Everything Has Changed

I named this chapter after the next song that came on shuffle. So, fuck. But some of the lines in the song are accurate. Like "You had it figured out since you were in school, you everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool" and "You don't feel pretty, you just feel used". I would type faster but Kevin keeps trying to get me to going with him in Satanism.

This title is pretty inaccurate to me, because I'm obviously not the lucky one. But fuck it, better than revenge just came on. COUGH COUGH D2.

I think I've become the biggest dipshit in all of Odair Academy, not only have I professed my love for someone over an anonymous blog, but I have people trying to hunt me down and kill me. Fucking great. I mean, I wish I never we started this. I want to go back to being this person who bottles up all of their feelings. I'm okay with writing a whole chapter about someone, but I can't even say it to their face. I don't have the courage to walk up to someone and say "I love you" or "I hope you get hit by a bus" or "I hope you get aids", or whatever. It's hard to have one person know so much about you, yet they don't even know your name, or where you're from, or what you look like. Do you ever just think that's strange? I could be the person that gets demoted all the time, or the smartest kid in school (which I'm not). But, there are much worse games to play. I'm dealing with this little game called "Bottle". It's where you bottle up all of your feelings until you explode and blurt it out, usually at the worst time. You know, in TV shows where one character is getting married and they're happy, but you're not, so you just cry and listen to Taylor Swift and hope that you can find the bravery to tell that person how you really feel. But it doesn't work that way, not in real life at least. In movies it usually works like this, "I love you" "I love you too". Yay, happy ending, right? In my world it works like this "I love you" "Thats great, imma go take a shit now". This is probably why fairy tales never made any sense to me. Where I grew up you just sort of found one person and got married and had children. Sure, you loved them, but arnt you supposed to experience so much more than that. This is why I go after things I can't have, not so I can't get hurt, but so I can keep my sanity. So I can keep the last few strands of dignity I have and also, so I don't hurt anyone else. I don't know much, but all I know is a simple name,

and EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.