Love Don't Live Here Anymore

Sam snuck around the back of the large building Niall had instructed her to meet him at. Their were fans at every entrance but she had managed to get past without any fuss. She had brought Olly to see Niall and the rest of the guys of One Direction at their rehearsals for their upcoming tour. They were in the beginning stages of figuring out set lists and working out the kinks in their stage and lighting. When they walked into the warehouse they had been using for rehearsals Olly quickly slipped his hand from hers running as fast as his little legs would go. Niall saw him instantly letting a grin split his face as he bent down ready to grab the toddler that was running toward him. They had the audience of everyone in the warehouse as Olly finally reached Niall who held him against his chest.

"Daddy." Olly smiled at Niall unknowingly sending a wave of emotions through both Niall and Sam.

Sam was panicking. Olly was innocently holding on to Niall's neck neither boy as freaked out as she was. Niall was actually grinning eyes shinning brighter then ever looking at the little boy in his arms. He never thought hearing that word would make his heart swell as much as it was then. There had never been a title that had made him feel on too of the world like being this little boys dad. Out everything he had achieved in his life being Olly's daddy had the number one spot in his heart.

"Olly." Sam was finding it hard to breath. "You shouldn't-"

"Want daddy to show you around the stage?" Niall cut Sam off happily taking his new title.

"Niall, you don't have to do that." Sam rubbed a spot in the center of her forehead. "He shouldn't have called you that. He's just confused."

"It's fine." Niall shrugged. "I like it that he called daddy."

"But-"

"I love you." Sam's jaw dropped at Niall's revelation. They had only been exclusively dating for a month it was much too soon for any I Love You's to be thrown around. "And I love Olly. I don't care what he calls me, but I gotta tell ya hearing him call me his daddy was pretty awesome."

"Ok." Sam really didn't have anything to say her mind still replaying his 'I love you.' "If you really don't mind."

"Come on let's have a look around." Niall used the hand that wasn't holding on to Olly to grab Sam's hand.



When Sam got back from Brighton we had talked; for once we worked through some of our issue. My calling Lena had been eating away at our relationship for months but I had promised to stop, and I had meant it at the time. I was able to go nearly a week without picking up my phone instantly going to her name. Maybe I should have taken a hint after all of these months without her answering but I didn't want her to think we didn't care. She needed us and I wasn't going to let her down. I wasn't expecting her to answer my call or tell me to leave her alone, that she didn't need me ruining her recovery.

If Sam would have waited just five more minutes before finding me in my room she never would have had to know.

"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" Any normal night seeing Sam in one of my jumpers and nothing else would have brought my mood up in a second but all I could muster was a half smile. "Ni, what's wrong?"

"I just talked to Lena."

Her face fell then but her body didn't she straightened up eyes narrowing slightly. "She called you?"

"Not exactly." This was when I knew things were about to get worst. "I called her and she answered this time."

"I thought you weren't going to call her." She was hurt it was written all over her face. "You promised to forget about this."

"It's not that easy." It was a shit excuse for going against what she wanted from me. "I didn't think it would matter if I called her."

"You promised me, Niall, of course it would matter!" She stomped her foot much like Olly does when he doesn't get his way on something. "I thought fixing us was important to you."

"It is." I frowned anger was just boiling through my veins and tried my hardest to keep it at bay. "You know that."

"No, I don't know that." Her face was starting to turn a pink color which was the sign that things were going to get out of hand soon if something wasn't done to prevent her from blowing. "We talked about this! I don't like you obsessing over her!"

"I'm not obsessing over anyone." I was sure my face was matching hers in color by that point. "She's my best friend. You don't understand what it was like to lose someone like that. Jase had always been with you!"

"Did something happen between the two of you on tour?"

It was a question she had asked before. My answer was always no because that was the truth nothing happened between Lena and I in those eight months were on your together. She was in love with Harry and I was in love with Sam; but was I attracted to her? Of course she was beautiful and we put ourselves in situations that we maybe shouldn't have; but she was my friend there was nothing wrong with how close we were.

"Don't be stupid." There words was all it took for her face to go from a light shade of pink to red.

"I'm not being stupid. It's completely normal for me to think that maybe something did happen between you. Why else would you be so heartbroken about her leaving?"

"How many times do I have to tell you she's my best mate! We had plans for the next day and when we went to sleep she didn't say anything! I woke up and she was gone!"

"It's not like you don't know where she is. She's getting help, away from you, there's a reason for that don't you think?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." It was a pointless conversation a it did was dig a bigger trench between us. "It's not worth it."

Sam agreed as she quickly found a pair of pants she had left in my drawers before getting Olly from his bed. She left with him not letting me say anything to Olly even though he tried desperately to reach out to me.

I didn't see them again for a week. Every time I called asking to see Olly Sam would tell me it wasn't a good idea. That hurt more then anything knowing that even after she had told me she would never keep Olly from me that was exactly what she was doing.

When we fought we tried to give each other space for a few days to calm down and really think about what had happened. It seemed this time a week of no contact wasn't going to work. Unfortunately for us we had been invited to dinner with our friends something that been planned weeks before. Neither of us were feeling very up to going to Louis and Eleanor's for dinner that Friday but when I tried to get out of it I had to sit through a long lecture from Louis about how he was actually going to cook so we had to come. The night of his dinner I picked Sam up at half five it was a tense fifteen minutes in the car. Everything was going well once we made it to their house both of us plastering smiles on for our friends.

We were able to smile and joke with them as if our relationship wasn't on the verge of ending. If anyone noticed the tension surrounding us they didn't let it show.

"Are you going to tell them?" Sam was looking at her food her whispered words just barely meeting my ears.

"I haven't decided yet."

That wasn't what she wanted to hear of course. Her lips pursed as she looked at me for only a moment. "You need to tell them."

"What are you two whispering about?" Louis was giving us a curious look bringing everyone's attention to our conversation.

"Nothing."

"We were talking about a phone call Niall had the other day." I looked at Sam not quite believing what she was doing. "Right Niall?"

I looked at my friends and like ripping off a bandaid I said it.

"Lena finally answered." I was quick to take in Harry's reaction. He looked up from his plate of food not a single emotion on his face.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing really." I tried keeping it as simple as that.

"Care to explain a little more?" Louis couldn't just leave it alone. "Don't leave us in suspense mate!"

"She said she's doing better. And to stop calling."

"We haven't been calling." Liam looked confused.

"I have." I hated to admit it to them. I had been holding on to those phone calls as my only connection to her but now that had changed. "Probably more then I should have."

"She just needs time." I was surprised to hear those words spoken softly by Sam.

I didn't have time to ask where the sudden attitude change came from Harry had left the table in a very Harry way. His chair fell with a loud bang his feet stomping the whole way to the back door. He left a wave of uneasiness behind him. We all sat in silence after his departure not sure what to do. Gemma went out to him after a few minutes coming back with Harry who was quick to issue a quiet apology.

The night ended on an awkward note most everyone wanting to be away from the ticking time bomb that was Harry. Sam and I were once again silent on our way to my flat but for a different reason this time. I was angry with her for saying anything about my conversation with Lena. It wasn't her place to do that.

I waited until we were safely inside before I said anything. Sam was just sitting down on the couch her face showing just how tired she was. I stood across the room from her trying to formulate what I needed to say.

"Why would you so that?" It was a simple question but the most important.

"Do what?" Sam glanced at me confused.

"Tell them about Lena."

"Not sure why it's a big deal."

I scoffed. "I would have told them but not then!"

She shrugged the action igniting something in me that felt red hot. "Calm down. They should have known they're just as worried as you are about her. Just because they aren't obsessed like you doesn't mean they don't care."

"For the last damn time I am not obsessed with her."

Sam's eyes lit up then a sneer taking over her plump lips. "You're so fucking oblivious."

"And you're fucking mental."

The one button I was good at pushing was this one. Just by calling her mental it changed the whole argument in the blink of an eye.

"This whole situation would have been avoided had you listened to me you daft twat."

As we stared at each other in a tense stand off I realized what had to be done. It was months in the making and we were only putting off the inevitable. We were broken beyond repair now neither of us trusting the other. We were holding on to something we couldn't possibly keep.

"I think you should go home."

I could see the fight drain from her as she tried to understand me words. "What?"

"I don't want you here anymore." I felt a tightening in my chest that I only felt when she would give me her I'm About To Break Up With You Face.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

I couldn't find the words to say yes. Looking at her both of our anger gone had me rethinking my decision, but I knew even with these doubts breaking up was for the best. There were tears building in her eyes by now my silence speaking volumes.

"Niall."

"I have to."



I was in Mullingar a week earlier then expected. I was getting restless at home by myself. I was staying away from everyone by locking myself in my house watching hours of Football highlights. Eventually i figured it was London that had me down and going back to Ireland always made me feel better.

Sam and I had had zero contact since she left my house. I had tried to ask about Olly but my messages went unanswered. She would be Brighton for Christmas with Olly and hopefully after when I was back in London she would let me see Olly.

"Happy to be back?" Denise was smiling at me as she tried to burp Theo.

Being around my nephew made me realize how much of Olly's life I had missed. There was two years of his life that I would have gladly been there for him and Sam. It made me want to be there for him even more now that we were a family. In the days since we broke up I came to the conclusion that we could still be a family even if we weren't together.

"Yeah I'm happy. Miss my son more then I thought I would though."

From the knowing look Denise was giving me Greg had told her what had happened between Sam and I. "It's complete shite."

"I'm trying to understand her but I just can't."

"Maybe she needs time?" I had thought the same. "The situation is shit but you'll get through this Ni, you're strong. That's what makes you such a good father to Olly."

"Lovely to see me bride and me brother gettin' on well." Greg sat down next to his wife and son a plate of sweets in his hand. He bit off the head of a ginger bread man crumbs falling into his beard. "Watcha talking about?"

Denise exchanged Theo for the plate of sweets hungrily eyeing them. "Niall misses Olly."

"Ya know if you just adopted him like I've been tellin' ya for months this wouldn't be a problem."

I had thought about adopting Olly many times before. It was never an option I thought of too seriously I always had faith that Sam would keep to her word. She was selfish though, always had been, and I was naive enough to believe she would put Olly before herself. Making my Olly my son officially was a step I was more then ready to take it was just convincing Sam it was good idea that was going to be the hard part.

"Come on!" Mum rushed into the room hands wildly gesturing as she spoke. "We've got to get to yer Gran's!"

It was a Horan holiday which meant I wouldn't have much time to overthink my current situation. It was perfect. If I was lucky there would only be a dull ache in my chest from missing the two most important people in my life.

Greg let Denise take baby Theo from him so he could hang back with me. "You look stressed."

I gave him a blank look. "Thanks."

"What's bothering you most right now? Sam or Lena."

The truth was they were both equally taking up space in my mind. When I wasn't worrying about Lena I was thinking about Sam. They were both so different but so a like at the same time that it made my head spin sometimes.

"Right now, Sam." Sam was and always would be my main priority no matter how much Lena fought for the number one spot in my head. "I live her ya know. It makes things harder."

"You broke up for a reason though, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then ya did the right thing. Don't worry about her right now, you're young and famous. What more could ya want?" Although Greg had a point my life just wasn't right without her and Olly.

"None of the fame matters if I don't have her and my son with me. Nothing feels right without them." Greg was a new dad if anyone I felt like he would understand. "They're my world."

"You'll find away to get them back." Greg pulled me in for a hug. "I know you and I know you won't let them go."

"C'mon you two we haven't got all day!" Mum stood in the door hands on her hips. "I'm happy to see you two gettin' on but we have to go."

I laughed at her words as Greg and I passed by her both of us giving her a kiss on the cheek. She swatted us away mumbling under her breath about us until we were finally in the car.



It was Christmas Eve and I was two glasses of spiked eggnog past my limit. Between talking to the family I rarely had a free moment to visit and going back for more eggnog I hadn't had time to think about how much I wanted Sam and Olly with me. I was asked about them regularly most of my family had no idea we had broken up. I smiled and formed the best answer I could about them.

Sam and Olly had come with me to Ireland before the last tour started. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with them at the same time that I needed to see my family. Sam had been nervous, she had only met my mum and Greg at that point, she was going into the middle of my extended family. Olly hadn't met any of my family but he was more excited about being on a plane for the first time. I was more then ready to show them around Mullingar and show them off to my family.

Sam had her worries about how she and Olly would be welcomed into the family. I knew my family pretty well and as long as they were apart of my life my family would accept them. The six days we spent in Mullingar had solidified my beliefs that Sam was the girl my dreams. She had easily slipped into my family getting along with everyone she met. It brought is closer together as a family to be around my tight knit family unlike how we felt whenever we left Brighton after spending a few hours with her mother.

After refilling my glass with the last bit of eggnog I was left to my own for the first time in the two weeks I had been home. All most everyone had gone to the sitting room filing the small space to capacity and it was the type of claustrophobic situation I wasn't quite in the mood for. Leaving the kitchen where my mum was concocting more eggnog while my aunt when on and on about the holiday she was planning. I slipped past them heading for the backdoor needing a cigarette more then I needed to socialize.

The backyard was empty it was too cold out for anyone to spend too much time outside. I slumped down onto the step in front of the door grabbing the cigarette I had had sitting on my ear all night lighting it with one of the lighters that had been left outside by one of my relatives. I sat there taking a few drags from it for a few minutes letting the nicotine and alcohol soak in. There always comes a point when you've reached the right amount of drunkenness that you have to call that one person your mind keeps wondering back to. If I was lucky she would answer and we'd have a pleasant conversation, although the more likely outcome was she wouldn't answer at all. I still had to try even with the chances of a conversation with her were slim.

As I listened to the ringing I took another drag from my cigarette trying to still the shake my hands had to them from the nervousness coursing through my veins. It had been so long since we had spoken, it may have been less then a month but it felt ten times as long. I had missed her in every part of my being and just hearing her voice would keep me together for just a little while longer.

"Hello." Her voice was shaky like she wasn't sure if she wanted to speak.

"Hey." I sighed my eyes slipping closed at the sound of her voice. "Happy Christmas."

"Same to you."

I gulped my words caught on my tongue. I didn't know what to say to her now. There had been a point when I couldn't shut up around her my words always coming naturally. Things had changed so much I didn't know what to do.

"Do you want to talk to Olly?" I wasn't sure if she was asking because she knew I wanted to or because she couldn't talk to me herself.

"Yeah, I've missed his voice." It was easier to hide behind Olly then to admit that it wasn't just his voice I had missed.

There was a second of silence before I heard the noise of a Christmas party from her end. I was nearing the end of my cigarette as I kept sucking down as much nicotine as I could to settle my nerves down.

"Daddy?"

"Hey buddy." A smile instantly lit up my face. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas." His voice sounded far away I could just imagine him trying to hold the phone up to his ear. "Where are you?"

"I'm with grandma in Ireland." There was a lump in my throat constricting my breathing. "I wish I was with you instead though."

"Why?"

"Because I miss you, so much." I smashed the cigarette into the concrete next to me trying to focus on that instead of the tightening in my chest.

"I miss you too. Mummy says to say goodbye."

"Ok, goodbye buddy. I'll try calling tomorrow. I want to know what Santa brought you alright?"

"Uh huh."

"I love you."

"I love you too daddy."

I knew Sam had taken the phone but we were both silent for a long time. Long enough that if it hadn't been for the sound of the party going in around her I would have thought she had hung up. I tried to breath though the sadness creeping up but it was getting harder he longer I stayed on the phone even if we were silent I could feel the distance between us; both in location and in our hearts.

"I'm sorry." It came out in a sob like Sam had been silently crying the whole time we had been silent but couldn't keep in any longer. "For keeping him from you. He hasn't stopped asking to see you."

"I want to see him when I'm back in London." I wasn't going to let her know how upset I was with her for keeping him from me. I could tell she felt guilty enough as it was. "I have some presents to give him. My mum went a bit crazy this year."

"We can do that."

"Maybe we could talk again." I knew the second she left my flat that we would get back together at some point we weren't the type of people to let go that easily. "I've missed you a lot."

"I've missed you too."

"We'll figure this out."

"I know. I have to go Olly's trying to open presents by himself." She laughed but I could hear the underlying sadness there. "Call tomorrow?"

"I told Olly I would."

"Alright, good."

We said a quick goodbye wishing each other a good rest of our nights. I stayed outside until I couldn't stand the cold anymore. The noise inside had gone up a decibel. The lump in my throat grew smaller and the tightness in my chest eased away as I brought my glass of eggnog to my lips. In a few short days I'd have Olly and Sam back that was enough to get me though the rest of this holiday without them.