Daylight

Zayn had been in America for a week and in that week I really hadn’t done much. I spent a lot of time just lying around in my room, and watching stupid shows on the telly. I only cried the first two days, and then I slipped into this more numb state. I really left my room to eat in the kitchen with Brendon. According to Brendon he was growing more and more concerned with the way I was acting. I knew that he was keeping Zayn up to date on how I was acting. I walked in on Brendon in the morning talking to somebody, and telling them how he was concerned for me. I was making sure he saw me eat every day, because they last thing I needed him to do was think my eating disorder was back.

I walked out into the kitchen to find Brendon sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him. He looked up at me like he was trying to examine me, before he looked back down at his laptop and started typing away again.

“What was that look for?” I asked speaking up.

He gave me an odd look before saying, “Jude are you suicidal?”

I almost busted up laughing at his question. I loved how since I was recovering from an eating disorder people was assumed there were a million other things wrong with me. “You did not just ask me that,” I asked walking towards the fridge.

“Jude I’m worried about you, all you do is lay around in your room,” he said closing his laptop.

“I’m heartbroken, not suicidal,” I said with an annoyed look on my face. “Just because I had an eating disorder doesn’t mean I want to die. I made a mistake and I regret getting as bad as I did. Hell if I could go back and take everything back I would. People need to start trusting me again, I’ve learned from my mistake and don’t ever planning on doing it again. The only thing that is wrong with me now is I’m heartbroken that I managed to lose my boyfriend because of that mistake. So I’m sorry if I’m spending a lot of time alone in my room,” I said finally getting into the anger stage from the break up. “Would you rather I lay on the couch and cry my eyes out so I’m not alone in my room?” I asked as he had a shocked look on his face from everything I had just said to him.

“I’m sorry Jude I’m just worried about you,” Brendon said walking over and wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

“Well there is nothing to worry about,” I said pulling away from him. “Oh and you can tell Zayn I’m okay, I’m taking the break up just fine.”

Brendon gave me an odd look before saying, “he texted me every day asking how you are only because I loves you.”

“Yeah well I love him too,” I said walking out of the kitchen towards me room.

When I got to my room I walked over to my bed and just laid down and stared at the telly that I had left on and watched and a rerun of Towie played. I stared at the telly until I felt my mobile vibrate next me. I looked at it to see text from Zayn.

I’ll be home tomorrow. Can we please talk? Xx