So Long and Goodnight...

You and Gerard were finally alone.

...REALLY alone.

Frank had been so kind as to lure "the gang" away, giving you a chance to tell Gerard how you really felt about him.

...and you would...

But first, you had to know the answer to something that had been gnawing at you ever since you got back to the car after the concert.

It was obvious Gerard was in heaven about something.

He hadn't stopped smiling since you'd met up with him in the parking lot.

You were curious.

If only you'd remembered what curiosity had done to the poor cat...

"Gerard," you said softly, not only to get his attention but because hearing it brought a smile to your face.

"What's up," he said, gleefully, giving you his full attention.

"Well ...I know you avoided this question earlier when Frank tried to ask you ...but I figured it never hurts to try again. Why are you so happy tonight?"

He laughed gently to himself.

"Well..." he said, sitting up and facing you. "I avoided Frank ...only because I wanted you to hear the news first."

Right at that second your heart and your stomach decided to switch places, your lungs turned to stone, and you suddenly felt very light-headed.

"Me?" you asked, shocked, barely remembering how to speak. "Why me over everyone else?"

Gerard seemed slightly amused by your question, as if the answer was as painfully obvious as your love for him apparently was to everyone in the world except him ...but he answered you just the same.

"Because ...I trust you, Helena. I mean you're always there for me to talk to and no matter how bad I screw up or what stupid decisions I make..."

You saw him gaze at his wrists as he said this and an expression of sadness, regret, and just a bit of something that looked like ...doubt crossed his handsome face ...but it was gone in an instant as he carried on.

"...You've always forgiven me ...and you've always defended me ...even over your best friend."

Hell.

As if catching him staring at the permanent scars on his wrists wasn't enough ...he'd just had to bring her up.

...The reason that scar was even there in the first place.

It was years ago and your best friend in the whole entire world had been Alexa Shore.

She was the only person who knew exactly how you felt about Gerard.

She liked him too...

But that was ok.

A lot of friends had crushes on the same guy.

It didn't mean anything.

You didn't think it did ...until Gerard started liking her instead of you.

You couldn't really be mad at her.

She was a better flirt than you, prettier than you, way more popular than you, richer than you...

and besides ...it was Gerard who had asked her out ...not the other way around.

She had been fair.

She talked with you about it and got your ok before saying yes.

It wasn't really like you ever had a choice though.

He liked her ...not you.

Telling your friend she couldn't date him wouldn't have changed that.

So you went along with it and tried to pretend it wasn't killing you to hear her talk about him everyday.

How sweet he was...

What a great kisser he was...

How "amazingly happy" they were together...

and watching them make out in the hallways, trying to hold back the tears the rest of the day...

and being so incredibly fake to her.

Almost every friendly word you said to her was a lie.

The truth was ...you hated her.

Jealousy and hate had become the only emotions you associated with her.

Alexa was selfish and petty.

Everyone knew it.

Why shouldn't she be?

She was popular.

She was rich.

She was a daddy's girl.

She always got what (and who) she wanted.

It wasn't too long before she tired of her new "toy", Gerard.

She was by far the most beautiful girl in school.

A cheerleader.

Every guy wanted her ...especially Troy Everston.

He was the school's star athlete (quarterback for the football team) and as handsome as he was rich.

It didn't take long for him to convince Alexa that he was way better for her than some "loser middle-class punk reject".

One night, Gerard showed up unannounced with a bouquet of roses tucked under his arm.

Her parents were vacationing in Tahiti for a few weeks and Alexa had given him a key.

He figured she'd be lonely in that big house all by herself so he'd surprise her and maybe spend the night just to make her feel safe.

He let himself in and made his way up the curving, oak staircase to Alexa's room.

As soon as he'd opened the door ...he'd wished he hadn't.

There was Alexa with Troy Everston ...and they definitely weren't studying algebra together.

Gerard was absolutely devastated.

He had convinced himself that he and Alexa would be together forever.

He was so hurt and so lost that he didn't even remember walking home in the rain after listening to Alexa try and fail and try again to explain herself while Troy just collected his discarded clothes and, looked smugly at Gerard like he was nothing but a bug on the windshield of his fancy, imported car.

Gerard sat in his room alone all day, not even going downstairs when his mother called him for dinner.

He waited in silence until everyone had gone to bed then crept quietly to the bathroom and slit his wrists with a piece of glass he must have picked up on his way home from Alexa's ...though he couldn't remember...

Thank God Mikey had still been awake.

He had known something was wrong with his brother as soon as he'd seen him walk through the door.

He figured he'd just give him some space and wait till their mom and dad went to bed before he'd slip into his room and talk with him.

He never quite got the chance...

He heard Gerard get up and go to the bathroom but didn't think anything of it ...until he heard the harsh thud of his body hitting the floor.

He ran to the bathroom to find his brother unconscious on the floor and already soaked in the blood that was flowing easily from both of his wrists.

In less than three minutes Mikey had already called 911 and woken up his parents.

Around 3:00 am (right after Mikey dragged his parents out of bed) he called you, freaking out and you could barely understand a word he was saying but when he finally got it all out, you were out the window and sprinting to his house before he'd even realized you'd hung up the phone.

You got there before the ambulance, let yourself in, and ran straight to the upstairs hallway where Don (dazed, shocked, and unmoving) was holding a hysterical Donna.

You stepped into the bathroom and dropped to the floor next to Gerard, whose head was gently cradled in Mikey's lap and you held his lifeless, blood soaked hand, sobbing uncontrollably until the paramedics pulled you and Mikey away.

You rode with Mikey, Don, and Donna to the hospital.

Ray, Frank, Bob, Raven, Autumn, and Brooke had all met you there.

You'd noticed with raw, bitter hatred that Alexa hadn't even bothered to show up even though Mikey had called her, not understanding that she was the reason Gerard had tried to kill himself.

Out of all the scary nights you'd ever had to endure:

the Halloween when you were five where your dad had scared you so bad that you had to sleep in your sisters bed with the light on...

the time you ran away for a whole week...

the first night alone with your dad after your mother and sister had died...

nothing had compared to the night that you almost lost Gerard ...the only thing that kept you holding on sometimes.

Snapping back to real life again, you slowly met Gerard's gorgeous hazel eyes.

"Thanks, Gerard," you said; truly humbled by the things he had said about your friendship.

You sighed and gazed at the sky for a second more before turning back to him.

"Now, really ...what's the news?"

He smiled his heart melting, crooked, beautiful smile at you...

and what he said next would bring your whole world crashing down around you...

and nothing would ever be the same...