Everything We Had

I was slowly woken by the gentle vibrations from my phone buzzing under my pillow. I kept my eyes shut, not yet ready for the light as I blindly searched for my phone. Finally just before it rung out I answered, still half asleep.

“Hello?” I said still drowsy.

“Jack?” The voice screeched from the other end. I silently groaned, not wanting her to hear.

“Hey babe” I said trying to sounds cheerful and avoid an argument.
“Why did it take you so long to answer?” She questioned.
“I was asleep?” I said in a duh tone. As if she couldn’t already tell by my voice.
“It’s 1pm. Why are you still asleep? Did you go out last night?”
“Nope”
“You’re lying. You probably went to some club with the guys and” She continued to make up a story about how I cheated on her last night, which was far from the truth.

“Amber!” I shouted trying to get her to shut up. “For the thousandth fucking time I didn’t cheat on you. Last night I played a show like I do every night. Then came back onto the bus sat up and watched a movie with Alex. Then went to sleep. No I did not go out. And no I didn’t not fuck some random.” I had given the same speech at least 6 times in the past month. I was well past over it. “Oh and I also took a shit, happy? Now you know everything.” Amber hung up on me like I knew she would. She hated when I was sarcastic or tried to joke around with her. She was more of the serious type. Actually she was more of the bitch type.

I sighed as I untangled myself from the sheets. I had been awake for a total of seven minutes and had already had an argument with my girlfriend. Great start. I made a loud thud as my feet fit the bus floor from the top bunk. I walked out to the front of the bus to see Alex sitting at the small table alone. I walked over and collapsed on him and sighed dramatically.

“Amber?” Alex asked knowingly, closing whatever he was doing on his phone to listen to me.
“Yep.” Alex patted my head like a dog before pushing me off his shoulder.
That’s the best and worst thing about being best friends with Alex. He could read me like a book. He knew when I was actually upset or if I was just moody. He could tell exactly when I needed someone to talk to or when I just needed to be left alone. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember and have only ever had one major fight. Yeah we bicker like siblings but that never really matters. At the end of the day he’s my best friend. Nothing will change that. Not any girl.

“What’d you do this time?”

“The usual. I didn’t answer my phone on the first ring so I’m obviously cheating.” Alex sighed knowing exactly what I was going through. He had been through his fair share of paranoid girlfriends.
“Dude just end it already. You’ve only been dating her for two months and she acts like you’re married. Do you even like her anyway?” I thought about it for a second before I realised I really didn’t. I actually sort of hated her.

“Nope but she’s good in the sack.” Alex just rolled his eyes before pushing me towards my bunk.

“We have soundcheck in twenty minutes. Get ready or matt will cry.”

“Fine” I said walking away.

I walked over to the spare bunk Alex and myself shared. I kept most of my clothes here as well as some other crap I really didn’t need. As I sorted through the mess I found what a hoped to be a clean grey top and a pair of black skinny jeans. My usual attire. I quickly got changed before going to fix my hair.

As I was taking my morning pee, Vinny our merch guy came into the bathroom looking for his razor. I didn’t really mind but the lack of privacy was getting on my nerves. It always did towards the end of a tour.

I was in need of some serious alone time. Living on a bus with like 15 guys for most of the year doesn’t really allow that. We were now just outside of New York. We had been on this tour for the past month or so. It was to promote our lasted album, Dirty Work. Our last two shows were in New York and then we had three weeks off. Thank the lord.

I grabbed my phone and wallet from my bunk and went to wait in the front lounge for everybody else. Like usual Alex was the last to be ready so I agreed to wait for him. Ten minutes after everyone else we showed up to soundcheck.

I walked over and picked up one of my guitars to tune. I sat there idly just strumming the strings not really doing much. I don’t really understand why I go to soundcheck. I never do anything. I stopped strumming when I felt my phone vibrate.

I took out my phone out of my pocket and saw I had three unread messages. All from Amber. One said she hated me and two said she was sorry and loved me. Whatever. I couldn’t be bothered to deal with her shit right now so I put my phone away. I stood up and placed my guitar on the stand before making my way out of the venue.

Alex was right. I think it was time to say goodbye to Amber. It’s not like I really liked her anyway. I was only with her because she was the opposite of her. Amber was a dull, cold hearted, insecure brunette. Everything that she wasn’t. Amber was just like every other girl I have dated over the past five years.

I was about walk out the door when i heard the familiar sturmming pattern of a song I’ve heard too many times. I stood frozen on the spot. I knew what it was about even thought Alex always denied it. There was nothing else it could be about.

“I don’t mean to be a bother but have you seen this girl.”

It’s been four years but this song still has the same effect on me like the first time I heard it. The past five years were everything I have ever wanted minus the girl. The band had become extremely successful, more successful than we ever thought we would. I was able to travel the world with my three best friends playing for people that adored our music. The only problem was I had no one to share the joy.

‘I’m not coming back, I’ve done something so terrible”

I turned back to watch Alex, he was starring at me. He was doing this on purpose. That prick. I stormed out of the venue, slamming to door behind me before the final verse could be sung. I was ran to the bus, not wanting to run into anyone. It had been five fucking years! Why wasn’t I over it already.

I opened the bus door and went straight to the back room, locking the door behind me. I sat on the couch with my head in my hands.

“It was one girl. One fucking girl.” I muttered to myself.

I squeezed my eyes shut, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall. My phone started ringing in my pocket. I was going to ignore it but some part of me thought it could be her. She could be calling to patch things up. We could mend the relationship and get it back to what it was. That part of me was fucking stupid but I went to check anyway.

It was Amber. I screamed in frustration as i threw my phone to the ground, immediately regretting it but leaving it there. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her.

I didn’t even fucking like her. I only liked one girl and she made it pretty clear I can’t have her. I just date the gross ones because they can’t possibly remind me of her.

The girls I’ve dated nothing compared to her. She’s the one no one is allowed to speak of on the bus. She’s the one that broke my heart. She’s the one that crushed all my hopes and dreams of love. She’s the one that made me a cynic.

She’s the one that I still and always will love.