door, not bothering to look back at Mike. I heard his clumsy footsteps chase after me as I neared my car. I angrily got into my car and sped away from Mike who was shouting at me from the driveway into the darkness that had fallen, with my eyes intently fixed on the road before me. I reached under the passenger seat, finding my stash of whiskey. I messily gulped it down as my hair clung to my sweaty face and neck. It stung my throat as I flew through traffic lights, making the world around me a blur, and my anger still remained pounding through my veins.

I couldn’t loosen my grip on the neck of the whiskey bottle, nor could I lighten the heaviness of my right foot over the car’s gas pedal. But I didn’t care.