To Be Mortal

warning: some content in this chapter is pretty descriptive; if you are especially squeamish please beware.

I woke in my bed and stare at the concrete wall. Yes, I had many hours to contemplate the mixture that made the walls and floors and had concluded it was concrete. Cement was the stuff they used to make parking lots and sidewalks, right? Or no… Crap. Now I had to rethink the whole thing. I rolled over.

It was early in the morning, I could feel it. Despite the lack of sunlight to avoid in this room; which made it difficult to count the days and keep a regular sleep cycle. My first room had a covered skylight and dim light could be seen, but in here there were no windows at all. It would drive a mortal mad; but me? Not so much.

I got out of the covers and pulled my blouse and jeans over the undergarments I slept in just in time before the good doctor entered the room. “Good morning, Avianna.”

“Dubois.” I nodded, sitting in my chair.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He joked, sitting in his chair.

“Yes, Fancy that.”

“How is your stay with us so far?” He asked.

“I’ve been here for only god knows how long and this is the first time you ask?”

“First time I’ve cared.”

“Oh, you care? You know I marvel at how kind you are.” I sighed, sarcasm hanging in the air as a leaf clutches to a dead tree.

“Why, thank you.” He flipped through notes on a clipboard and ran his finger over a few lines. “I want you to tell me about that day in January 2017.

“I was getting to it.”

“Of course, I was just speeding up the process.”

“My processes work plenty swiftly for your information.” I snapped.

“Which is why I needed speed it up.” He replied tartly. “Now, are we going to do this or not?”

“All right, all right, don’t get your knickers in a knot.” I sighed and tried to pick a point to start at. “I was still with the Russell’s, and my time there was coming to a close... though I ¬¬didn’t know it yet.”



I walked down the hall in my housecoat, stopping and leaning against the cold, solid, strong wall. I pressed my cheek into the wallpaper and sighed. It was January. That meant longer nights and longer searches, but none of it seemed to make a difference. Two and a half months had passed and my hope of finding Jeremy had flickered into less than a dim flame within my chest. I couldn’t feed, I couldn’t sleep. It was like I was dying all over again.

Jason appeared from the other end of the hall, “Hey, Ava, come here!” he said, his expression glowing.

I moaned and slid onto the carpet of the hall, my cheek sliding down. “Not now, can’t you see I’m wallowing in self-pity?”

“Come on!” he took my wrist and helped me up, “I got something that should cheer you up.” He took me into the study where we had set up our less-temporary investigation. Papa Russell sat at the telephone, his eyes glittering as I entered the room.

“Yes, yes of course. Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him we were coming. We want it to be a surprise.” And a pause… “Perfect, thank you.” He hung up and rose with hands shaking in excitement. “We found him! We found him. Jason caught his scent with me while I was on business and I took note of the hotel. It was faint, so we didn’t bother to wake you, but he’s there! We called and there is a tall, pale man there under the name Sam Zusjes. Terrible fake name; could only be Jeremy!”

My heart pounded in my chest and I clutched the sides of my robe, feeling my balance give way. Jason gave a quick gasp and caught me before I could hit the floor. “Really, it’s him? You’re sure?” I looked up to Jason, but he wasn’t smiling. He just nodded, “Yeah, we’re sure.”

I was breathing heavily, woozy and disoriented. I jumped to my feet and ran to my room, running past Jason. I tripped and fell to my knees halfway down the hall and just picked myself up again, soon belly-flopping right onto my bed and starting to sob.

Jason came into my room and frowned, “Aren’t you happy?”

I turned over and look at him with my wet, bright red eyes. “Happy? I-I’m ecstatic! I thought I’d never see him again, b-but…”

I jumped and hugged him, my tears dampening his shirt. He hugged me tight and I felt his chin rest on the top of my head. After a second I pulled away and sat at my vanity, looking at my terribly disgusting completion. “I need to get clean, get pretty! I can’t let Jeremy see me like this!” I grabbed my hairbrush and started stroking. Without a word, Jason slowly walked out from my room.



A couple hours later I was ready. My hair was washed and curled; my face was covered in light blush and blue eyeshadow that highlighted my eyes; all topped off with shiny pink lipgloss.

I was just about ready to leave when I heard a knock on my door. “Just a minute!” I called skipping over to the door. My heart and spirits had lifted and I felt on top of the world. I gave a little twirl even before opening up to see Jason.

“A-Ava… y-you’re beautiful.” He said, voice cracking. He coughed and shook off his dumbfounded look. “Ava, I have something to say.” He began, taking a few steps towards me.

I looked at him confused, “Well, okay…”

He took my hand, treading anxiously on his feet, “I… I…”

“Well spit it out.” I said; my expression soft as I gazed into his face.

“Don’t go to Jeremy.”

“What?!”

“He’s a bastard who doesn’t deserve you.”

My expression didn’t change, “What?!” I repeated.

He took a step closer to me and touched my cheek softly, “Ava, you… you’re so beautiful a-and kind and sweet and innocent a-and overall just a wonderful person. He’s… he doesn’t deserve you.”

“He loves me.”

“I love you!!” Jason shouted, his face sweating intensely, eyes wide and swimming with emotion, “I would treat you right, Ava. I would… I would hold you when you cry a-and laugh at your jokes and take care of you like you deserve to be taken care of!”

“B-but I love him, and he loves me!” was all I could say.

“Really? He loves you? Then why did he make it so hard to find him? Why didn’t he come looking for you?”

“I-I… I… I don’t know but!” I stammered, backing away from him, “He has his reasons.”

“And I guess he’ll have to answer to them.” Jason turned away from me and sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Jason.” I said, guilt clogging my senses. “Jason, wait!”

“No, go!” he said, “Go and you’ll see I’m right.”

I pressed my lips together and watch him storm into his own bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Tears streamed in my eyes but I had to hold them to avoid smudging my mascara. I took a deep breath and tried to push Jason from my mind. It was my duty to be there for Jeremy. I had promised myself to him, hell I died for him. I had to follow through and I couldn’t let anyone get in my way.



The hallway was long and narrow, scents of alcohol, sweat and other rather nasty flavours danced around Jeremy’s warm, familiar one. Though I had not been a vampire when I last saw him, I would know it anywhere. We had slept in the same bed for several years.

My heels clicked on the floor, echoing up and down past each door. In my hand held a small piece of paper with the number 282 written in scribbled handwriting. I stopped and bit my lip, closing my eyes, soaking in every second.

*click* my heels went. I could see what was going to happen; the happiness in his eyes when he finally sees me, the embrace we’ll have. All these weeks will have been worth it just to see his face; all these days alone will fade away.

*click* my heels went. I could taste the cookies I’d bake in the house by the sea we would retreat to. He’d kiss me while we watched the stars on our porch. We’d run down the beach when no one was around and dance in the moonlight, just like in my dreams.

*click* my heels went. I could feel his cold skin on mine as he caresses my arm. He’d be so happy to have his little Ava back again, and we’d never be apart again.

My hands shook as I raised my knuckles to the rusty brass numbers that were loosely screwed to the wood. One, two, three knocks echoed around me. I could hear him, his voice. My face broke into a smile as the door creaked open. My breath quickened and everything seemed to move like paper figurines.

I saw his face, his hair now dyed dark. It complimented him. His eyes were glowing with amusement, but not at me. His face was turned into a gorgeous smirk, his smirk; not the one Jason tried to copy all the time but his. He was looking at something behind him. When he turned to see me though… he changed; his eyes turned from happiness and amusement to confusion and even fear, unhappiness. His smirk turned to a gasp, open wide with either confusion or horror. If possible he turned even paler than normal. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said he saw a ghost.

“Hi, Jeremy.” I said, smiling up at him. I didn’t understand his shock, but I was just happy to see him.

“A-Ava?” his voice said in a rasp, “I-I’m. You! You’re supposed to be… how did you? Why are you…? I thought that I…?”

Then a thin, dark shadow appeared from the lightless apartment. When the light hit her, my heart stopped. It was a woman, a tan skinned woman wearing a white dress shirt that fit her more like a bathrobe than a shirt. She leaned into Jeremy’s side, looking up into him. “Jeremy, baby, come back to bed.” She said in a silky purr, then she turned to me, “Who’s this?” a faceless mannequin silhouette.

I turned to Jeremy for some explanation. He looked back at me with the same, wide, anxious, horrified eyes.

And then my heart died. It was like my skin was turning inside out, pain shot through my veins like lightening from the sky. My lungs collapsed in my chest and I stumbled back, hitting against the wall was a crack. The drywall crumbled around my body frame and dust circled around my face. This was worse than dying.

“Ava, I-I’m…” Jeremy stuttered, taking a step towards me.

I turned away, I didn’t want him… couldn’t stand him. Hatred flowed through my veins more potent than I had ever experienced before, more potent than any emotion I had ever experienced before. I took a few steps away, towards the hall.

“Ava, wait!” Jeremy called.

I shook my head and ran faster. Faster and faster I ran until the world around me was less than a blur. I didn’t pay attention to where I was going, I just ran.

To be honest, I hadn’t understood what all the fuss was about a Vampire’s bloodlust; I mean I had needed blood, yes. I had been drinking packets since I changed but the hunger was the same. It was something that couldn’t be explained with words, but I realized it wasn’t blood that Vampires craved more than anything, it was death. Death and pain to drown out the irrational fury that coursed through our being.

Tears streamed down my eyes and mascara stung my eyes. I stopped running abruptly, rolling into a heap on the pavement. I pulled myself up, thunder pounding overhead. Wisps of rain lightly feel from the heavens and pattered on my shoulders. I was on a less-than-friendly street on the lawn in front of an abandoned house. Most of the windows were totally smashed, but one was only jagged and covered in greenery. I tore away leaves to see my reflection in the dirty glass.

My perfectly curled hair was wet and wild, my clothes were torn and muddy and my eyes… my eyes were deep red, the colour of blood. I wiped my eyes and the black stain that had been melting down my cheek wrapped itself around my eyes, giving them a sunken in look. In fact, I looked dangerous. Sharp, menacing fangs bulged under my lip and I scowled, watching them glint in the faint light. I looked dangerous. I looked frightening. I looked powerful. I knew where I wanted to go.

I came upon a familiar house with a broken screen on the back door and a bent-up old car in the driveway. I walked down the driveway slowly; my shoulders back and chin high. I swung open the door and walked in, shouting loudly, “Daddy, I’m home!”

Footsteps shuffled from the living room and slid to face me. “What the fuck is all this noise?” he saw me and pointed his finger at me, “You!”

“Me.” I growled; my voice distorted, inhuman. I lunged for him and he fell to the ground. I pinned him down firmly, my vampiric strength no match for his drunken ass.

“What the hell are you doing?!” he shouted, the smell of fear mixing in with liquor and brandy.

“Getting even!” I punched him in the gut and felt his body heave with pain. He gave a long howl and I grinned. I had never felt more alive. I had never felt so strong. I had never felt so… hungry. I needed more, more pain. It felt so good.

I stood up and watched him attempt to get to his feet. I kicked him in the ribs and he gave another howl. Then I smiled and slowly walked over to the kitchen, opening the drawer and slowly taking out a long steak knife. Again, slowly I walked over to my crumpled up father.

I leaned over him and tilted my head, feeling my own pain, my own brokenness fade. I took the blade and held it to his sweaty cheek. “Beg.” I snarled, “Beg me for your life.”

He chuckled, crawling out from under me and pushing away my knife. “Why would I do that? You’re still weak and pathetic! You woman never change!” he tried to get up, “Just like your mother, she was weak! And her pathetic friend, that’s why I got you! That’s why I’ll never let you go again!”

I felt it, the hurt and the pain… it was crawling back. I had to keep going. I grabbed his throat and he gasped, I slammed him into the wall and held him there, flashing my knife in front of his eyes. “Hold still, dear.” I turned my focus on my knife and I held it to his cheek once more, this time pressing into his flesh and watching blood pool around the cold metal. I dragged it down to his chin and watched as he shrieked in pain. I took the red-soaked blade and licked it, my strength and senses burning now.

I took him by the neck once more and flung him across the room, hearing his body hit the floor gave me a wave of satisfaction. He grunted and attempted to get up again. I kicked him twice and he spun around on his back, slamming into the wall.

I stomped on his leg and watched as his bone snapped in two. “STAY DOWN!” I screamed, giving another kick to his already bloodied face. He was screaming in agony and I loved it.

For over an hour I threw him around, feeling his flesh and blood under my fingernails, consistently bringing the blade to my lips. It was invigorating. He screamed and thrashed and cussed the whole time, but eventually his body gave way and his heart stopped. That was when I heard the police sirens and reality kicked in. I was covered in blood. My hair and my clothes… I dropped the mangled body of my father and jumped out the back window, fleeing the scene.

It only took a few minutes until I reached the house again. I snuck through the front door and ducked into the bathroom, washing the blood and guts off my body. When I left I could hear Jason pacing in his room, growling to himself. I wrapped myself in the cashmere robe for the last time and knocked on his door.

He opened it very slowly, his eyes widening when he saw me. “What happened?”

“Remember you owe me that favour? I promised to cash it, didn’t I?” I said, moving real close to him. He was only about four inches taller than me so I was able to touch his neck without too much effort.

“Y-yeah, okay?” he stuttered, lips trembling and looking at me as if he had never wanted anything so much in his entire life.

I smiled, beaming with my newfound confidence. I whispered into his ear, letting my lips caress his “Don’t make a big deal out of this.” Then I turned and kissed him. He took me in happily; slowly but surely the kiss got warmer and warmer, and slowly we descended together in harmony.