So Long and Goodnight...

You didn't know what to think or what to do... whether to be extremely happy and get ready to jump up and down or be as you were now, by nature... tense, nervous, and constantly on edge.

Gerard was about to tell you his "big secret".

You sat up and faced him.

'This had better be good,' you thought humorously.

He was making such a huge deal out of it.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked for at least the tenth time.

"Gerard! I'm ready! Just tell me!" you whined, pushing him playfully.

He laughed and then took a deep, bracing breath.

"Ok. ...Helena," he began and paused, thinking of what he was about to say.

Whatever it was, Gerard loved it.

His smile grew ten times wider

...and with four simple words

...he shattered your entire world like cheap glass.

"I'm dating Alexa again!"

You blinked, frozen; praying you weren't right, praying you hadn't just heard him say that.

But you had.

The bomb had been dropped...

...And it was Hiroshima all over again.

The smile on your face wasn't a real smile anymore.

It was fake and animated, made of plastic, reinforced with chicken wire.

You wanted to take it off, to scream at him and tell him what a fucking idiot he was.

The first time wasn't enough?

He had to get his heart broken again?

She had never cared about him and everyone knew it.

She hadn't even come to see him in the hospital while he was lying there dying for crying out loud!

How could he be so stupid ...so blind?

You wanted tosay scream all these things and more ...but you were tired.

...Tired of fighting with yourself and everyone you knew.

...Tired of believing in things that didn't exist.

So you did what you were best at. You put on your fake little front...

...and you lied straight to his face.

"That's so awesome Gerard!"

Gerard smiled brightly, buying it all ...hook, line, and sinker.

"I know!" he shouted. "GOD, I'm so happy!"

"I'm really happy for you," you lied yet again, hugging Gerard while trying to swallow back the sickening emotion rising like bile in your throat.

"I knew you would be. That's why I wanted to tell you first. I don't think the guys are gonna take it so great."

You had kept the fact that you'd hated Alexa's guts ever since "that night" from Gerard only because you were too scared to let him know how much you really cared for him.

Alexa had kept it from him only because she knew it would tip him off about your true feelings for him.

So, whenever Gerard was around, you and Alexa acted like the best of friends, but when Gerard left the room ...all bets were off.

You, your friends, and the guys all hated Alexa for so many different reasons, you could've written a book ...but the biggest reason was the fact that Gerard just wasn't Gerard when he was with her.

He was constantly trying to impress her and change himself to fit her standards.*

It pissed you (and everyone else for that matter) the fuck off.

All you could think about, sitting there in the park in front of Gerard, was getting the fuck away from him.

You felt like you were suffocating and you were trying to hide the fact that you were shaking all over from a storm of countless emotions attacking you from all different sides.

You were drowning under it all.

Numbly, you tried to convince him that the guys would take it ok, which you knew was a complete lie.

Gerard Way was a dead man as soon as he told the boys.

With every ounce of self control you had left, you looked into Gerard's chocolate, honey-coated eyes and made the only excuse you could think of.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

Gerard looked concerned at first.

This was a very dangerous neighborhood, especially after dark.

But then he must've decided that you were fully capable of taking care of yourself because he smiled and nodded his head.

"Ok. Just be careful," he warned.

"I will," you mumbled, already up and walking away.

You dragged yourself out of the park, away from Gerard's velvety voice, his delicious smell, his intoxicating eyes, his infectious smile...

...and the heart you had left torn and bleeding on the grass beside him.