Diamond in the Rough

A glass of wine and a movie entices Fiona as she grabs the bag of groceries from the passenger seat, abandoning the suggestion of a movie. It's gone nine-thirty and the plan to cook a nutritious meal is put on a back burner as another wave of exhaustion hits her. She just wants to go to bed, pull the covers over head and sleep for a month, but she realises that's not going to happen as soon as she's over the door. Jem is sitting at the kitchen table with an almost empty bottle of scotch. He's drunk and she's too tired to be disappointed. But at the same time she's proud of him for not bringing drugs into her house. He respects that, which at first had surprised her, but he had given her his word and stuck to it.

As Fiona removes her coat a strangled sob makes her turn quickly to see Jem cradling his head in his hands. She goes to him and kneels at the side of him,wrapping her arms around him. His whole body is shaking against her.

"What's happened?" She pleads.

He pulls away from her, resting his elbows on the table. He rubs his eyes and nose with the back of his hand. Fiona wonders if he's just drank too much and his emotions have boiled over. It's no surprise he's been trying to block everything out and he is the way he is sometimes.

"Jem?" She pulls up a chair and reaches for the roll of kitchen paper. He roughly dabs his eyes, sucking on his quivering bottom lip."What's upset you?"

"Everybody knows" his head lowers as the tears cascade down his cheeks, his shoulders hunched."They all know."

"How do they know?" She asks softly, rubbing his upper back in soft circles.

"Des was drunk and told everyone in the bar." Jem swallows the dregs of his glass and let's out a soft sigh."I can't live with this"

Something clicks in Fiona's head as Jem springs up from his seat and she follows him.

"Where are you going? Jem, talk to me." Fiona says, trying to hold onto his arm.

She doesn't like the glint that has formed in his eyes, pure self-hate and self-loathing. He's got that crazy look about him.

"I should have..."Jem's voice strains under emotion as he leans against the wall in the hallway.

"You should have what?"

"I should have ate my gun" He whispers, sliding down the wall as he sobs into his hands. Crying herself, Fiona wraps her arm around his shoulders and strokes his hair as his head falls to her chest.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that" Fiona cries."If you did I never would have met you."

"You deserve someone who will treat you right"

"You do treat me right,Jem. What makes you think that you don't?"

"'Cause I'm fuckin' like this."He shifts to look at her."I'm a-"

"You're a good guy,Jem. I've never felt like this about anyone before, but I need you to promise me something" She licks her lips.

He nods, calmer and suddenly a bit more sober than he was when she had come home.

"I need you to promise you won't do anything stupid. You need to promise me that you won't hurt yourself"

"I promise"he says, softly."I just...I'm scared of losing you."

"You will never lose me" She strokes his cheek and kisses him softly on the lips."Ever"

After sobering up and talking things through, both Fiona and Jem felt a lot better about things. She had suggested some kind of counselling to help deal with the substance abuse and how he felt in general, specifically about the attacks in prison. Fiona kisses his bare chest and hears a content sigh escape his lips. They had made love furiously in the hallway and again in the bedroom. Now, they are in bed and exhausted. She moves as he reaches to grab his discarded jeans on the floor.

"What are you doing?" She asks as she pulls the covers over her exposed chest, glancing curiously as he hides whatever he has retrieved from his pants.

He turns onto her side so he is facing her, propping himself up on his elbow.

"You mean everything to me and I would be a crazy to blow it. I love you"

Fiona giggles at his sudden romantic gesture."I love you too"

"I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm sorry I've been an asshole."

"You're not an asshole. A little crazy, maybe" she laughs as he pecks her on the lips.

"I was..wondering if you'd make an honest man out of me"

Fiona looks at him, unsure what kind of joke he's trying to pull.

"Are you-" She is gobsmacked, completely speechless as Jem produces the engagement ring.

"Oh my God" She gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth."Are you serious?"

"Course I am" he grins."Will you?"

"Of course I will. Yes. Yes" She screams and kisses him on the mouth as he slides the ring onto her finger.

"Even with all my shit?"

"I love you and it's not because I feel sorry for you. I genuinely love you"