So Long and Goodnight...

You woke up to Mikey jumping on the couch above you saying, "Helena, wake up," over and over again. As soon as he saw you begin to lift your head he leaped for you. You turned your head just in time to see him coming straight towards you. You gasped and rolled out from under him just before his feet hit the floor.

"What the fuck, you fucking psycho! Are you trying to kill me, or does that just come naturally to you," you yelled at Mikey.

"I vote for the second one," Frank yelled from the downstairs bathroom, which was right off the living room.

You heard Don snicker as he came down the stairs from the room he and Donna shared. He was in the process of trying to tie his tie ...and failing miserably.

"Aw, shit," he said giving up and calling for Donna.

She stuck her head out of the kitchen, took one look at her husband and started laughing. He could NEVER tie a tie the right way.

"Hey. This is harder than it looks," he said smiling at Donna.

"Oh, come here," she sighed with a smile as she walked over to him.

She quickly tied the tie and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. She was about to turn and walk back to the kitchen when Don grabbed her by the waist, pulled her close, and kissed her passionately.

"Aww," you and Mikey cooed in unison, leaning your heads together.

"Eww," You heard Gerard say from somewhere near the top of the stairs.

You looked up at him and drew your breath in sharply. He was beautiful. His hair was tossed about on his head in a way that made it look like he had just woken up but to you, it looked absolutely perfect. He was wearing a black, sleeveless shirt that was frayed where the sleeves would've started and said "Reject" in red across the front, and a pair of baggy, black pants with black straps hanging off both sides by silver rings and crossing over in the back. He had his usual black eyeliner, a black sweatband on his left wrist and, of course, his most prized possession: the silver bat belt buckle his Grandpa had given to him the day he passed away. It seemed like he was surrounded by a heavenly aura but you knew it was only your imagination.

Somewhere in your sub-conscious mind you saw Mikey stand up beside you. Sensing it was almost time to go, you decided to stand up too and realized you were staring at Gerard and smiling like an idiot. You forced yourself to pry your eyes away from him and as you did you turned to see Mikey staring at you, a stupid grin plastered on his face. The smile you had been wearing disappeared, your eyes grew wide, and you felt every ounce of blood drain from your face.

"Shut up," you mouthed to him but his smile only grew wider.

"Hey, you guys ready to go yet," Gerard yelled up to Bob and Ray.

"Almost," they yelled back together.

"Hey Mikey," Gerard said shifting his gaze to his little brother. "You know where Frank is?"

"In the bathroom," he replied with a 'I-know-something-you-don't-know' smile spread across his face.

"Why are you smiling like that," Gerard asked curiously, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

He did pour a whole glass of water on him this morning. Mikey glanced over at you and you felt your face get hot as you turned your head away from both Mikey and Gerard. You pretended to be fiercely studying one of the nails on your right hand as if you would find the secret of life in the black, shiny surface.

"No reason," Mikey said slyly, his smile never faltering.

"Oookayyy?" Gerard mused, a very confused look coming to his face before finally giving up and turning toward the bathroom in search of Frank.

As soon as he was out of sight, you turned and punched Mikey hard in the shoulder.

"OW!" he yelled grabbing his arm in pain and falling backwards onto the couch.

"Fucker," you muttered as you slipped by him and outside to smoke a cigarette.

The cool, night breeze flew quickly past you, surprising you and making your hair dance across your face. You welcomed it. It was somewhere around 8:30 and the sky wasn't totally black yet. A few stray rays of sunlight still pierced the thick clouds to dimly light the sky and turn it a dark, ominous shade of gray. The wind was picking up. Maybe there would be a storm tonight.

You jumped up to sit on the white porch railing and, using your hand to shield the lighter flame from the relentless wind, lit your cigarette. You took a long, satisfying drag and closed your eyes as you inhaled the sweet taste even deeper into your lungs. You opened them as you blew out the smoke and watched as the wind swiftly carried it away. Your thoughts kept wandering. The wind smoked more of your cigarette than you did. You knew what held you thoughts but you still felt torn about it...

Gerard. The man who, for nine years, had been your best friend, your brother, your confidant, your guardian angel. The man who, for five years, had been an innocent cute little childhood crush. Nothing more. Harmless play. But now ...it was so much more serious than that. You felt shy and self-conscious around him. You found yourself staring at the floor, straightening your clothes and running your hands through your hair more when Gerard was in the room. You wanted to be perfect for him. ...Why?

'Because, stupid,' you thought quietly to yourself as the Avril Lavigne song came to you... '...he's worth it.'

Actually, that song described exactly how you felt for him. It was crazy. Everything you felt came out in that song. Without being fully aware of it you started singing as you put your cigarette out on the railing and flicked it into the middle of the yard.

"I'm tuggin' at my hair.
I'm pullin' at my clothes.
I'm tryin' to keep my cool.
I know it shows.
I'm staring at my feet.
My cheeks are turning red.
I'm searching for the words
inside my head.

I'm feeling nervous,
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it.
You're worth it.
Yeah.

If I could say what I want to say,
I'd say "I want to blow you ...away,
Be with you every night.
Am I squeezing you too tight?"
If I could see what I want to see,
I want to see you go down ...on one knee.
Marry me today.
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say.

It don't do me any good.
It's just a waste of time.
What use is it to you
What's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out,
We're not going anywhere.
So why can't I just tell you
That I care?

Cause I'm feeling nervous,
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it.
You're worth it.
Yeah."

You would've sung the rest of the song but as soon as you went into the second chorus another, far more beautiful voice joined yours and you almost fell off the railing. You heard soft laughter and your stomach and heart switched positions.

"That's a good song," Gerard said stepping out of the shadow he was hiding in on the porch.

"You scared the fuck out of me," you admitted shakily.

Gerard acted like he was hurt. "Am I really that ugly?"

"No," you said laughing. "You know what I meant."

"Yeah," Gerard laughed back. "You really do have a beautiful voice, though."

You were glad that by now the sun had set and your face was in shadow because you could feel yourself blush.

"Thanks," you said shyly. "You too."

"Hmm," he laughed as if he thought you were just being nice.

This brought a slight frown to your face. You were serious. His voice was the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard. How could he doubt it?

He walked up to the railing where you were sitting and rested his elbows next to you. The moonlight illuminated his face as he gazed up into the nighttime sky. He was so ...perfect. He had a cigarette in his hand and he brought it to his mouth, took a drag on it and released the smoke. The wind was blowing your way and you were happy for it. You breathed deeply as the smoke floated swiftly by you. He smoked Marlboro Red's. God, you loved that smell.

He seemed to be entranced by something. You gazed at him, curious for a moment as to what had him so spellbound. You followed his gaze and you saw it. The moon, just beginning to take center stage for the night was full and beautiful. Already the light it gave off was enough to illuminate everything it touched. Normally, you would be as drawn to it as Gerard but tonight, Gerard seemed to be the thing that commanded the most attention.

You were hypnotized by him. You were killing yourself slowly with this. You had to tell him. You had to say it. Something. Anything. You had to. But you were so scared. ...Of what?

'I should tell him,' you told yourself. 'It's perfect. We're alone ...and it's so beautiful out here ...God, Helena! Just tell him!'

You were very persuasive. You took a deep breath. Gerard put out his cigarette and flicked it into the yard. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was time.

"Gerard," you said with more confidence than you felt.

"Hmm," he said softly, the moon still holding him captive.

You wanted so bad to be that moon.

"I need to tell you something."

He tore his gaze away from the moon to look into your eyes. Oh my god. His eyes. They shone brilliantly in the light from the pure white moon. He looked concerned.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah," you smiled, struggling to keep your nerve up. "Everything's fine."

His eyes were so piercing, like they could see into your soul. What if he knew already? What if he didn't like you like that? What if?

"Well good. Then shoot," he said turning around and leaning backwards on the porch rail., with a crooked grin on his face. He looked up at you. "I'm listening." He smiled warmly.

You smiled back finally ready to say the three words that had the power to make or break you for the rest of your life.

"I lo-"

Just then, the front door opened and Bob, Frank, Ray and Mikey ran out onto the porch and tackled Gerard. They were all wrestling, laughing and joking until Ray looked up and saw the tear sliding silently down your cheek. His smile disappeared.

Ray's P.O.V.

Everyone was FINALLY ready to go. Now that the concert was probably over! We were all about to walk out the door like normal, civilized human beings ...then Mikey got an idea.

"Hey." He said.

You could literally hear the light bulb clicking on above his head. My first thought was ...'Oh fuck.'

"We should just like ...run out there and tackle Gerard."

"Kaaay," Frank said pondering it. "Here's a weird question ...why?"

He thought a minute. "Uhh. Cause I feel like it?"

"...Good enough for me," Frank shrugged.

I raised my eyebrow in thought.

"Eh. Why the hell not?"

What?! I had nothing better to do.

"What are we doing?" Bob asked, leaping down the stairs.

"Tackling Gerard," Mikey explained.

"Ok. Cool."

Bob's always down for anything. We opened the door, ran out like maniacs and tackled Gerard. We had to work a bit to wrestle him to the ground. He's actually a pretty strong guy ...or we're all just really fucking weak.

After a lot of laughing and shouts (mostly "It was Mikey's idea." ) I glanced up because I realized Helena had been left out of all of this. I expected to see her laughing along with us but instead I looked up just in time to see a single tear slide down her face. Every ounce of fun I'd been having immediately went away. I didn't have to think about it for more than two seconds before I got it.

I looked around me. It was beautiful out here. Gerard and Helena finally alone. Helena had finally gotten up her courage. Damnit! She was going to tell him and we ruined it. I felt like an idiot.

Normal P.O.V.

No one but Ray seemed to notice your tear. You just shook your head to try to tell Ray nothing was wrong but even you knew that was absolutely pointless. You would walk away.
He would follow. Guaranteed.

You wiped the tear from your shadowed face and got down off the railing, careful not to step on anyone. You walked around your pile of friends, down the stairs, and across the lawn to Gerard's car, which sat in front of Don's in the stone covered driveway. Not surprising at all ...Ray followed you and jumped up to sit next to you on the trunk of Gerard's car.

"I'm so sorry, Helena. If I would've known " he started.

"But you didn't so whatever. It's fine." You interrupted. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be with him."

Ray studied the sky for a moment and sighed.

"Look, Helena. I know you don't wanna hear it and I know you know I'm gonna say it anyway. I believe that God creates one person, one mate for everyone and I honestly do believe that he made you for Gerard. I mean you guys go together. You guys understand each other."

You were still doubtful and it showed.

"Ok look," Ray said determined to make you understand. "I'm gonna break the sacred oath of male friendship to get my point across."

This made you laugh a bit through your tears.

"Remember that time asshole boy broke up with you when you were thirteen?"

"His name was Kenny," you said laughing.

"Yeah. Whatever the fuck his name was," He said shrugging it off. "He was an asshole. But for some unknown reason you were devastated. The four of us, Mikey, Frank, Bob, and I," he clarified. "were totally stumped. How could you be so sad over someone who treated you like shit? Well Gerard got it. He understood. He told us how it's impossible to have any control whatsoever over who you love. And he explained how even though he was an asshole and treated you like a fucking object ...you loved him ...and it wasn't your fault. Simple as that and he just walked away."

You were amazed.

"He ...He said all that," you asked trying hard to grasp the image of Gerard standing up so passionately for you.

"Yes ma'am," Ray said smiling. "He said all that and more."

You couldn't help but smile. Maybe he really did care.