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Sophmore Slump or Comeback of The Year?
I can't tell you when it exactly happened, what day, what trimester. I'm sure it was the first one, but I can't even remember my classes all that well. This was so long ago, it seems. All I know is that I soon found myself giving Zappa extra glances, rushed smiles, blushes, the first signs of some small crush. It was the fact that he was attractive, and why have I not noticed this creature before type thought process. The medium dark hair, blue eyes, short (like me, I'm only 5 foot), and he was built pretty nice. Not thin, not fat, but built. It wasn't a big deal, I just thought he was cute, that I wouldn't mind being around him after school or such. Soon all of the other students began to warm up to him, not all, but most.
My friend Kayla never truly liked him; "He just seems like a jerk," she would say.
I didn't voice my opinion about him until later, because I figured that it would be spread around. The last thing I wanted was more drama for me. He was around in Science and Math, and of course we would see him around in the hallways. I never really talked to him, but I always eavsdropped on anyone talking to him. I realized his smile was killer, his laugh was infectious, and he seemed to have a "Fuck the world" type attitude. The look-factor crush soon turned into a full blown crush, with me now batting my eyelashes at the mention of him and probably staring a bit too long.
We always loved it if a teacher was absent, especially if it was our math or science teachers. The other teacher helper we had, Mrs. Opat, was a pushover, (and really, still is), and Zappa was someone mostly everyone by now respected. I started noticing little things about how he acted; such as I was allowed to get away with more than others. The best example I can remember would be one day in math class, again, I have no clue what trimester this was, and our teacher was out either due to pregnancy leave or just not feeling well. Anywho, I sat by my friend, Danielle C., and we both were in a "fuck this shit" type of mood. She was coloring something, and I was doing god knows what. When Zappa passed us, he told Danielle to put the drawing away, and get to work. I was sitting there, not doing a thing, and he just looked at me. He never said a word.
"Why didn't he say anything to you?" I remember Danielle asking.
I shrugged, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "I can get away with anything," I replied.
I was right, too. While leaning back and staring up at the lights, wondering why I was here, Zappa probably passed me about two times, and once even walked right behind me; between my table and the one behind me. Never said one word to me, never told me to get back to work. I soon began to wonder if he liked me...
Of course, that thought just made everything worse, I couldn't sleep well at night and I was distracted with my work. I was already an emotional wreck, having major depression and anxiety, but now having a crush on someone? Oh, I knew how wrong it was, and I tried talking myself out of it. I hated myself some days for it, but he just seemed so perfect. I had a somewhat breakdown one day in that year, I was sent out in the hallway by my math teacher for drawing. While I was out there, Zappa must have walked past my notebook, and saw the writings of suicide. While sitting out there, I watched him walk out, gone for maybe two minutes, and then tell me that I needed to go up to the counsilor. I never realized until later that he went up there after seeing my writings. That was the day that I fell head over heels, I had my head so far up my ass at this point that all I saw was perfect. I was sure I couldn't like this man anymore than I have so far.
I had another breakdown that same year, and had to take a week off under suicide watch. It wasn't pretty, and no one seemed to really mourn my absence. You could say I was more than upset when I came back after that week and no one really questioned me. I had to get caught up in math, so Barefoot assigned Zappa to help me one day. I was nervous as hell; we sat out in the hallway for awhile, but had to go into a room because of some loud mouth trouble maker starting shit with Opat in the hall. We left the door open, I remember being grateful for that, I felt like I was dying, but soon had to shut it. It's funny, how clear I remember the moment of us being distracted, looking at each other for a minute before he got up and said,
"Yeah, let's just close the door." He knew that I was being distracted, and so was he.
It was that moment that I cherished, not just because it was amusing, I remember him muttering about "she's pissed," and how I never had a teacher swear around me. I figured he was comfortable around me, and it made my whole year. I was more than happy about that, and would replay the scene over and over in the coming year. Over our Spring Break I soon realized that this was more than a crush, that I was surely in love with this man. He was perfect.
Then I found out he was leaving us to teach the underclassmen.
My friend Kayla never truly liked him; "He just seems like a jerk," she would say.
I didn't voice my opinion about him until later, because I figured that it would be spread around. The last thing I wanted was more drama for me. He was around in Science and Math, and of course we would see him around in the hallways. I never really talked to him, but I always eavsdropped on anyone talking to him. I realized his smile was killer, his laugh was infectious, and he seemed to have a "Fuck the world" type attitude. The look-factor crush soon turned into a full blown crush, with me now batting my eyelashes at the mention of him and probably staring a bit too long.
We always loved it if a teacher was absent, especially if it was our math or science teachers. The other teacher helper we had, Mrs. Opat, was a pushover, (and really, still is), and Zappa was someone mostly everyone by now respected. I started noticing little things about how he acted; such as I was allowed to get away with more than others. The best example I can remember would be one day in math class, again, I have no clue what trimester this was, and our teacher was out either due to pregnancy leave or just not feeling well. Anywho, I sat by my friend, Danielle C., and we both were in a "fuck this shit" type of mood. She was coloring something, and I was doing god knows what. When Zappa passed us, he told Danielle to put the drawing away, and get to work. I was sitting there, not doing a thing, and he just looked at me. He never said a word.
"Why didn't he say anything to you?" I remember Danielle asking.
I shrugged, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "I can get away with anything," I replied.
I was right, too. While leaning back and staring up at the lights, wondering why I was here, Zappa probably passed me about two times, and once even walked right behind me; between my table and the one behind me. Never said one word to me, never told me to get back to work. I soon began to wonder if he liked me...
Of course, that thought just made everything worse, I couldn't sleep well at night and I was distracted with my work. I was already an emotional wreck, having major depression and anxiety, but now having a crush on someone? Oh, I knew how wrong it was, and I tried talking myself out of it. I hated myself some days for it, but he just seemed so perfect. I had a somewhat breakdown one day in that year, I was sent out in the hallway by my math teacher for drawing. While I was out there, Zappa must have walked past my notebook, and saw the writings of suicide. While sitting out there, I watched him walk out, gone for maybe two minutes, and then tell me that I needed to go up to the counsilor. I never realized until later that he went up there after seeing my writings. That was the day that I fell head over heels, I had my head so far up my ass at this point that all I saw was perfect. I was sure I couldn't like this man anymore than I have so far.
I had another breakdown that same year, and had to take a week off under suicide watch. It wasn't pretty, and no one seemed to really mourn my absence. You could say I was more than upset when I came back after that week and no one really questioned me. I had to get caught up in math, so Barefoot assigned Zappa to help me one day. I was nervous as hell; we sat out in the hallway for awhile, but had to go into a room because of some loud mouth trouble maker starting shit with Opat in the hall. We left the door open, I remember being grateful for that, I felt like I was dying, but soon had to shut it. It's funny, how clear I remember the moment of us being distracted, looking at each other for a minute before he got up and said,
"Yeah, let's just close the door." He knew that I was being distracted, and so was he.
It was that moment that I cherished, not just because it was amusing, I remember him muttering about "she's pissed," and how I never had a teacher swear around me. I figured he was comfortable around me, and it made my whole year. I was more than happy about that, and would replay the scene over and over in the coming year. Over our Spring Break I soon realized that this was more than a crush, that I was surely in love with this man. He was perfect.
Then I found out he was leaving us to teach the underclassmen.