Livin' Like a King Someday

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I drove home as fast and cautiously as I could with my vision so blurred from tears. I pulled up to my house and ran inside. I grabbed a roll of paper towels from the kitchen and my first aid kit out of the bathroom.

I went to my room and got out my box full of razors. I had calmed the sobs but tears are still strolling down my cheeks like my eyes were water falls. I slashed my arm probably about 20 times, deeper with each cut. Usually I feel better by now but I just don't.

"WHY THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!" I screamed.

I bled out on my bed. I cleaned up as much of it as I possibly could and wrapped my arm up. I got up to put things back but it was so hard just to walk straight.

'This happened because you're a no good piece of shit Kellin. I told you no one cared anything for you!'

"I already knew she never fucking cared just shut the hell up! She's still my mom!" Great.. I'm fighting out loud with myself.

I walked over to my mom's room locking the door behind me. Still sobbing I looked around. 'I didn't know she hung all these pictures. My dad, Her and I. All of us. All on her wall. Now it's just me.' I went over to her bed and got under the covers secluding myself from anything I could.

"Mommy why...?" I'm hurting.

I sat there crying and screaming at myself for hours.
'I'm such a fuck up.'

I dont know how much more time had passed but I think Vic came home. Someone knocked on the door. 'They heard you Kellin, you never know when to shut the fuck up.' "SHUT UP!"

They knocked again. "Go the fuck away..." I called.

"Kellin, open the door." It was Mike.

"Kellin! Why is your bed covered in blood!?" There's Vic. I still could not stop crying.

I breathed in the scent of my mother still lingering around on the bed. I got up and lost my balance. I fell on my shredded arm which caused me to yelp even louder. I didn't care how stupid I was about to look but I wanted to do this. I stripped down to my boxers and put on my mom's clothes, grabbed a blanket to cuddle with and went to get the door.

Right when I was about to open it, Mike had picked the lock and swung it open. Vic looks so scared.

"Kells.."

I pushed passed him and went back to my room. I layed in my bed breathing my mom.

"Kells what happened? What was on that note??"

It sounded like he was gonna cry too.

I choked on my words between sobs. "It was from my grandma. My mom's been in the hospital and I never knew because the bitch told the doctors she doesn't have kids!"

"Kells, baby, it'll be fine."

"NO it won't!!" I yelled at him. I didn't mean to, I'm just angry. "She was in an accident on friday coming home.

"Kellin we can go see her.." He was crying now.

"No." I looked him straight in the eyes. "You know, this morning we celebrated getting through another month..?" He nodded.

"My mom died today, Vic."