I'll Never Be Good Enough

"Jack, wake up, we're at your house." Someone said, shaking my shoulder.

"No..." I muttered, burying my head into the warm crook of neck I was resting on.

"Jack, come on." They said from near my head.

I cracked an eye open to find Alex's face right next to mine, with a warm smile on his.

"Don't want to. Warm and comfy here." I protested weakly, snuggling further in.

"Jack. Move. Now." That was Matt.

I got up, grumbling, "Fine, fine. Evil people." I glared at Matt and Alex before going into the back of the tour bus to collect my things. I walked back to the front of the bus, with my bag in my hand.

"See you." I said.

"Bye Jack!" Alex called.

I stepped out into the cold air and then the bus drove off.

I went into my house and turned the lights on. I noticed that there was pile of clean washing next to the sofa.

"Thanks Mum." I muttered, walking to the stairs. I stripped off my skinny jeans and JAGK t-shirt and went to bed.

I snuggled under my covers, my eyes slipping shut as I fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello Jack."

Go away.

"Your precious Alex isn't here to help you sleep and protect you from me." The voice whispered in my ear.

I know, but I can protect myself you know.

"No you can't. You see you're already picking up your blade, admiring it."

I'm not, I'm just moving out of my way.

"So you are afraid that you'll cut again. That's why you're moving it. Think about it Jack, you deserve this, the pain and then the relief after the pain. Remember it. You're ugly and useless, I'm surprised Alex has put up with you for so long." The voice said seductively.

Maybe he's right, I am ugly and useless. Maybe I  should cut again, for the relief.

But Alex... I can't upset him, I can't. I felt tears leaking out of my eyes and running down my cheeks.

"Just cut Jack, it'll make everything better."

I reached for my iPhone that was on my bedside table and pressed speed-dial. I tried to control the sobbing that had overtook me, but failed.

"Well, what do you expect? You are a failure."

"Jack?" Alex's sleepy voice came through the speaker of my phone.

"Alex, I-I-I n-need you. Come o-o-o-over." I managed to say through my tears.

"Jack, are you crying?"

"Hic! Yeah. Just come over. Please." I pleaded. I didn't want to be alone in case the voice came back.

"Ok."

Shakily, I reached for the lamp and turned it on, lighting up the bedroom. I stayed curled up under the covers, sobbing quietly.

"Jack? Where are you?" I heard Alex's voice call upstairs.

I attempted to wipe away my tears before Alex came into my bedroom. He stood in the doorway.

"Alex, please. Come here." I whispered, my voice horse from crying.

"Jack, why are crying?" He asked, walking over and sitting next to me.

"H-h-he came back and tried to make me cut Alex. He told me I was useless and ugly. And I almost did." I said, muffling my sobs in his shoulder.

I felt his hands rub circles on my back, comforting me.

"Hush, hush Jack. I'm here now. He won't come back, trust me." Alex  murmured in my ear.

After ten minutes, my sobs lessened and I pulled away from his warm shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"What for Jack?" Alex asked, stretching his arms.

I tried to ignore that strip of smooth skin that was visible just under his t-shirt.

"For waking you up and come over here at," I checked my phone, "three in the morning."

"It's cool. Shall we get some sleep?"

I nodded. I pulled the covers up to my chin, trying not to stare as Alex took his sweatpants off and his t-shirt, leaving him in only his boxers. Mmm...

He crawled into bed and snuggled into me, so his head was resting on my shoulder and his arm looped over my bate stomach. That sent pleasant shivers through my body.

"What's the matter?" Alex said indistinctly, as his face was pressed into my shoulder.

"Uh, nothing." I lied.