Sick Pleasure

I opened my eyes and made a conscious effort to focus on my surroundings. It took a couple of minutes before the haziness was gone, allowing me to see clearly. The room was familiar, but it definitely wasn’t mine. The walls in my bedroom were white, not a pale purple. I definitely didn’t have curtains covering my windows, and from what I could tell, this room was fairly clean and looked like someone lived in it. My room hadn’t been used in six months.

I rolled over, forcing myself to look and see if there was someone in the bed with me. Sure enough there was. A woman laid on her back next to me, her arm covering her face while her white blonde hair fanned out around her. Despite not being able to see her face, I knew exactly who it was, and I fell back against the bed, groaning loudly. I hadn’t even been home full twenty four hours yet, and I’d already found her. The guys were going to kill me when they inevitably found out.

I contemplated getting up and leaving before she could wake up, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I’d missed her. The last time I’d seen her was about a month or so before we left for tour, and as pathetic as it sounded, she’d become a drug to me. I couldn’t handle the withdrawals.

Rolling over to face her, I used my elbow to prop me up and my other hand to stroke her arm. Her chest heaved as she let out a contented sigh, and I smiled a little. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her against me, but she wasn’t one for cuddling. It was rare for her to be in the mood for it, and those moods never lasted long. She tended to shy away from any form of intimacy, and I had yet to find out why that was.

After a while, she moved, her arm sliding off her face as she yawned. I watched silently as she stretched and then opened her eyes, almost instantly looking directly at me. She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back, feeling my heart tighten a little in my chest.

“I kind of missed seeing your face in the morning,” she whispered, her voice a little hoarse as it always was first thing in the morning. My heart sped up a little, even though a nagging voice in the back of my mind told me she didn’t mean it the way I wanted her to.

“Me too, Abby,” I replied, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything more. If I said too much, she would kick me out, and I wasn’t ready to go months on end without seeing her again. I barely remembered the little time we’d spent together this time, and what little I could recall wasn’t enough to tide me over for even a day.

“I’ve got to piss something terrible,” she announced, throwing the blanket off of her and revealing her naked body, the mood somewhat ruined. “You can do your business when I’m done, just make sure to use air freshener if you decide to take a shit. I definitely have not missed your smell.” I laughed at her crudeness, keeping my eyes on her form as she walked out of the room.

I forced myself to get out of the bed once I heard the bathroom door open again. Grabbing my boxers off the floor, I made my way out of the bedroom, passing Abby as I did so. We didn’t say anything though, just let our arms brush against each other and continued on our way.

I found her in the kitchen, sitting at the table in nothing but her underwear. She had a bowl of cereal in front of her, without milk from what I could tell, and a cup of coffee next to it. She looked up at me as I walked over to the cabinet, getting my own bowl.

“There’s no milk, so you’ll have to eat it dry,” she commented as I poured some cereal into the bowl. I nodded as I fixed some coffee for myself and then walked over to the table, taking a seat opposite her.

I took the opportunity to look her over, searching for any sort of damage that may have occurred since the last time I saw her. She didn’t look any worse than normal, no signs of any new drug addictions. She was still too thin for her own good though, but I wasn’t going to nag. As long as she looked physically okay and wasn’t skin and bones, I had no room to gripe about her appearance. That was the deal.

“So what’s new with you, Brian?” I shrugged as I shoveled a mouth full of cereal in my mouth.

“Same old, same old. Touring and all that jazz, you know?” She nodded, though she show any sort of reaction. “How about you?”

“Same old, same old,” she said, a teasing smile on her lips, and I rolled my eyes. “Partying, clubbing, fucking, the usual I guess.” It was the answer I expected. It was the same thing she’d been doing for years now, and I wasn’t sure if it would ever change even though I desperately wanted it to. “Dude!” I jumped as she slapped her hand on the table, looking wide awake for the first time this morning. “Guess what I did about a month ago?”

“What?” I asked, pretending to be interested. I dreaded hearing her answer. It would be something, most likely sexual, and it wouldn’t involve me. It pained me every time I was told about her sexual encounters with other people, not that she noticed. I just wanted her to be with me and me alone, and she was all for sleeping with whoever, whenever.

“I hooked up with this lesbian couple.” She looked completely thrilled, and I faked my own enthusiasm. It could’ve been worse in a way if it had been another man, but I didn’t really want to think about losing her to a woman either.

“How’d that happen?”

“I got bored and went to a lesbian bar, you know, trying to mix it up. Anyway, these two girls ended up hitting on me and asking if I’d be interested in having a threesome. They were pretty hot, so I figured why not, and oh my god, Brian, it was so fucking worth it. I don’t even know how many times I came.”

“Better than me?” I asked with a teasing tone, but I was desperate to know the answer. She chuckled, shaking her head. Her hair swung back and forth with the motion.

“No one’s better than you, babe.” I offered a genuine smile, slumping in my seat and let myself relax. She fell silent, looking up at the ceiling and flipping her hair back behind her shoulders. I had to fight myself to keep from telling her that I loved her, that I’d loved her for a few years now. I wanted to beg her to finally settle down with me, to give up the one night stands with random strangers. I wouldn’t do it though. I had too much pride to beg, and I wasn’t going to put myself out there just for her to tear me down. If she’d wanted me the same way I wanted her, she wouldn’t have been playing me for the past seven, almost eight, years.

She stood, walking over to the sink to rinse her bowl. She cursed when the water wouldn’t come out of the faucet, and I went over to her, pushing her out of the way so I could fix the sink for her. I didn’t necessarily have to do it, she’d been fighting with the plumbing the entire time she’d lived in the apartment, but if I did it, I’d hopefully get some sort of recognition for it. I practically begged for her attention now, like some love deprived puppy. It was a low I’d come to terms with a while ago.

“Why are you still in this piece of crap apartment anyway?” I asked as I climbed under the sink to gain access to the pipes.

“Rent’s cheap.”

“You can afford a nicer place, Abbs,” I told her. She came from a rich family, old money, and when her grandmother had died, a majority of her fortune had been left to Abby. To most people’s surprise, she had even more money now without having worked a day in her life. That was all because of her knowledge of stocks and other sorts of investments though. If it wasn’t for that, she’d have run the well dry years ago, between the drugs and alcohol and the charities she donated a good amount of money to.

“I like this place though.”

“Well, at least spend the money to fix it. Your plumbing is a disaster.”

“I might do that.” Having fixed the issue temporarily, I emerged, only to have her tackle me to the floor. I looked up at her in shock, and she laughed, leaning over me and pressing her lips against mine. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her neck as I kissed her back, keeping it sweet and innocent for a few moments before pushing my tongue past her lips.

She moaned into my mouth, her fingers digging into my shoulders and her legs squeezing my sides. My hands travelled up and down her sides, and I groaned as she started grinding her hips against mine.

She pulled away after a bit, her lips starting to look swollen. There was pure lust in her eyes, her pupils dilated. She smiled with a wicked glint in her eyes, one that I knew all too well and meant we were going to be going at it for a while. I had no complaints about that, flipping us over so that she was underneath me and bringing my lips to her throat. I needed this even more than she did.



“Where have you been?” That was the greeting I received as I entered the apartment I shared with one of my friends. I ignored the piercing stare as I took off my jacket and found a seat in one of the chairs. “Dude, I’ve been trying to call you for hours. Where the hell were you?”

“Here and there,” I replied, hoping that he would drop it. He wouldn’t like the answer to his questions, and I wasn’t looking forward to yet another lecture about spending time with Abby.

“I want specifics, man.” I stayed silent, deciding to stare at the wall instead of at him. Looking at him would make me crack. I didn’t like lying to him, but this was one of those times where lying would be the best option.

“You were with her, weren’t you?” Sighing, I looked over at him, finding his usually happy face somber for the moment. He only stared, waiting for me to confirm his suspicions, and I did. He groaned in frustration, pushing himself off the furniture and pacing back and forth in front of me.

“Why are you going to do that to yourself?” he shouted, but it didn’t faze me. This was always the reaction, when I told him or the other guys. They were always pissed, asking me why I was spending time with her. They didn’t get it though. All they saw was the party girl. They didn’t get to see the side of her that I knew; not many people did.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“You’re kidding me, right? Thanks to that bitch, you’ve been arrested multiple times and gotten yourself addicted to crack. Let’s not forget the countless times you’ve had to save her stupid ass without getting anything in return. She screws you over and over, and you fucking let her. Why the hell do you let her do that shit to you?”

“Because I love her!” He seemed taken aback, but I didn’t know why. I may have never admitted it sober before, but I think it was obvious to everyone that I was in love with her.

“You know she’s never going to love you back, right?” I knew that he didn’t mean it to hurt, but I still felt like I’d been slapped in the face. Worse actually. I felt like I was being ripped to pieces. I shut my eyes, trying to keep myself from letting the words mess with my head.

“You don’t know that.” Who was I kidding? Not myself, and certainly not Jimmy. I wasn’t sure if it was even possible for her to fall in love, but if it was, it wasn’t going to be with me.

“Brian, come on. You’ve got to get over her. She’s been nothing but trouble from the start. You think she’s going to give up that lifestyle for you?” I glared, pushing myself off the chair. I ignored his pleas to just talk about it. I wasn’t in the mood to fight about it. In the end, I wasn’t going to stop seeing her until I had to, and he wasn’t going to change that.

“Just so you know, she wasn’t always trouble,” I shouted before slamming the door to my bedroom shut and throwing myself on the bed. It definitely wasn’t a lie either, but seeing as the rest of the guys didn’t go to the same high school I did, they wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t know that I’d actually met her back in the ninth grade when she was the complete opposite of what she was today. They probably wouldn’t believe me if I told them that she’d once been the top of our class, on the fast track to a nice education at an Ivy League school. They might actually laugh while trying to picture her as the teacher’s pet whose only social life outside of school was with all the other perfect, intelligent, and snobby rich kids, but that was exactly how things had been back when she didn’t even give me the time of day.

From what I’d been told, she finally cracked during her first semester at Harvard. She couldn’t handle the pressure anymore and decided not to give a fuck. She moved back home after flunking out of school, and if her grandmother hadn’t been so fond of her, she’d be living on the streets with no contact from her family. In reality though, Abby disliked her family as much as they did her, only talking to each other maybe once a year if that. She spent her days partying with anyone that was game, making plenty of friends with the young socialites of Los Angeles. She’d made a name for herself once she’d gotten into the partying lifestyle, and no one knew anything about her outside of that. They didn’t know how money smart she was, how she liked to spent her time volunteering for different causes. She wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, but no one wanted to talk about the good aspects. It was all trash talk when the name Abby Greene was mentioned.

The saddest part in my eyes though was the fact that I was the only one person actually gave a damn about her, and she didn’t treat me much better than anyone else.