So Long and Goodnight...

Gerard's P.O.V.

Frank, Mikey, Bob, Ray, Raven, Autumn, Avril, Brooke, Helena, and me.

Oh man.

This was gonna be insane!

As soon as we got in the lights went down.

Right on time.

I stepped in front of Helena and told her to open her eyes. The stage was too dark to see anything and I knew that they would draw a curtain in front of the backdrop that displayed the name of the main band until 30 Seconds was done performing so it was safe.

We all grabbed each others hands and pushed through the crowd until we were in front.

There were small lights mounted on the front of the stage so the audience could see around them.

I glanced over at Helena.

I didn't even think about it I just felt the need to look at her.

She smiled at me and I smiled back.

I don't know what it was, maybe the combination of the lights and the moon ...maybe the fact that she was wearing my pants, but tonight she just looked so ...beautiful?

What the fuck!

Where did that come from?

I hadn't forgotten that she'd wanted to tell me something obviously pretty serious on the porch before my dumb ass brother got a really dumb ass idea and oh ...I would get him back.

Ever since then I'd wanted to pull her aside and tell her that I would make damn sure she got to tell me before this night ended.

She hadn't wanted me to notice but her voice had been shaking when she had started to tell me.

Was she scared of what I would think?

I didn't have time to think about it because the lights on stage started to fade back in as the music started.

I looked at the stage then back at Helena.

I was hoping they wouldn't pick this song to open with.

But she almost never cries or talks to me, or anyone for that matter, about what happened.

That night in the cemetery was a rare occasion.

In her house, crying for any reason is ...forbidden.

There's just no other word for it.

Because of her mother fucking son of a bitch father... (no anger there) it was easier for her to just forget ...and that worries the hell out of me.

She thinks that I don't notice those cuts on her wrists.

So maybe, secretly a part of me was hoping they would play this song.

I was so deep in thought that I hadn't even noticed he'd started singing.

I shifted my gaze back to Helena just in time to see the first tear fall from her clear blue eyes.

Normal P.O.V.

"Trust me," he'd said.

Two simple words.

...Then what was it about them that made you feel so safe?

But you knew the answer to that.

It had nothing to do with the words.

It was the person who spoke them that made you feel so invincible.

You could let your guard down around him.

For once ...you could be yourself.

It wasn't fair at all when he told you to trust him.

Even if you had wanted to, there was no way you could have resisted.

You couldn't deny it any longer and now, the only thing not letting your feelings for Gerard drive you crazy (your denial) was gone.

You loved him.

The realization comforted you and scared the hell out of you at the same time.

The stage was dark when Gerard told you to open your eyes.

Everyone grabbed onto the person in front of them so they didn't get separated and pushed through the crowd until you were right at the foot of the stage.

'Holy shit,' you thought. 'I've never been this close.'

You ended up standing next to Gerard.

God, he was so fucking beautiful!

He glanced over at you and you both smiled at each other.

After about three seconds it started to get really awkward so you shifted your gaze shyly to the ground.

Out of the corner of your eye, though, you watched him.

His gaze too shifted to an invisible spot on the ground but for a different reason.

He was thinking ...more like fighting a small battle with himself.

You could tell by the way he turned his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows ...almost like he was questioning himself.

You wondered what he was thinking about.

How many brilliant thoughts were floating around in that boys head?

You often thought about that.

Your attention was pulled suddenly to the stage.

The lights were fading in, growing in brightness as if their energy source was the soft guitar that was also steadily growing in intensity.

You knew the song in an instant and felt familiar cold fingers of desperation wrap around your soul.

Suddenly you felt anger at the man standing next to you.

He must have known they were going to play.

Was this the opening act or the actual concert?

You hoped like hell they were just opening.

Don't get it wrong, you loved 30 Seconds to Mars it was just ...there were way too many painful memories attached to those songs, this one especially.

It had been a favorite of all three of you: your mother, your sister and you ...back when you still believed the words.

Your mother was by far the coolest mom in all existence.

You remember on many occasions skipping school with your sister and heading to the mall with your mom for the day.

The whole way there you would all blast your sisters 30 Seconds CD and when From Yesterday came on it was all you could do not to jump up in your seat and dance in the middle of traffic.

The music was so loud people would stare and make faces at you from their own cars.

You just turned it up louder and rocked out harder.

You were living life and loving it.

It was different now.

You weren't living anymore...

You were simply surviving.

Everyday was a losing battle and everyday you lost a little more of yourself.

As Jared Leto (the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars) started singing, you looked to your left fully expecting to see your mother and sister jumping up and down, scream/singing along like everyone around you was.

Instead you saw Mikey gazing at you sorrowfully and you held his gaze for only a second before lowering your head and letting the first of the tears pour from your eyes.

Gerard looked over at you obviously concerned but you couldn't help but be a little angry with him.

This was like their biggest hit.

How the hell could they not play this song?

You knew that Gerard wasn't trying to torture you.

You hadn't really been the same after the accident.

You wouldn't talk about it at all and when someone mentioned it you went into your own little shell and totally shut them out.

He wanted to know that you were okay but knowing Gerard he would probably settle for okay-ish.

He moved closer to you and all you wanted to do was run away.

You knew that as soon as he held you the dam would break.

You would drown in your tears and you didn't want to take him down with you.

You still had your head down but when Gerard gently wrapped his fingers around both of your wrists, as he loved to do when you were sad, you looked up into in his eyes and were surprised as hell to see that there were tears in them.

It wasn't right.

Tears just didn't belong in Gerard Way's eyes.

They had NO right to be there!

He deserved to be happy and laughing and loving every second of life.

Not sad.

Not EVER sad.

He could see that you were shocked.

You'd never seen him cry ...not once.

You wanted to stay mad at him.

You wanted to feel something other than the pain at not having your two favorite people in the world ripped from your life without you even getting half a chance to say goodbye.

You wanted to hate him.

It would've been so much easier ...but you knew you never could.

Numb, you let him take you into his arms and bury his face in your hair.

He knew you were mad and hurt, and confused, and lost and he was going to do anything he could to make it better.

That was just the way he was.

Nothing and no one could ever break him, try as they might.

"I'm so sorry, Helena," he whispered into your ear as he held you in his arms and started to actually cry.

It hurt you even more that he was crying for you, for the fact that you had to relive all the memories you'd worked so hard to put behind you, for the fact that it was in your nature to keep your thoughts and feelings bottled up and release them with blood and a razor blade every now and then, for the fact that out of all the songs 30 Seconds to Mars had recorded ...they had to fucking pick this one to open with.

Giving in to Gerard and the tears that you knew were inevitable you realized that there was nowhere else in the world you would rather cry than in Gerard's arms.

Closing your eyes, you gently laid your head on his shoulder and felt your anger start to drift away.

How naive of you to think that you could stay mad at him.

It just wasn't possible.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and cried on his shoulder as he gently sang into your ear.