Determination

One day soon, everything is going to be okay. James has had his out burst, Sidney has had his outburst, Jordan had quite an episode today, it's just me and March left. After she and I crack (well I suppose she did crack already, I'm holing her as she sobs into my shoulder in a fucking hotel room. You don't get a lot more broken then that)

But one day, everything will go back to normal, after there are a few more tests on this team's unity.

MARCH'S POV

I let Marc Andre go back to the house, I needed time to get my thoughts together. I have to fix things with so many people. I don't know how a lot of people feel about me right now, so I don't know how they'll recieve my apology.

Someone once told me to straighten up my own house before cleaning someone else's. Well I might as well go through my own house first. I need to apologize to everyone there, Jordan, James Marc Andre and especially Kris and Sidney. I owe those two the biggest apology.

And outside the house, Geno, Coach (I had destroyed every shred of unity the most united team in the National Hockey League has. It's actually extremely sad and not something I'm proud of at all.) And I pissed Kuni off in practice too.

I drove home, and the house was virtually empty. The only blonde hockey player living here sat at the kitchen table, not taking his eyes off of his iPhone screen. "Jordy," I started, and his ice blue gaze fixed me, holding me in place. He didn't say anything, as an invitation for me to continue. "I'm really sorry about practice. I know that it was all my fault, and I'm really REALLY sorry, I don't even know what to say," I looked at his face, a little bit of a black eye starting to appear and I winced. "I'm so sorry Jordan. Really."

He smiled, "It's okay kid. Really, it is. I think Sid's a little messed up, even though I'm almost sure he was the first priority on your list, and only talked to me first because I'm right here." I smiled, it was the truth. "We're not blind March, we all see the way you look at him, and we all see the way he looks back at you. He's upstairs now, and he seemed a little shaken up. You can do this."

"Thanks Jordy." I said, taking off upstairs to fix everything that had gone wrong with Sidney Crosby, by bestfriend or boyfriend or maybe even just team mate. Hopefully AT LEAST a LITTLE more than just some other team mate. I've always wanted to be special and this is no different.

I walked into my own room first, and to my surprise I found Sidney sitting on my bed looking at my walls. He jumped when I said quietly, "Oh, Sidney."

His eyes captured mine, and he gave me an unexplainable stare that killed me inside. It was a mixture of a glare and a hurt glance. "March," He said, after he tore his eyes from mine.

I sat down next to him and didn't say anything. Before I even found the words to speak he cut in, "I thought you cared! I really did think that you cared about me! I was there for you when you were upset, why can't you be there for me when I need you most?"

I couldn't even think straight, but I don't have to be able to think straight to hear the hurt in his voice and to know that he's right. "Sidney you probably won't believe me when I say that I do care and that I'm really, really REALLY sincerely sorry. I should have let you up to my room, and I know that you were upset about out team mates and I really should have been able to see that you were in distress, but I was too. I wanted time to get ny thiught together without you or James's input. I understand if you're mad. Hell, I would be mad at me too. In fact I would never speak to me again." I said, in all honesty. "So I totally get the fact that you're pretty pissed at me, and I just want you to know that I do understand."

He didn't respond to my apology speech, and I got off the bed and started to leave. "Wait." He said. "I need a second to get my thoughts together. Please just wait for a second."

I took that as an invitation to sit down next to him again on the bed. He closed his eyes and sighed. "I just really needed you. I know it might feel like I'm just here for you, but it's not a one way deal per se, I need you to be there for me too. I'm mad at myself for going at it in practice for something..." I knew he wanted to say so stupid, but seemed to decide it wasn't stupid at all. "I was mean to Staalzy and he took a swing at me, and when I tried to punch him back I ended up clocking one of our number one defenseman. I'm mad at myself. And I needed you because I'm upset with myself and I know you are one of the rare people in this world who can genuinly make somebody feel good about themselves. So I'm sorry for everything I did and when I was mad at myself I took it out on other people, oter people being you and I managed to make myself even more mad at myself. And I really am sorry. To you, and to James, and to Jordan and especially to Kris. I hope he's okay."

I listened to him as he talked and I could tell he really was sorry to everyone he listed. I nodded and gave him a hug (well, i kinda hugged his shoulder, and he rested his head on mine)

When his gaze finally met my green eyes again, he looked really distraught. "How do I FIX it? I have to apologize to EVERYONE on the team, and I need to apologize to everyone a million times over if Kris is out for even one game."

I rolled my eyes and even though it sounded bitchy I ended up saying, "Look Crosby they'll be just fine once you score a hat trick against the Washington Capitals on whatever day we actually play them. James, Marc Andre and Jordan will forgive you easily, I mean they live here, they can't stay mad at you for very long anyway."

Sidney came close to laughing. He said, "You know, I know I was right. You can genuinely make anyone feel good about themselves."

I grinned, "Well Sidney Crosby can't just gave a low self esteem now can he?"

He smiled a little bit, "You're awesome."

I replied, "That's the biggest lie ever. The only thing I'm awesome at is hockey."

We shared a laugh, and Sidney said, "Oh and you know how you said Flowers, Staalsy, Tanger and Nealer will all forgive easily, you know, because they live here?"

I nodded and he made a face and said "Welllll, you're probably right about the Jordan, Marc Andre Kris factor."

I got what he was saying. "Look, just because it was James that you fought with does not mean at all that he won't forgive you. You two live too close together for you two to stay mad at each other."

Sidney made the same fce and again said, "Wellll, yeah that would be true. But Real Deal decided that it's better for us to just be apart, and I don't deserve another chance."

I looked at him in confusion. Did I miss something? What happened? "Sid what are you talking about?"

That face again. And the exaggerated "Wellllll, Real Deal James Neal left. And moved in with Dupuis and Kuni. So, he Doesn't have the ''no choice but to make up with Sidney" option." Sidney said.

I sputtered, "But he's... But James, but NO! He didn't just, but no! He didn't just move out of here! Not away from you and Flower and Jordy and Kris and me and the game room and the pool table he loves so much. He just... He just... He just NO! He didn't!" I said, clearly upset.

Sidney put a hand on my shoulder, "It's alright. Once he finds out you're back and I'm not going to kill anyone i'm sure that he'll be back too."

I sighed, "You really think so?" I can't imagine living with Jordan an Sidney and Marc Andre and Kris WITHOUT living with James too. It's a whole different, new and possibly undesired group.

I bit my lip, "Well okay. Maybe you can come with me and we can talk to him."

Sidney got up and nodded. I stood up too, but then he sat back down on my bed, and I instinctively sat down on the bed beside him.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He shook his head, but spoke. "March, do you know WHY this is happening?" He asked as evenly as he possibly could.

No. No one will tell me! "I ask everyone, I asked Pascal when I came back from the locker room, you know because Staalzy told me that my hockey stick looked like it was bent at a weird angle and it wouldn't be good to play with it. But anyway when I came back I asked Pascal why you and James were throwing punches, an he told me I didn't want to know."

"Good ol' Pascal Dupuis." Sid muttered under his breath, and I wondered if he intended for me to hear his comment, so I chose not to reply. "Anyway, it's sort of a... not a triangle thing. More of a... diamond or rhombus thing I guess. But I also suppose the shape isn't really the fact of the matter, is it? But anyway, it's between, me, James Neal and Marc Andre Fleury. We all..." He tried to find a good vocab word to explain himself. "Well, we all have a 'crush' on you I guess." He made air quotes around the word 'crush.'

I let it sink in. It was no secret to me that James liked me, and no secret that Sidney liked me. But Marc Andre? He seems like just a friend. "Marc Andre too?" I asked in surprise. "He seems more into me as just like a best friend figure, you know?"

Sidney said, "It's always the quiet ones." and I couldn't help but giggle. "But anyway, it went way over the line today. I ended up in a fist fight with James about it... And I don't mean to make you feel bad, and you're not DIRECTLY the cause, but you were indirectly the cause of all the punches thrown today at the practice rink."

I needed another minute to organize the thoughts in my head that are blowing around like a wicked windstorm. Which questions to ask, and which are better left unsaid. Whic comments I should make, and which to keep to myself.

I finally gave up on trying to keep the tornado of thoughts and questions and comments inside, and just let it all out. "Who am I supposed to choose?"

Sidney gave a pained smile. "Well March, I think that's something YOU will have to decide for yourself."

SIDNEY'S POV

I saw her face change, and the thoughts swirl around inside of her head. She asked me, "Well, who am I supposed to choose?"

I gave her a smile, or tried to. It was a fake smile and we both knew it too. I killed to just say, "Me. You are supposed to choose me." But I can't just throw that at her, it'll throw everything off for everyone. The words that escaped from my lips were: "Well March, I think that's something that YOU will have to decide for yourself."

She looked lost. "Who am I EXPECTED to choose? By the team?"

I think we both know that the answer is ME. Even being honest with myself I'm pretty sure that the answer is me. But if I tell her that she might be a little thrown off and think I'm lying because she knows I want her so badly.

I shrugged, "If I'm bein honest, me."

Her brilliant green eyes were confused and she said, "But, do I have to chose?"

Time to be fully honest with her. "Yes." I said. "You saw that scene from earlier today, it will only get worse I think."

March let out a long breath. "But just say I chose James. Would you physically fight with him like you did at practice earlier today?" She asked.

I wondered about that. In my spare time, I might not be able to keep my fists off of his face. But that would be reported right back to March if it were James, so I wouldn't do that. "No," I admitted. "I'd be Sad for sure, but if he can really make you happy, I would keep my inner rage to myself and I wouldn't hit him."

She nodded, and was quiet. I would love to be inside her head and know what she's thinking. "Oh." She said finally.

I nodded and gave her a smile, "But hey, that's not the main concern right now is it? That can be the concern AFTER we win the Stanley Cup! Now we can just focus on the reason that we are both here."

"For hockey." We said together.

It sounded like some sort of deal that we were making, putting everything we have aside for hockey. As if we're doing something for James painfully, but saying 'For James' anyway.

We botg grinned and March said, "It sounds good. For hockey."

I put my hands in the air and she put hers on top of mine and we said, "For Hockey!" before we raised our arms in some slrt of retarted cheer.

She said, "I'm really glad you're not really mad at me anymore."

I replied with, "I'm really glad that you're not really mad at me anymore. I don't know, I just thought that you might be."

She smiled that beautiful smile. I'm so surprised that she's only had ONE official boyfriend, Danny, and he actually CHEATED on her. She's so beautiful and so kind, how could you possibly take someone like her for granted. If I was her boyfriend I'd be the best boyfriend ever.

I kissed her forehead. "We can deal with this mess in the off season. For hockey."

"For hockey." We agreed.

"Sid?" She asked me.

"What?"

She stopped herself, "Oh never mind, I'll tell you later"

I gave her a grin and told her, "I'll most certainly hold you to that. Are we going to go talk to James or what?"

March nodded, "Yeah. Maybe we should just wait, something tells me he'll be home for dinner, don't you think?"

I heard what she said, but pretty much all I heard, or all I got out of it anyway was that she wants to put off James until after dinner which is still two hours away. Which means that I might have a high chance of getting March Wilson to be MY girlfriend, and no one elses. The thought of March being my girlfriend makes me smile for no reason at all. Everytime i think about her I smile like some creepy stalker. But she really does have that affect on me, and she has the same affect on Marc Andre and James too.

I can only hope that I really am her front runner.