You Could Be My Compass

“Alex, you’re going the wrong way.”

Confused, Alex glanced over at Jack. “Uh…no I’m not?”

“Yeah you are! You said Cassadee lives just past the middle school. You’re going the opposite direction,” he explained, like it was obvious. Which, to him, it was.

Alex mentally face-palmed. Of course Jack thought he was going the wrong way. “Our middle school burned down. The new one’s way nicer,” he said, right as they passed it. He slowed down so Jack could get a good look at it.

“Wow…” The envy was obvious in that one syllable, and Alex didn’t know if it was because it was way better than the old school, or the fact that he hadn’t even gotten a full year in the first one.

“Yeah. You can thank your mom for that. She funded the entire thing right before the divorce. The auditorium is in her honor and the library is in yours.”

Jack grinned. “That’s awesome!”

Before even thinking it through, Alex turned into the parking lot. The others could wait a little while longer, right? “Wanna check it out?”

“Isn’t the school closed for the summer?” he reminded him. He glanced at the building in front of him in awe. The library was huge for a relatively medium-sized middle school—an entire annex, rather than just a room inside. So much easier to get into.

“Oh, come on. You’ve never really lived until you’ve broken into a school library.” He dug around for his pocketknife amongst the wrappers and papers and receipts. “Besides, we’re Jack and Alex. We can get away with anything.”

So they hopped off and walked to the door, Alex casually and Jack a little awkwardly. It was less than thirty seconds of wiggling the knife to get it unlocked. While the school itself was nice, the locks were only so-so because there wasn’t much of a risk of a real break-in here. Alex swung the door open. “Ta-da!”

“Have you done this before?” Jack asked suspiciously, going in after Alex.

He waved his hand dismissively, like it wasn’t a big deal. “A few times, yeah, maybe.” When he saw Jack raising his eyebrows at him, he went into a little more of an explanation. “It’s a good place to think. It’s quiet. Weekends, nights, breaks…there’s no one here. You can be alone for a while without anybody bugging you. It’s nice.” Grabbing Jack’s hand, he led him to the left wing of the library. “I’ll show you the Jack Barakat Dedication Wall.”

Jack was expecting a little plaque on the wall with his name.

He was not expecting what he saw.

It was literally an entire wall. There were no shelves against it. We miss you, Jack! was painted in huge letters at the top. Beneath it, there were pictures—of him, of other people with him, of his family, of things he liked—and notes—about him, addressed to him—tacked to the wall. There were messages scribbled on the wall itself, some signed and dated, others left anonymously. There were lyrics in what appeared to be Alex’s handwriting.

“That’s…” Jack struggled to find the right words to describe it. What could he say?

Alex stood behind him, admiring the wall. “Everyone really missed you, Jacky,” he whispered, resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder.

Jack smiled and scanned over some of what was written on the wall. One caught his eye because the bright red marker looked really recent. He stooped to his knees to read it.

You could be my compass
Teach me how to read these broken lines
Hold me like a lover
We’ll find a way to run away tonight
Tell me when it’s over
Promise that you’ll always keep me in mind
Burning like a solider
I’ll find my way to you and save the day

Welcome home, Jack!
I always knew you’d come back.

The handwriting there was definitely Alex’s. Jack turned his head at a funny angle to look at him. “When did you write this? I’ve been at your house literally all day and I’ve spent every night there.

Alex crouched next to him. “Shh. Don’t question the master.”

“So you just expect me to accept the fact that somehow while I’ve been staying with you, you managed to sneak out, break into a school library, and graffiti the wall…without me noticing?”

Alex nodded. “Basically. But to be fair, it’s not graffiti. It’s a ‘community mural’ or something. I dunno. Anyone can write on it.”

He shook his head. “Still, you did that without me even realizing you were gone? That’s pretty impressive, Lex.” He pointed at the last line of the lyrics. “Why’d you write so dark on this line?”

“Eh, it seemed important.” Alex shrugged. “You know, if you hadn’t come back by graduation, I planned on…well, pretty much finding my way to you and saving the day.”

Alex was blushing and Jack was grinning and their faces were closer than they’d realized and Alex couldn’t help but think about kissing him and without thinking they both leaned forward a little and

Alex’s god damn phone started buzzing.

He sighed dramatically and pulled back, working on extracting the thing from his pocket. When he did, he didn’t even have to hold it to his ear to hear Lisa screeching on the other end. “Where are you guys? Everyone’s already here and we’re waiting for you!”

Cassadee’s voice took over. Hers was calmer, less loud. “Alex, I know you’re not the world’s greatest driver and you’ve been known to run into mailboxes and baby trees—”

“They’re called saplings!” came Zack’s distant voice in the background.

She continued like he hadn’t spoken. “—and a couch on the side of the road and other cars and that little old lady in the mall parking lot that I wasn’t supposed to mention ever again, but so help me, if you’ve been in an accident and gotten the two of you killed, I’m going to resurrect you just so I can fucking murder you.”

“Cass, if we were dead I wouldn’t’ve answered. We’re almost there.” And he hung up. “Sorry about that. Uh, anyways…ready to go?”

Jack stood up slowly, a look of uncertainty on his face. “Yeah…of course.” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

Alex could sense that something was on his mind, but he didn’t push the subject. What if it wasn’t the same thing that was on his mind?

When they were back at the car, he asked, “Did you really run over an old lady?”

Alex knew that wasn’t what he’d been thinking about back at the library, but he answered anyway. “I didn’t run over her. I may have accidentally gently bumped into her with my car. I maintain that she jumped in front of me.”

“And I’m trusting you to drive me?” He fake-panicked, gripping the seat tightly.

Alex responded by swerving unnecessarily, crossing the middle line, almost running off the side of the road. Jack laughed nervously, because he honestly hadn’t had much experience riding with Alex yet, so he didn’t actually know if he was a bad driver. Alex continued the jerky steering until a red and blue light started flashing behind them.

“Fuck!” they both half-shouted as Alex pulled over.

The officer sighed. “You again, Gaskarth? God, it’s been a while. You know the drill.”

Alex’s face was burning and he ignored the quizzical look he just knew Jack was giving him. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been good.” He stepped out of the car, lazy grin plastered on.

He made him walk a straight line and gave him a breathalyzer test. “So what’s your excuse?”

“Scaring the shit out of Jack,” he told him with a smirk.

“Good to have you back,” the officer said to Jack, tipping his hat. “Drive safer. You know better.” And then he drove off.

“First off, I fucking hate you so fucking much, Alex fucking Gaskarth. Oh my fucking god,” Jack started the second Alex was back in. “Secondly, why the fuck do you ‘know the drill’?”

“First off, no you don’t. Secondly, a piece of constructive criticism: the amount of times you just said fuck is a bit excessive. Third, it’s one of those long and boring stories that I don’t care to bore you with.”

Before Jack could prod him about it, they were pulling up a long, winding driveway. “Quick warning: Cass’s parents are what one might refer to as eccentric. They’ve got weird stuff all over, so be careful.”

“What kind of weird stuff?”

“You know…replica of a Tesla coil, taxidermy, voodoo dolls, a few movie props, posters for obscure horror movies from the 1930s…do I need to keep going or have you got it? Just don’t knock anything over or get fingerprints on stuff. Do. Not. Touch. Anything.”

They got out and walked in. The house was small, but the inside was full of weird objects, just like Alex said. “Finally!” Lisa yelled, stumbling over, drink in hand. “Want something to drink?”

Jack looked at Alex, eyes narrowed. He hadn’t mentioned it’d be one of those parties.

Alex’s eyes were wide. He hadn’t had any idea it would be one of those parties. Too many people and too much alcohol. Not his scene at all. Certainly not Jack’s. “Rian!” he called, gesturing for him to come over. He yanked his arm and pulled him aside. “I thought…”

“I’m so sorry! Lisa got out of hand and…I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s okay. Just…help me keep an eye on Jack? I don’t want something to happen to him.”

Lisa was pouring Jack a drink when they got back to him, and he accepted. “Sure you don’t want anything, Alex?” she asked.

“Alex doesn’t drink anymore, Lisa,” Rian interjected quickly. “You know that.”

“Anymore?” Jack repeated, gagging on the vodka mixed with Mountain Dew, Lisa’s drink of choice. He put it back on the counter and pushed it away.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? Alex was a real big partier,” Lisa babbled. “We think he got alcohol poisoning once, but we’re not sure.”

Alex glared. “Lisa…please stop.”

She didn’t. “He drank, like, every weekend. He got a DUI once but his dad got him out of it. Rian’s the one that made him quit. Kind of like when—”

Cassadee arrived just in time, covering Lisa’s mouth with one hand and hissing angrily in her ear. Nobody could hear what she was saying, but Alex had a hunch. As Cassadee dragged Lisa away, Alex nervously turned to Jack. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asked, looking sad. Alex had kept something from him. They were supposed to be best friends, but everyone else got to know about Alex’s past, while Jack was left in the dark. He couldn’t help but feel hurt.

“I didn’t want you to think any less of me. I made some stupid mistakes, but that’s not me anymore.”

“Well…can you tell me what Lisa was going to say? You know, before Cass stopped her?”

“No. I can’t. And neither can Rian or Cass or Zack or a sober Lisa, so please don’t ask. I’m not keeping anything from you. It’s just something I don’t like talking about and you wouldn’t want to hear about.”

Jack pouted but didn’t try to argue. A girl he’d never seen before ran up to him and gave him a hug. “I’m so happy you’re back!” she screamed. “I missed you!”

In answer to Jack’s unasked who is this, Alex said out loud, “No idea.”

Alex was bored. Since he’d sworn off drinking, he hadn’t gone to any of these types of parties. He sat on a couch and watched the drunken idiots being…well, drunken idiots. Jack had stalked off shortly after Alex refused to tell him anything, but when he passed by, he looked glum. Alex hated keeping secrets from him, but this was one thing he didn’t want to divulge.

All the girls were hitting on Jack. He was uncomfortable but made an effort to smile politely and flirt back. Alex rolled his eyes at his awkwardness. Since the one sip, he hadn’t had anything else to drink, not that Alex had seen. After about an hour, he plopped down next to him. “Have we been here long enough that it wouldn’t be rude if we left?” he sighed.

“Waffle House?” was Alex’s reply.

“Hell yeah. Come on, come on, come on, I haven’t eaten there in so long!” Now that the suggestion was out there, Jack was an eager little puppy.

Waffle House was one of Jack’s favorite places in the world. Alex didn’t really understand the attraction. Sure, the waffles were to die for and the hash browns were pretty damn good, but besides that…okay, yeah, that was reason enough for the attraction. They ordered the same thing, their usual: chocolate chip waffles.

“God, this is so good,” Jack said around a mouthful.

Alex reached forward and wiped chocolate off his chin. “You can slow down. I’m not gonna take it from you.”

“Shut up,” he whined. “It’s been a while and it’s fucking delicious. Let me eat how I want to.”

A tall redheaded woman approached them. “You’re Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth, right?” she asked.

They nodded. Both had full mouths and, while it was fine to talk to each other like that, it was rude around other people.

“I’m running an article to tie in with the news special they’re about to run about you.” She showed them her press badge. “Mind if we set up an interview?”

They worked out the details with her. Along with her, the local news station’s camera crew and anchor would be at Alex’s house in just a couple days for a lengthy interview.

When she was gone, Jack sarcastically mumbled, “Well, this’ll be fun…”