It All Comes Back in Flashes

~Ben's P.O.V.~

But instead I'm here drowning in my own fucking mind,
And I'll be damned if you're the death of me.

Months went by and I still haven't forgive Danny and I only talked to him when it was necessary.
I tried to avoid any contacts with him.
He told me,he will visit me everyday,so he did...
I couldn't really avoid him,but I tried to...

~Flashback~

On that day,Danny stormed into my apartment and approached me from behind,pulling me into a tight hug.
-Guess,Who I am!-He whispered into my ear.
-Get the fuck off.-I said in a cold tone
-No,that's not my name!-He teased
I just sighed,and tried to get him off of me.
-Take a seat and you can stay for diner.-I said,as I continued preparing the food,with Danny's arms still around me.
-I said,take a seat,Daniel.
-Please,I'm trying to make the meal.
-Can I help you?-He asked with a wide smile on his face.
-Yeah,you can make the steak. I will make the vegetables and the smashed potato. Okay?
-Alright.-He responded,still smiling,then started to prepare the meat.
I was almost done with everything.
I let out a heavy sigh and just watched,Danny,he really tried to make things right. I kinda felt sorry for him.
-I'm done!-I exclaimed,then plopped down to the couch.
-Okay,it will take time to finish the steak.
-I'm starving!-I cried out,as I rubbed my stomach.
-Hang on,Benji!
When Danny was done,we started to eat.
I didn't said a word and he just kept on talking to me.
-I love you... I really do.-He said suddenly
I almost choked when I heard it.
-Are you okay?-He asked with concern in his voice.
I took a several gulps of water,then looked up to his face.
-Yeah,I'm okay...-I whispered,my voice was shaky...
I looked down at my plate,just the sight of his face made me sick in the stomach. I tried to finish my meal.
-I'm sorry...-I mumbled,then ran to the bathroom,I haven't got time to lock the door. I bent over the toilet,shoved my fingers down my throat,everything came out...
I heard a knock on the door,panic rushed through my body.
-Ben... Are you alright?-I heard his concerned voice through the door,then I heard the door open.
I flushed the toilet quickly and tried to get up from the floor...
-What happened?!-He kneeled down beside me.
I just shook my head,to avoid his question.
He grabbed my hand and helped me up.
-Thanks...-I sobbed,burried my face into his shoulder.
-It's okay,baby... It's okay...-He murmured,as he stroked my back.
-Let's take you to your bed,yeah?
I just nodded weakly.
He picked me up and carried me to my bed,then laid me down and pulled the blanket over my body.
-I won't leave you.-He sat down at the edge of the bed.
-I'm fine,you can go home,really.
-No,you aren't. I know there's something,you didn't told me.
My eyes widened. How did he knew?
-You are acting weird,Benji... It's so not alright,you aren't fine...-He explained,swept his ginger locks out of his freckled face. I couldn't help but think,he is so beautiful...
-I know,what's going on with you. But I have no idea,why are you doing this to yourself... Why?-His breathtakingly beautiful eyes stared right into my soul.
-Why are you want to know it? You were the one who put me through so much pain. Remember?-I became furious just at the thought of it.
-I remember. How the hell I couldn't? That's why I am here,to make everything right again. But what happened before?
I chewed at my lower lip,I wasn't ready to tell him...
He let out a sigh,then asked again.
-What happened Ben?
-I can't tell you Dan...-I closed my eyes and tried to hold back my tears.
-Please... Just give it a try...
-I wasn't cheat on you. I was raped.-I said it all to fast,I felt my tears streaming down my face and Danny's arms wrapping around my waist.
-It's all my fault... I was such a dick. How could I be so stupid? How could I ever think that you are cheated on me?
-If I were you,I'd thought the same...-I whispered
-Really?
-Yeah.
-What does it means?-He asked,looking at me with a confused face.
-I still can't forgive you. I'm sorry,Daniel.-I scooted further from him and turned my back to him.
He let out a heavy sigh.
-I understand it. You are just got raped,then there was me...
-I thought,you love me...-I sobbed,still didn't turned to face him.
-I do love you Ben... I always will. I'm unsure about your feelings,I know how you can't forgive me. But... Do you still love me?
I recognized the hurt in his voice and it just made my heart sore.
He put his hand gently on my shoulder.
-I love you,but I can't forgive you.-I said finally
-It's normal...-He said with hurt still in his voice
I just wanted to cuddle to him,bury my face into his chest and tell him,that I'm not mad at him anymore. But I can't,I was still hurt,I was still mad.
-It takes time to heal it.-I whispered,turning to face Danny...
-I know,babe.-He said in a whisper,wrapped his arms around me...
I would break free from his embrace but not now...
-I will show you how sorry I am. I hate myself for it...
-No,don't say it,Dan... Please,don't hate yourself.
-But I do. I'm such a horrible person.
-You aren't...-I sighed
-I am and sorry babe,it will not change. I will always feel like it.
I didn't knew what to say... I just burried my face into his chest and sobbed. His arms got even tighter around me and I felt at home in his arms. We just laid there in silence and I thought about Danny over and over,can I ever forgive him?
-I know you are going through hard times,because of me. I will be there for you,even if you don't want me to be here.
His words made me cry,those were hard times for him too,not just for me... I felt his hand under my shirt as he stroked my back up and down.
I shivered from his touch,how I missed it... It was so gentle and so loving. I just needed somebody to touch me like he did now.
-Now you know,what happened before...-I whispered,looking up to his face. He just nodded and still stroked my back.
-Just sleep,you need it.-He whispered,then closed his eyes.
I closed mine too,after a while I didn't felt his touch anymore,he was fast asleep. I just wished I could fell asleep as fast.
I listened to his breathing as I drifted to sleep too...