Rotten Bones

Somehow Saturday night I end up back at Ronnie’s apartment, this time it’s for his house warming party that is more like a major piss up rather then anything else. There are so many people crammed into the small apartment when Verona and I arrive that I have the instant desire to turn around and go back the way I came.

I have no idea why Ve convinced me to come to this party because within the first forty minutes I lose her in the crowd of people and I'm stuck between a girl with a huge bottle of vodka and a creepy guy smoking a joint. As the night progresses and I move from the couch to the balcony, to smoke to trying to find a something non-alcoholic to drink. The few people I do know like Jacky and Derek are too shit faced to even hold a conversation that lasts two minutes and Ronnie seems to be so scattered and jumpy that I'm almost worried about him.

This isn’t my sort of place, I hate this sort of thing I'm not a prude or prestigious, I don’t think I'm better then these people, this just isn’t my thing. I don’t like to drink much and this place is so off putting that I don’t want to drink at all. And I don’t fancy drugs at all, not even the mediocre weed that I can smell in the air. So when I see someone set up a line of cocaine on the brand new coffee table I have made up my mind, I'm leaving.

I find Ve sucking face with Derek and I'm mortified to interrupt them but I do anyway, telling them I'm heading out and then try and make my way through the crowd of people to the front door. Ronnie stops me on the way.

“Where are you going?” He asks, almost shouting over the music.

“I'm going home.” I tell him, a little annoyed with both him and myself for some reason.

“Why?” It’s like he is trying to convince me this is a great party, but I know he isn’t even fooling himself.

“Because this isn’t my thing,” I tell him “I don’t do drugs and I don’t know these people.”

“What so your just too good for everyone?” Now he is mad at me too, though I don’t know what I have done.

“No Ronnie, I didn’t say that. I just I'm not comfortable.” I tell him and with that one word I can see his eyes soften and his hands stop shaking for the first time all night.

“Can I come with you?” And that is the last thing I expect him to say.

“This is your party.”

“I want to show you something, take you somewhere.” I don’t even know how to reply so I don’t.

And just like that he walks past me grabbing my fingers as he passes me, and heads out the door of his own apartment, while there is a crazy party going on inside.

“Where is your car?” He asks as we get out to the car park

“Are you drunk?” Is all I can think.

“No, you drive.”

“Ronnie.” I stop in the middle of the car park and pull on his hand that is still holding mine to make him stop too.

“I'm not comfortable either.” He tells me and I nod letting go of his hand and walking over to my car, unlocking it and getting in.

The drive is silent with the occasional direction; I still have no idea where we are going. After about fifteen minutes we pull up at an old cinema that’s still in use and Ronnie gets out.

“What are we doing here Ronnie?” I yell at him a little fed up, I kind of just want to go home.

“Just please Luce, come with me.” He hold out his hand but I don’t take it I just walk in instead and I can hear Ronnie chuckle as he jogs to catch up to me. Its past one in the morning so I have no idea how we can still buy tickets and get into a movie. But Ronnie proceeds to do just that, and the cinema is empty which is a little eerie, but kind of nice. Ronnie takes a seat in the dead center like it’s reserved for him and I sit next to him curling up my legs and getting comfortable.

“Can you please explain this now?” I groan and Ronnie laughs again and bites his lip like he is thinking of something.

“This cinema has been here for as long as I can remember and every Friday and Saturday night they hold movie marathons that start at about 11pm and run right through to 6am. When my brother and I were little we used to come here almost every weekend just to get away from everything.” He smiles that beautiful smile again, the one you don’t see often and I slip my high heels off and get even more comfortable.

“Get away from what?” I asked leaning my head back on the seat but facing Ronnie, paying no mind to the movie that played.

“Our parents used to fight a lot, and they both drank and by the end of the week shit always got violent, things got thrown around and punches were thrown. Jason is older then me and he didn’t want me around them fighting so we would sneak out of my window and come here, because we new we were safe here. It was okay if we feel asleep we were going to wake up in the morning and we would be safe.”

I was so shocked by what he had said that I didn’t know what to say, so I played with the hem of my shirt looking down.
“I don’t think I have ever told anyone that before.”

“What happened with your parents?” I asked more curious then anything else.

“My mum got up one morning when I was about nine or ten and walked out on us all.”

“And your dad?”

“Cleaned up his act and sent his kids to school the next morning.” I stopped playing with the hem of my shirt and started playing with Ronnie’s fingers instead. They were long and rough and calloused. Everything was silent for a few minutes and I directed my attention to the large movie screen in front of us.

“I feel like I have delve into some horrible family secret of my own now.” I chuckle but it has no humor.

“You probably don’t even have any dark family secrets.” Ronnie retorted

“You’d be surprised.” I sighed heavily, “But can we start smaller then that?” I asked, I wasn’t ready for dark secrets yet.

He smiled at me not the big beautiful smile, but a smaller version.

“How old are you?” he was starting small.

“I just turned 24, you?”

“Shit I'm 29, you’re just a baby, and okay I need to know something.” He paused and I nodded for him to go on. “Before the night we met you didn’t know who I was or anything about me?”

I shook my head “No I didn’t, you kind of really scared me actually.” I told him “Why?”

“Not to sound pretentious but have you goggled me?”

“No Ronnie.” My voice sounded so small, and Ronnie noticed.

“I'm sorry I'm paranoid, I just I don’t know who I can trust to talk to anymore.”

“Its okay.” I was so taken back by his questions that I suddenly felt incredibly small.

“Ready to tell me your deep dark secrets yet?” He laughed, trying to lighten the mood, and I shook my head giggling. “Okay something smaller, why become a teacher?”

“I don’t know I knew it was going to be something I could achieve, and that everyday would be different.”

“Tell me about your family?” He asked.

“Their complicated…. but their there…” I didn’t want to get into the drama of my family life with Ronnie yet and I think he understood that, he simply nodded in reply.
“I don’t want to be rude Ronnie so tell me to shut up any time you want but…” I paused not knowing how to word my next sentence. “I just notice that your constantly shaky or fidgety… just like your hands…” my sentence fades and I can hear Ronnie let out a loud sigh.

As I turn my head to look at him, he is looking back directly at me and it’s the first time I realize how every close we are sitting to each other. The silence makes me feel like I have over stepped an invisible boundary so I try and take back my previous words.

“Sorry you don’t have to say anything, I shouldn’t have asked…”

After a moment or two I feel Ronnie move a curl of hair from in front of my eyes to behind my ear before he speaks.

“I ummmm, I was in jail for just over two and a half years Lucy… and a lot of that time I spent in solitary confinement.” His voice is shaking and for the first time since we have been alone I notice his hands start to shake as well. So I grab one of them and start absentmindedly playing with his finger while I watch him speak.

“I have been out for just over a month and I am struggling. If there are too many people around me I start to panic and I don’t like talking to people, I am completely uncomfortable and I have terrible anxiety. And to top it off I'm trying to stay clean and sober but its hard and…”

“Why were you in solitary confinement?” I ask, I want to know more, I realize that actually I want to know everything. But I want him to tell me himself I don’t want to Google him.

“A lot of reasons, I have a bad temper, I got into fights, and I was a complete smart ass to the guards. Uuummm what else you get one call a week to family right?” He hold up one finger to prove his point, I nod “ But you are aloud to call your lawyer at any time so I said I was calling my lawyer and called my dad instead, turns out people were listening in. Oh and I got a jail tattoo, very against the rules.” With that being said I run my finger over the teardrop under his big brown eyes and they close with my touch.

And I realize that yes; this man is fresh out of jail, that he has done terrible things. That I don’t even know the extent of yet, he has past and maybe present issues with alcohol and drugs. And yet all I want to do is wrap myself in his arms and fall asleep in these cinema chairs.