Sick Pleasure

I collapsed on top of her body, making an effort not to crush her with my weight, and tried to catch my breath. Abby panted as well, her heaving chest hitting mine with each breath. She smiled at me as she pushed my hair off my sweaty forehead, and I leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips.

“I think that round topped all the others,” I told her, and she chuckled.

“Definitely the best sex I’ve ever had.” My chest swelled with pride at her statement, and I crashed my lips to hers once more to keep myself from letting the “L” word slip. She let out a squeal as I flipped us over so that she was on top of me and placed my mouth on her jaw.

“Cool it!” The demand was accompanied with a sharp bang on the door and then followed with the sound of footsteps. I rolled my eyes, dropping my head back against the pillows.

“Ignore him,” I told her. “Jimmy likes to cockblock because he can’t get any.”

“I could believe that,” she replied, her fingers tracing patterns on my chest. A lazy smile fell on my lips as I stared at her, wanting the image of her forever ingrained in my mind, not that it already wasn’t. I just wanted as many mental images of her as I could manage to get.

Neither of us said anything for a while, and she ended up laying down on top of me, her face buried in the crook of my neck. It was one of those moods apparently, when she was okay with being held, and I closed my eyes, rubbing her back gently. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to last, the moods always varied, but just as I always did, I planned on making the most of it.

It was only when her stomach growled that she pushed herself off of me, asking if I could fix her something to eat. After making a lame innuendo, I agreed, rolling out of the bed and slipping on a pair of sweats. She put on one of my shirts and followed after me.

Jimmy was in the living room, his new girlfriend snuggled against him as they watched TV. They looked up when we walked by, Jimmy not bothering to hide his dislike towards Abby. She acted like she didn’t notice, and I don’t think she really cared, only muttered a small greeting to Keri as she walked into the kitchen. Keri had yet to learn to dislike Abby, but if she ended up becoming a permanent thing in Jimmy’s life, she would. That’s what the other girls have done.

“So what are you making me?” Abby asked.

“Pretty much the only thing I can make is grilled cheese,” I replied, somewhat embarrassed. “Is that okay?”

“I’d pretty much eat anything right now. Grilled cheese sounds pretty good though.” I shot her a quick smile and then turned my back to her so that I could fix her the sandwich.

“You remember my friend Stephanie?” When I shook my head, she added, “You know that orgy you accidentally walked in on a few years back? She was the one giving one of the guys head while some chick ate her out. You know who I’m talking about?”

“I think so,” I lied. I couldn’t keep up with all her so called “friends.” In my head, they were all the same, and I hated every last one of them.

“Well, she’s throwing a party tonight. You want to come with me? Your friends could come to if they want.”

“You sure about that?” I asked. She was well aware of the fact that the guys didn’t like her, and because of that, she tended to keep her distance from them.

“Yeah, why not? It’ll be a big party. I probably won’t even see them that much, and you’ll have people to hang out with besides me. You don’t have to ask them, but I just thought….”

“I’ll ask. Thanks, Abbs.”

“No problem,” she mumbled, falling silent for a while. When the grilled cheese sandwich had finished cooking, I placed it on a plate, handing it to her before I walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and stood behind her with my chest to her back, pressing my face against her hair. She jerked her head to the side, and in response, I brought my chin down to rest on her shoulder.

“Brian, stop it,” she said, sounding irritated, and I frowned, pulling away from her. She took a bite of her sandwich, avoiding eye contact. Leaning against the counter next to her, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just not in the mood.”

“It wasn’t even ten minutes ago that you were all over me.” I really needed to shut up. My mind knew I needed to, just not my mouth.

“Well, I had enough,” she spat, her eyes hard. “Why are you pushing this, anyway? Can you not just accept an answer? Or do you not understand the meaning of no? Have you ever been told no before? You’re acting like you haven’t.”

“Abbs, I wasn’t trying to start something. I was just asking a question.” Mentally, I was beating myself up for even questioning her in the first place. I knew better. She always hated people questioning her decisions; it reminded her of her parents and their constant pressure on her.

“Whatever, Brian. I’m just going to go back to my place.” She stood up, walking out of the kitchen and back to my room. I followed after her, only catching up to her as she was ditching my shirt and putting on her own clothes.

“Don’t leave just because I said something stupid.” I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice, but a little bit managed to slip out anyway. She didn’t seem to notice, but I didn’t know if that was just an act or not. She didn’t say anything, just continued throwing her clothes back on and trying to getting out as fast as she could. “Abby, please.” She ignored me, walking past me without a word after she finished getting dressed, and again I trailed after her.

“I’ll stop by and pick you up before the party,” she said once she reached the door. I made to protest again, but she was gone before I could utter even one word. My shoulders fell, and I ran a hand through my hair, sighing in frustration.

“I don’t know why you continue to put up with that shit,” Jimmy commented after a minute or so. “She couldn’t care less about you.”

“Will you fucking stop?” I shouted, turning to face him and Keri. “Until you actually take the time to get to know her, don’t tell me how she feels about me or anyone else. You don’t know a damn thing about her, alright? Stop acting like you do.” He didn’t look the slightest bit fazed by my outburst; Keri, however, looked a little shocked. She hadn’t been privy to the arguments yet. Abby and I had only been hooking up for a month so far, and Keri had only been around for a couple of weeks.

“At least I’m not blind and letting that bitch walk all over me.” I rolled my eyes, deciding it would be better to ignore him than try to get him to see what I saw.

“Ever consider that maybe she just doesn’t want to let herself get too close to someone?” Keri suggested after a few minutes of tense silence. We both looked at her, a little shocked, but I felt relief when I realized that Keri might not be so bad. None of the other past and current girlfriends actually tried to defend Abby. I just hoped that Keri wouldn’t eventually turn her back on her.

“Why would you say that?” Jimmy asked, the first of us to respond. She shrugged, taking a couple of seconds to respond.

“I was just thinking that she might have motives you don’t know about. She doesn’t really strike me as the type to show vulnerability.” I smiled a bit triumphantly as he frowned, unable to find any sort of argument to her statement. At least there was one person who understood Abby, even if it was just a little.

“By the way, she invited you guys to come to this party one of her friends is throwing,” I said. “It’s up to you if you want to go.” Jimmy made a face, most likely ready to say something negative, but Keri cut him off, telling me they’d love to go and leaving absolutely no room for Jimmy to argue. Again, I felt a little satisfaction and almost wanted to gloat about Keri being on my side. I didn’t though, not wanting to turn her against me, just kept my mouth shut and watched TV.



Abby was leaning against her car when the three of us walked out of the apartment building. She wore her usual clothing, a short white dress that showed plenty of cleavage. I decided not to let it bother me this time since I was going as her date and would have no reason to be jealous of anyone else. She gave me a tight lipped smile, letting me know she was still peeved at me, but she didn’t protest as I gave her a quick peck on the lips.

“This it?” she asked, her eyes landing on Jimmy and Keri. She offered them a smile as well, one that was warmly returned by Keri and ignored completely by Jimmy.

“Yeah, this is it,” I told her. Matt, Zacky, and Johnny had all come up with some excuse to not go, and Matt’s and Johnny’s girlfriends completely hated Abby’s guts so they weren’t going to make them go like Keri did Jimmy. Abby wasn’t bothered by the fact, only shrugged her shoulders and said we should get going. Jimmy and Keri climbed in the back while I took the passenger’s seat. The radio was turned to some pop station, the music fairly loud, and that was pretty much a sign that there wouldn’t be much conversation on the way to her friend’s party.

Glancing in the rear view mirror, I caught a glimpse of Keri and Jimmy huddled together, talking softly to each other. A small amount of envy surged through me as I wished that Abby and I could have something like that.

Not once did the blonde look at me, and when I reached over to touch her, she pushed my hand away. After that, I decided to let her be. She’d get over it on her own time, and usually trying to push it just made it worse.

By the time we arrived at the party, there was already a shitload of people there. The car was parked in the street, and Abby grabbed my hand, leading the rest of us up to the mansion. A red head greeted Abby almost instantly, ignoring me, Jimmy, and Keri. The greetings didn’t last long as someone else arrived and got the red head’s attention.

“Drinks are this way,” Abby shouted over the music, dragging me in the direction that she wanted to go with Jimmy and Keri trailing after us. We eventually found ourselves in a kitchen as large as both mine and Abby’s apartments combined, an endless supply of alcohol waiting to be served. As the other three grabbed some form of alcohol, I decided to opt for the a soda, taking it upon myself to be the sober one of the night.

Abby leaned against one of the counters, popping the top of a bottle of Budweiser and placing the opening against her lips. She threw her head backwards as she poured a decent amount in her mouth and swallowed, just as quickly bringing her head back to its original position and smacking her lips. She grinned, and I shook my head, suppressing a smile of my own. I placed my arm around her shoulders, unsure of whether she would approve or not, but I took it as it being a good thing since she didn’t give me a look or shrug me off of her.

Having finished the beer, Abby led me back to the living area where most people were either talking along the edges of the room or dancing in the middle of it. She didn’t leave me much choice in the matter as she pulled me towards the dancers, not like I had a choice anyway. I almost always gave her what she wanted.

She turned around, pushing her backside against my front, and I let my hands slide down her sides and grip her hips as she swayed back and forth against me. The song had some sort of electronic beat to it with poppy vocals that didn’t seem to quite fit in, but no one else seemed to care. Maybe it was just because this wasn’t my kind of thing. I was only here for Abby.

I dropped my head to her shoulder, my mouth level with her ear, and let my tongue glide along the outer shell. She shuddered against me, though tried to act nonchalant about it. Just a part of the game, but this time I had every intention of winning it.



I stopped the car in front of the building, allowing Keri and Jimmy to get out of the car. It’d already been decided that I would drop them off at Keri’s place and then take Abby home. I’d get a cab to take me back to my apartment. I didn’t bother waiting for the two to enter the building, just pressed the gas the moment the door shut.

Abby was slumped in her seat, biting her lip and twirling her hair around her finger. She hadn’t said a word since we’d left the party. I’d been expecting a fight, at least once Jimmy and Keri were gone, yet I got nothing, and the cold shoulder was even worse than the arguing. The silence actually made it easier for my brain to scream all sorts of bad ideas at me, and I could find a way to silence them.

I weaved through the crowd, trying to spot one of the three faces I’d arrived with so that I wouldn’t be lost anymore. I’d only been gone five, ten minutes tops, long enough to use the bathroom.

Finally, I spotted one of them, and I felt slightly disappointed that it wasn’t the face I’d been trying to find. Continuing to make my way across the room despite the slight resistance at some points, I finally managed to approach Jimmy and Keri, both of whom had been in deep conversation.

“You guys seen Abby?” I shouted, and both shook their heads, turning to try to see if they could see her in the throng of faces. It seemed hopeless, and I informed them that I was going to go looking for her. Keri promised to keep an eye out for me.

I wasn’t as polite the second time around as I tried to get to another area of the house. The place was much too big, and I grew more and more anxious with every room that turned out to not be holding the girl I wanted.

I found her on the second floor, in a room with a bunch of other people that were easily labeled druggies, and I instantly recognized what they were doing, having become all too familiar with the situation myself not that long ago.

Gulping and pulling at the collar of my shirt, I stalked into the room, shoving the pipe being handed to Abby away, and grabbed her bicep, yanking her into a standing position and dragging her out of the room.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she screeched, using her free arm to slap me repeatedly in hopes of making me let go. I breathed out angrily, nostrils flaring as I forced her to come with me to meet Jimmy and Keri. The couple looked shocked by the sudden appearance, curious as to what was going on and why Abby was screaming at me, but they didn’t ask questions.

“We’re out of here,” I stated, not leaving any room for argument. They followed easily enough; Abby was the only one to put up a fight, but she immediately gave it up the moment we were outside. She hissed at me to lighten my grip, but I ignored her, not letting go until she was forced into the car.

I spared a glance at the blonde as we neared a traffic light. She’d decided to stare out the side window, avoiding any sort of eye contact with me. I wondered what I would be in for once we got back to her place. One possibility we’d already gone through at least once, maybe several times.

“You’ve got to stop going to those damn things,” I growled, slamming the door to my apartment shut. Luckily, Jimmy was out, so he wouldn’t be privy to this.

“Excuse me?” she scoffed, the pretentious rich girl she used to be making an appearance for the first time in a long time. Her hip cocked to the side as she placed her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Who the hell are you to tell me what I do?”

“In case you forgot, I just went through fucking rehab for a crack addiction.”

“Then I’ll stop taking you to the parties with drugs,” she replied as if it was no big deal, but it was. I always went with her to her parties when I could. Someone had to keep an eye on her or else she’d kill herself.

“I think you should stop going to them, too,” I replied. “Better to prevent an addiction than actually let it happen.” That angered her too, her nostrils flaring, eyes narrowing even more. Her face started to get red as well.

“Just because you don’t understand the fucking idea of moderation, doesn’t mean I don’t either. I’ve been at this shit way longer than you, Brian.” I hated the way she said my name in that moment. It usually sent chills down my spine in a good way, but this time, there was just complete disgust when she said it that made me feel like the worst piece of shit on Earth. “If I was going to get addicted, I would have already. I know what I’m doing, thank you.”

“Well, you know, I’d rather know for sure you couldn’t get addicted,” I said, unable to stop myself. Her eyes widened for a moment, and then she shook her head, shoving me out of the way as she made her way to the door.

“Mind your own fucking business, and stay the hell out of mine,” she spat before she stormed out of the apartment. It would be over a year before I saw her next, the longest amount of time we’d spent apart, and it damn near killed me.

I parked her car and carefully exited it with Abby following suit. She still didn’t say anything, but I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad since she wrapped her arm around my waist. Maybe she was still under the effects of some drug I hadn’t seen her take. I wasn’t sure, but if it meant no fighting, I was okay with that for the moment.

She didn’t say a word until we walked into her place, and even then she still put it off as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately. I allowed myself a little moment of pleasure before I made my next move.

“So I managed to snag a little ecstasy,” she said as she pulled away, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You game?”

“Abby, we need to talk,” I said, my voice starting to grow thick. She didn’t seem to care, only pressed out bodies closer together and placed her lips on my neck.

“Can’t it wait ‘til morning?” she asked sweetly, placing continuous kisses on my skin. My heart screamed yes, yes it can wait forever, but my mind knew this needed to be done, even if I dreaded what was to come.

“No, baby, it can’t,” I replied softly, gently pushing her away. She relented, leaning back and using my arms as support. She had a goofy smile on her lips, having no idea what I was going to do.

“What’s up?” I closed my eyes and licked my lips, having to convince myself that this was for the best. I had to do this for myself. I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes and looked at her.

“I’m bored,” I said, the line all too familiar, except I wasn’t the one that usually said it. Her smile fell, and she blinked dazedly.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m bored of us.” My heart felt like it was being ripped to shreds again, but this time I was the one causing the pain, not her. She let go of me, stepping backwards and staring blankly. For the briefest second, I saw something flash in her eyes that may have possibly been hurt, but it was gone before I could know for sure what it was.

“Oh.” That was all she said, and I wanted so desperately to erase the last minute and keep this from happening. It was bad enough that I was getting hurt. It killed me to know I was causing her pain too.

We didn’t say anything. She seemed to be rendered speechless, and I had no idea what to do. I wasn’t the one that did the breaking up in this relationship; I was always on the receiving end.

“Huh,” she said after a while, and I asked her what was wrong. “Nothing…just that I’m usually the one to get bored.” I only nodded, not knowing what to say in response. “Does this mean we’re done for good?” I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, but I hoped like hell it didn’t. I couldn’t live without her, even if nothing would ever really happen with us. She didn’t have anything else to say, and I finally told her I should get going, that I’d call a cab to take me home. She didn’t even mutter a goodbye as I walked out the door, and that broke my heart even more.

I stood at her door, contemplating whether or not I should go back and fix it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk letting myself get addicted again, and she had no concern about helping me stay sober. I leaned against the wood, my fingers clutching at the door as I said my last goodbyes silently, hoping she could hear the apologies I said in my head. After a minute or so, I pushed myself away from the door and slowly made my way towards the exit, trying to figure out how I was going to keep a grip on reality when my only thread of hope had just grown thinner.